Funny Quotes 52

Then all of a sudden it hit me:
I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.
(Daniel Bokor)

The advantage of exercising every day is that you
die healthier. --Primatutu

Life is just a bowl of pits.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
-- Douglas Adams

"For centuries people thought that the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon was really a big, hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out." ~ Anonymous

Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company
that they are making a double pun when they send
their bill commanding "Please Pay Current Charges" ?

"The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity,
your honour, who in their right mind would park in the
passing lane?"
-- Steven Wright

"A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture
of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back
it said, 'Wish you were here.'"
- Steven Wright

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ
in my body. Then I realised who was telling me this."
- Emo Phillips

"Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people
think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as
too big.
- George Carlin

For Christmas I bought my brother a combination fax machine and paper shredder. Either we hooked it up wrong or a lot of people are faxing him confetti.

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.
-- Bruce Cockburn

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the
pencil, you're overdoing it.
- Josh Jenkins

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a
half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.
- Robert Brault

It's true that misery loves company. If you ever doubt
that, look at a No-Pest Strip. It's COVERED with flies.
You'd think that the FIRST fly would tell any others
"GO AROUND! GO AROUND!..."
-- Margret Smith