Funny Quotes 26

"The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening."
- Kin Hubbard

The right to be heard does not automatically include the
right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert Humphrey

"Forecasting is the art of saying what will happen,
and then explaining why it didn't! "
- Anonymous

"If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn't be so
anxious."
--Mignon McLaughlin

"A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine."
- Unknown

"Life is just a series of trying to make up your mind."
--Timothy Fuller

Nobody knows what the Department of Energy does, including
its employees, who spend their days waiting for the phone to
ring, which never happens, except when the Department of
Commerce, which is also bored out of its mind, makes prank
calls to ask if the Energy Department's refrigerator is
running.
-- Dave Barry

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground
with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in
civilized society, it is called golf.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
~Jack Handey

"If you are sure you understand everything that is going on,
you are hopelessly confused."
--Walter Mondale

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."
-- Ed Gardner

Scientists have calculated that the chance of anything so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
~Terry Pratchett - Mort

To err is human, to forgive canine. - Anonymous

Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what
the game is.
- Ashleigh Ellwood Brilliant

*"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."