| -=Lily's Seventh Year; Chapter Eight=- |
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| At around five in the morning, both of them pulled aside their curtains at exactly the same time. They grinned weakly at each other. “Better hope Frank’s not a blabbermouth, huh?” James said wearily. “Let’s hope,” Sirius agreed. Rather dismally, they showered and got dressed, both of them arriving downstairs together. James looked at the Potions essay he had due on Monday, and that he hadn’t finished yet. ”I’d better get started on that, then,” he mumbled. “Sure,” Sirius agreed. He flung himself down on a sofa, staring at the ceiling. The only sound for several minutes was the scratching of James’ quill, the crumplings of parchment bits, the flicking of pages in James’ Potions book, and his frustrated grunts as he threw his quill in the fire, then singed his eyebrows neatly as he retrieved it. “Smart, James,” Sirius commented absently. “Yeah, I know,” James groaned. “Now I’ve got no eyebrows. At least Snape has those.” ”Don’t worry about Snape. He asked her out during Christmas break in fourth year, remember? And she said no.” ”Yeah, because she was too young,” James grumbled. “She’s sixteen now. Almost seventeen. And as far as I know, she hasn’t even kissed anyone yet.” ”You’re complaining?” “No…no, I’m not! I’m not,” he said. “Well, maybe. What if—what if—“ Sirius sighed. “What if what?” “Er—well, you know I’ve not the nerve to ask her anything of this sort, don’t you?” ”What sort?” Sirius asked innocently. “Please, don’t start. You’re just better at talking to girls than I am…er—rephrase that. We’re all good at talking to girls we don’t like. Do you think you could talk to her for me?” So I don’t like Lily, Sirius thought dryly. You have no idea. Aloud he said, “Okay, shoot.” “Shoot?” James was confused. “Yeah; what do you want me to say to her?” ”Oh.” “Exactly,” Sirius commented. “And I’m not talking to you for her.” “Why not?” James looked hurt. “I thought we were supposed to be best friends or something in that area!” Sirius rolled his eyes. “We still are. It’s just that if you don’t do this, then you won’t have the guts to do anything else, like offer her a wedding ring.” He knew perfectly well what he was doing. Sirius knew that, one, James wouldn’t have the nerve, and two, if he did, Lily would discourage every hope he had somehow. At least, he was praying for that. He couldn’t go up to her and to ask her if she liked his best friend in a more than friendly way when he liked that same girl. It just wouldn’t work out well. Yes, James was his best friend—but James got everything else, always—and he’d been cruel to this girl so many times, and then Sirius had been there for her, and she’d cried into his bloody shirt, for crying out loud. She’d trusted him with stuff…she’d confided in him…and, anyway, James wasn’t exactly terribly nice to her, and if he had liked her since fourth or fifth year, then he showed it in an awfully odd way… Fortunately for him, James wasn’t psychic, so he just sighed and stared into the fire. “Thanks, Sirius…I guess I’d better.” “Go for it, then.” “But I don’t know…” Unconsciously, James raised a hand and tried to make his hair lie flat. “What if I get scared or something and she thinks I’m an utter pillock?” “She does already,” Sirius grinned. “Go dispel that illusion.” “But…” “But what?” James threw more bits of paper into the fire, causing it to flare up. “I don’t know how to act around her.” “Then learn,” Sirius said brutally. “Wow,” James commented. “Some friend.” “It’s five-thirty in the morning, and I haven’t slept all night. I’m not a morning person, as you should know.” “I do know. So—hey, I need help. What do I do about Lily?” Sirius shrugged; then his eyes lit up almost unnoticeably. “Speak of the devil.” Lily hadn’t slept too well that night for some reason—after Sirius finished talking to her, she’d heard faint yells from the boys’ dormitory, and she simply couldn’t fall asleep after that. What on earth was so wrong with her standing up for Severus—or liking him, for that matter? Simply because he was in a different House didn’t give four bigheaded Gryffindors the right to dump on him every single time they saw him. As far as she could see, it was unreasonable hatred on both sides. Finally, Lily gave up on sleep and threw her dressing gown on; with a Herbology book in her hands, she stepped downstairs quietly; only five steps away from the common room did she catch Sirius’ eyes and the last few words of the conversation. James