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| Mostly Funny Quotes 38 |
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| The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost luggage. -- Mark Russell "The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him." Russell Baker I don't think they could put him on a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they would let him out. "The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done'" - George Carlin "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and mis-applying the wrong remedy." ~Ernest Benn "I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem." ~ashleigh brilliant "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." ~Nathaniel Borenstein "Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else." ~Hob Broun "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" ~George Carlin "I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it." ~Steven Wright "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." ~Mark Twain "My watch is three hours fast. I can't seem to get it fixed, so I'm moving to New York." - Steven Wright "My theory on healthy eating is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." -- Mark Twain "I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'" ~ Steven Wright I had to move to New York for health reasons. I'm very paranoid and New York is the only place where my fears are justified. ~Anita Wise "Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it..." -- Steven Wright |