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| Mostly Funny Quotes 49 |
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| Stuff |
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| "Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business." ---Steven Wright "I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate." -- George Carlin "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" -- Douglas Adams Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. [Robert A. Heinlein, JOB: A Comedy of Justice] There ought to be at least one round state. ~ George Carlin I almost don't feel the way I do. ~ George Carlin "The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life." ---George Carlin There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. ~ Woody Allen Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is. --Ashleigh Brilliant The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. -- Steven Wright The sky already fell. Now what? -- Steven Wright Trying to understand modern art is like trying to follow the plot in a bowl of alphabet soup. -- Anonymous I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. --Paul Anderson Life is like a box of sardines and we are all looking for the key. -- Alan Bennet "Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing." Redd Foxx I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962. ~~Rita Rudner |