Funny Quotes 48

Groucho Marx quotes:

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot..

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

I have had a perfectly nice evening, but this wasn't it.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all
mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong
building." --Charles Schulz

The early bird gets the worm. Some reward!
Bazooka Joe

All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.
David Brower

"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell." - Brian Clark

History is mostly guessing; the rest is prejudice. - W+A Durrant

"Love makes the world go 'round, and so does a bump on the head."
Bill Ekstrand

The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.
- Bernard Avishai

Yoghurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evapor-
ated and fermented milk. Yoghurt is one of only three foods
that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are
goulash and squid.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
~ Aldous Huxley

There's a great new rice diet that always works.
You use one chopstick. -- Red Buttons

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
-- Erma Bombeck

"I didn't say that I didn't say it. I said that I didn't say that I said
it. I want to make that very clear."
- attributed to George Romney in National Review, 1967

I sometimes look into the face my dog...and see wistful sadness and
existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the
ceiling for flies.
-- Merrill Markoe