 |
| Mostly Funny Quotes 28 |
|
| Stuff |
|
| Welcome to Wednesday. For your comfort we will be traveling through the third day of the week in a fully pressurized work environment. Should you experience a sudden loss of pressure it probably means you're having a nervous breakdown. In case of this unlikely event, immediately administer a cup of coffee and a jelly filled donut to yourself and take the rest of the day to go to a movie or fishing. "The way I see life, is that we're all on the Hindenburg; no point in fighting over the window seats." - Richard Jeni The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein Windows95 (win'do-s-95): n. A 32 bit extensions and graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition. For me, it's a magical five minutes between when I wake up in the morning and when I first look in the mirror, because you can never be sure that you didn't spontaneously become invisible during the night. (Fred Meyer) "Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You." - Andy Rooney on advertising. Sometimes I get really depressed and I think life isn't worth living. Then I look around and see all the wonder and miracles around me and I realize life is worth living... just not *my* life. (Lili Von Schtupp) "Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?" - unknown On the Internet: It is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same busy signal that you're hearing. --Dennis Miller A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. -- Jay Leno Football combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will "Now all the buses want exact change. I figure if I give them exact change, they should take me exactly where I want to go." - Unknown |