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| Mostly Funny Quotes 53 |
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| Stuff |
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| "I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it." -- Steven Wright "Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world." -R. D. Lang A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system?" -Robert A. Heinlein Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at. -- Carlos A. Urbizo OSBORN'S LAW Variables won't, constants aren't. It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. -- W. Somerset Maugham There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true. - Ian Hart, British actor If you think it's easy to be a politician, try to straddle a fence and keep both ears to the ground at the same time. Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral. ~ Garfield The early bird is insane. ~ Garfield Generally, a man has two reasons for doing something. One that sounds good, and a real one. Never go back for seconds. Get it all the first time. ~ Garfield Avoid fruits and nuts. After all, you are what you eat. ~ Garfield Only snack between meals. ~ Garfield "I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." -- Steven Wright I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence. -- Gary Trudeau |