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| Mostly Funny Quotes 58 |
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| Stuff |
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| "There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." -Charles Dickens "I have my own personal psychic. He doesn't predict the future, and he can't tell you much about your past. But he does a really fantastic job of describing the present. For instance, he can tell you exactly what you're wearing, but he can't do it over the phone." ~~George Carlin The problem with government is that it goes in two directions - nowhere and reverse. ~William Saroyan I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind. -- Steve Allen Where do *I* want to go today? Back to bed. (Paul Hughes) If you water it and it dies, it's a plant. If you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed. - Gallagher Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -- Franklin P. Jones "My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud." - Rodney Dangerfield "I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden." - Steve Martin "I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." - Stephen Hawking Weiner's Law of Libraries There are no answers, only cross-references. On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. "I understand life isn't fair, but why couldn't it just once be unfair in my favour?" -Christy Murphy "I took up meditation. I like to have an espresso first just to make it more challenging." -Betsy Salkind "I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" ~ Jay Leno "At first I thought that my life was going around in circles. Then I realised it's actually a downward spiral." -Tom Ryan |