Funny Quotes 54

"I had to make some optimistic assumptions to meet the revenue target.
In week three, we're visited by an alien named D'utox Inag who offers
to share his advanced technology."
- Dilbert

"Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, everything comes
in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like
everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was
widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognise the pattern.

"Tomorrow Is Another Day" - Not necessarily true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it will be today again.

I wanted to be an atheist, but I gave it up.
They have no holidays.
----Henny Youngman

"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
- Fran Lebowitz

All general statements are false.
- Unknown, The Ultimate Law

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
-- Joe Walsh

I take vitamins. They drop and roll under the refrigerator. I don't pick
them up. I have years of vitamins under the refrigerator. I'm going to come
home one night and find a six-foot roach saying, "I feel good!" ~~Elayne
Boosler

"I look forward to the invention of faster-than-light
travel. What I'm not looking forward to is the long wait in
the dark once I arrive at my destination."
- Marc Beland

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition
that's troublesome."
- Isaac Asimov

There are two great rules of life; the one general and the other particular.
The first is that everyone can, in the end, get what he wants, if he only
tries. That is the general rule. The particular rule is that every
individual is, more or less, an exception to the rule.
-- Samuel Butler

Never try to outstubborn a cat. -- Lazarus Long

I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make
any difference. --Steven Wright

A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.
-- Caskie Stinnett