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| Mostly Funny Quotes 30 |
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| Stuff |
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| "One of my more effective parental strategies is to make Lists of Rules to be Obeyed And I Really Mean it This Time, and post these articles on the refrigerator in the kitchen so my children will have a written record of what they are ignoring." - W. Bruce Cameron "The one thing I've learned from all my years of cooking is that it's always quietest just before the fire alarm." - Robert Puckett 'Who are you and how did you get in here?' 'I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' -- Leslie Nielsen, as Lieutenant Frank Drebin, "Police Squad" All general statements are false. -- Unknown, The Ultimate Law If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me -- Jimmy Buffet, Song Title "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." ~ Matt Groening ~ "Man is quite insane. He wouldn't know how to create a maggot, and he creates Gods by the dozen." -Michel de Montaigne "The good news is the White House is giving George W Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves." - David Letterman "Hey, wasn't the Bible written by the same people who said the earth was flat?" -- Unknown "Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity ... where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.'" - Dave Barry I can stand most kinds of housework, but vacuuming sucks." (Gary Hallock) Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb? A: A fish. You ever wake up and wonder what time it is... and then the boss tells you? I've grown to hate that! (Doug Rendall) "Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories- those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost." - Russell Baker |