Funny Quotes 24

What do batteries run on? - Steven Wright

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-- Thomas Edison

A ship was carrying a cargo of yo-yos, bound for San Francisco from Hong Kong. It was hit by a typhoon and sank twenty-three times.

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. - Jack Handley

I always start my New Year's resolutions on the second.
The second hell freezes over.
(Rick Kreher)

The biggest problem with being the
inventor of the time machine is that people
keep going back and stealing my idea.
(Ethan James)

Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
(Larry Baum)

Silence is not always golden... sometimes it is yellow.
-- Unknown

When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're
going? -- Douglas Gauck

7,000 feet underground.
now THAT's a deep thought if there ever was one.

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"The bridges you cross before you come to them are over rivers that
aren't there."
~Gene Brown

There are twelve months in the year.
That's kind of cool, because it makes
life a little more predictable.
(Brian Auten)

When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have
it thrown around by somebody else.

"85% of the world's work is done by people who don't feel very well" - Winston Churchill

"Ignore reality. There's nothing you can do about it." - Natalie Imbruglia

Customer: I'm running Windows '98
Tech: Yes.
Customer: My computer isn't working now.
Tech: Yes, you said that.