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| Mostly Funny Quotes 56 |
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| I only have 2 letters in my filing system. M and N. M is for Miscellaneous & N is for Non-Miscellaneous. -- Gene Perret They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. -- Milton Berle Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. -- Putt's Law "I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed" - George Carlin "You know you've been on a diet too long when cat food com- mercials make you hungry." --Andy Bumatai "If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, it might be amoré, but I'd be more worried about the interplanetary gravitational effects from this cataclysmic event." - Paul Paternoster "In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs." -- Steven Wright On going to war over religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Rich Jeni "If time is money and money is the root of all evil, should you really buy a watch?" -- Unknown There are some men so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. - Josh Billings We are an impossibility in an impossible universe. - Ray Bradbury I saw this on a box of Oatmeal Raisin cookies, "New! With Raisins!" What did it have before? "The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet." -Ann Landers We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. -Bryan White "My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere." -- Steven Wright "I'd hate to be light. You'd get a lot of speeding tickets." "My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York." - Steven Wright |