was glaring at the fire, and something had happened to his now nonexistent eyebrows. “What do I do about Lily?” That was when Sirius had seen her white nightgown and half-smiled at her, shrugging. “Speak of the devil.” Lily smiled faintly and moved into the common room, the train of her nightgown trailing behind her. “Up early, are we? What happened to you two?” “Why?” Both of them were confused. She laughed. “James, you’re missing your eyebrows, and both of you are up before seven. This calls for an explanation.” “Oh…” James shrugged, shamefacedly trying to cover up his forehead. “I couldn’t sleep.” “Ah.” Sirius nodded. “I suppose I’ll use the same excuse. I couldn’t sleep.” Lily tossed her hair over her shoulder, laughing again. “I thought I’d come down here to study, but I guess that’s going up in smoke.” “Yep,” James nodded philosophically. “Thou shalt not have the semblance of an idea concerning studying around any member of the Marauders.” “Oh, really?” “I made it up, but so what?” James had been shooting Sirius several death glares, and finally Sirius decided that eavesdropping would be much more fun than mooching around the common room. Stretching a bit for Lily’s benefit, he stood up. “I’m leaving. Need to catch up on sleep,” he muttered. He dragged himself out of the common room, and, to break the newly-frozen ice, Lily ventured a question. “What were you two talking about before I came in?” He turned his attention to his essay again. “Oh—nothing, really. Not anything you’d be interested in.” “I heard my name,” she stated calmly. “It wasn’t anything about you—well, not really.” “Not really?” She was eyeing him with suspicion now—had he told Sirius anything about Tom—about Voldemort, that is, and her affiliation with him? “No.” James broke the conversation off. “It wasn’t.” She felt slightly hurt; she hadn’t said a thing to him that could possibly, to her mind, be construed into anything rude, and here he was, being an unreasonable prat to her. Almost unconsciously, she drew up her barrier; the one that prevented anyone from reaching in to her. “Have it your way.” Her tone had changed; it was scathing and scornful; just the way she felt. James looked up, and she could see the surprise in his eyes. “Hey, what’d I do this time?” “You were rude,” she stated clearly. “What—How was I rude?” Lily just looked at him. “Never mind.” “I thought so.” Lily mentally hit herself; even if he did have something against Severus, and even if he was perfectly willing to do anything to break the two of them up, she really had no right to be this mean. Unbeknownst to her, he was thinking almost the same thing. You think you bloody love her, for cursing Snape out satisfactorily, (he was getting sick of the phrase ‘crying out loud’) and here you are, being a prat to the girl you’d most want to be anything else to. He let his head drop onto a pile of books, and it responded with a painful smack. Lily started. “James, are you all right?” He had hit his head on his Transfiguration book—maybe because he was tired, and it had startled her momentarily. She whirled around, eyes full of concern piercing his gaze, which quickly dropped. “No—yes, I’m all right. I’m just being stupid…” “You sure you are?” “Yeah…hey! That was not nice!” Lily was slightly puzzled, but she didn’t let him know. “What wasn’t?” “You just made me call myself stupid, didn’t you?” He hit himself again. “I shouldn’t have pointed that out!” She laughed again. “True. I hadn’t noticed that before.” Sirius was sitting moodily on the marble steps of the boys’ dormitory. So much for leaving them alone to fight, he thought. He walked back downstairs, gracefully tripping over the hem of his pajamas and tumbling to the foot of the stairs. Lily whirled around. “Sirius—You all right?” “Sure, sure—fine.” Sirius obviously didn’t want this to be commented on, so Lily let it drop. “Okay, then.” She turned back to her book a few minutes later; the boys obviously didn’t want her around, but she had no intention of leaving just for their benefit. Frustrated for some reason, she curled up in the armchair and almost completely blocked herself from anything or anyone else in the common room as her mind dived into the book. A half hour later, though, she couldn’t have told an interrogator what had been on the last fifty pages. Lily had been musing…why weren’t the boys acting as usual? First they were up at five in the morning, secondly, when she came down and tried talking to them, they tried to avoid her and she almost got