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| Mostly Funny Quotes 39 |
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| Stuff |
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| "Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." ~Peter da Silva "Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in." ~Evan Davis "After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted." ~De la Lastra's Corollary "After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed." ~De la Lastra's Law "I find nothing more depressing than optimism." -Paul Fussell "Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." Adrienne E Gusoff "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." W C Fields "The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations." Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -Mark Twain Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. ---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary "I heard that if you play the Windows 2000 CD-ROM backwards, you'll hear a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs Windows 2000." "The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'" - Jerry Seinfeld "C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." - Bjarne Stroustrup "Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!" ~George Carlin "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." - Voltaire |