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| Mostly Funny Quotes 50 |
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| Stuff |
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| If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others like? -Voltaire This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic. -Terry Pratchett "Time is the greatest teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." -- Unknown "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'" "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." You know it's a bad day when... ... the sun comes up in the west. ... you jump out of bed and miss the floor. ... the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. ... you put both contact lenses in the same eye. ... your pet rock snaps at you. ... your income tax refund check bounces. ... Suicide Prevention just put you on hold. "Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it...." ~ Lily Tomlin "If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?" George Deacon. "When did I realise I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realised I was talking to myself." Peter O'Toole. "Life is God's joke on us. It's our mission to figure out the punch line." - John Guarrine Why are aliens always portrayed as evil in movies? How do we know that there isn't an alien out there just waiting to share the recipe for "The Universe's Best Waffle Mix?" (John Gephart) PUDDER'S LAW: Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.) A fish is an underwater creature that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends. "Sanity is relative. For some of us, it's just a distant cousin." -B.J. Zanzibar Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, still exists. -Phillip K. Dick "As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away." -Hugh Mearns |