Funny Quotes 60

If I look confused it's because I'm thinking. ~~Samuel Goldwyn

I had general anaesthesia. That's so weird. You go to sleep in one room and then you wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like college. ~~Ross Shafer

The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive
models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate
over the price moved in and said, "This model is priced just
over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car
which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced
cars."

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at
science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?
- Kelvin Throop III

"How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires?
Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they
rotate on their own?"
- Seinfeld

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
- Calvin (from Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Then when
they're gone, I can catch up on my nap."
- Tom Sims

If Windows 95 and Windows 98 ever decide to
start a rap group, I think they should go by
the names Sir-Crash-A-Lot and DJ Restart.
(Ben Gillihan)

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed
reading accident. I hit a book mark.
~Steven Wright

"We are not retreating;
we are advancing in another direction."
- General Douglas MacArthur

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of
a clean desk?
-- Laurence J. Peter

I don't like electrons; they've always
had a negative influence on society.
(Chris Lipe)

A commuter is one who never knows how a movie ends because
he has to leave early to catch a train to get him back to
the country in time to catch a train to bring him back to
the city.

I went on a diet but I had to go on two diets at the same
time because one wasn't giving me enough food.
- Barry Marter

We walked ten miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or
snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.