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| Mostly Funny Quotes 57 |
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| Stuff |
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| "My lucky number is four billion, which usually doesn't come in handy when you're gambling. 'Come on, four billion...'" ---Mitch Hedberg "The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world." --Lynn M. Osband "Cats come and go without ever leaving." --Martha Curtis "When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even." --Penny Ward Moser "A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it." --Jerome K. Jerome Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations... - John Mendosa "I dated a pilot, he was a kamikaze. He was really bad at it though. He kept landing." - Wendy Liebman "HELP: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning a damn thing." - Computer Definitions "Saw a guy with a sign that said, 'Where Will You Spend Eternity?' Which freaked me out, because I was on my way to the Motor Vehicle Agency." ~~Arj Barker "If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" - Will Rogers A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent "I'm not a fatalist. But even if I were, what could I do about it?" - Emo Philips SIGN OF THE TIMES In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. -- Anonymous I looked out my apartment window, and I saw a bird wearing sneakers and a button saying, 'I ain't flying nowhere.' I said, 'What's your problem buddy?' He said, 'I'm sick of this stuff - winter here, summer there, winter here, summer there. I don't know who thought this stuff up, but it certainly wasn't a bird.' I said, 'Well, I was just making breakfast, come on in. Want some eggs? Sorry.' -- Steven Wright |