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| Mostly Funny Quotes 36 |
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| In the space age, men will be able to go around the world in five hours -- one hour for flying and two hours in the airport at either end. ~Neil McElroy "Technically, Windows is an 'operating system,' which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating." - Dave Barry I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks And a ball game gets rained out And a car rusts and... When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie... Houston, we have a problem. (Jim Rosenberg) Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. -- Janet Long "This statement is false." -- Murphy "A big earthquake hit Seattle last week; luckily no one was hurt. The earthquake effected a lot of businesses. In fact, today Microsoft released their new computer program, Shattered Windows 2001." - Jay Leno "Consultants are people who borrow your watch and tell you what time it is, and then walk off with the watch." -- Robert Townsend "When I came back to Dublin, I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence." - Brendan Behan (1923-1964) From his play "The Hostage", 1958 "I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked if I had any questions. I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen? He said he couldn't answer that. I told him sorry, but I couldn't work for him then." - Steven Wright Vagueness... I don't know. It kind of bugs me, but on the other hand it's not that big a deal. (Christopher Hansen) "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock." - Orson Welles "It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody." - Brendan Behan (1923-1964) |