into a fight with James for no reason at all… Loudly, she slammed her book shut and stood up, slipping it onto the table, ignoring the stares she knew she was recieving. She had to do something to sort out this confusion in her mind, and she did the best thing she could think of—left the common room without so much as a word for anyone, and strode lightly towards the entrance hall. The stone walls, for the first time in weeks, were stifling her—she had to get outside, must do something—couldn’t stay cooped up in a castle forever— With difficulty, she unbolted the large front doors and pushed one of them open only wide enough for her to slip through. Stepping outside, Lily stood up straighter as the wet, dewy air sank into her mouth and flowed down her throat. She hadn’t done this in ages and it felt wonderful… Ever since Litharelen died, she had tried to push away all thoughts of her friend. Now, they flooded back… Lily hadn’t ever really liked Litharelen; she had vaguely been annoyed by her at times, but Lith was the one that had taught her to ride; she had been Lily’s first acquaintance in Albania—and apart from everything else that had to do with her, Tom had loved Litharelen, and still did. A lump rose in Lily’s throat as she recalled the pain in Tom’s face as he caught her moments after her death, as she was falling to the ground. Tears blinded her; they ran down her face and intermingled with the wet dew on her dressing gown as she leaned against a supporting tree; they were running for Tom—for the life he was facing now— The lake waters she was fixedly staring at rippled softly as a small bird skimmed the top of it and flew off into the distance. She gazed at it until it flew behind a cloud and was hidden from her sight. Lily didn’t even notice that someone had caught up with her until he slipped his arm through hers. “What’s wrong?” She turned to him, not bothering to wipe her tears away. “I don’t suppose you would take the excuse ‘Nothing’, would you?” James put an arm around her shoulders. “If it makes you happy, sure, I’ll accept it.” Lily was surprised; she took a step back and passed her hand across her eyes, removing the waterfalls in her eyelashes. “Why aren’t you tormenting me for a reason?” ”You don’t look in the mood for it,” he said simply. She wasn’t crying any more, but in gratefulness, she let her head bury itself in his shoulder, and both of them stayed there, almost unmoving; the only thing that separate them from wax figures was the continual small, quick breaths Lily was taking in, trying to stop, but not being able to. Finally, when she had calmed down, Lily turned away again, almost as if she were embarrassed to be seen while she was at one of the weakest points in her life. “Why did you follow me?” ”I figured something was wrong.” He didn’t try to turn her around, and Lily was thankful for that. “I was worried, that’s all.” She nodded vaguely and he could tell she wasn’t absorbing anything he had just said; her eyes were fixed on the rising sun. Suddenly, she pivoted to face him, holding onto his arm with a death grip, one that almost made him lose the feeling in it. “It’s Tom. I can’t help it—you have no idea what he’s facing, how much he loved Litharelen—and now she’s gone, and the first thing he was living for is destroyed. I—I’m glad now he desperately wants power, otherwise this would consume him, eat away at him; he’d leave the world and sit somewhere, cut off from all people, waiting to die, helping the process if it didn’t go quickly enough.” She took a deep breath and went on. “I know he’s a murderer, James, but no matter what he’s done, he’s a person, too. He loved her…so much it hurt.” Lily finally looked at him, not through him, and smiled slightly, releasing her grip on his arm. “I know I’ve never loved, and I know you’re being skeptical of what I tell you, since you think I’m making this up—James, even murderers can feel, and this one is almost past the brink. He’s in trouble. I don’t care what he did—no human deserves a fate like he’s facing.” “Hey!” James took her chin in his hand. “I did not say I didn’t believe you.” He looked at her eyes for a split second, trying to summon up the courage he thought was buried somewhere in him. Then he almost exploded inside. Oh, go to hell with courage! Go ahead! Who knows—yeah, exactly, who knows? You prat—you idiot, you might not have another chance— He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. What if she hated him from this day forth—but then again, why should she? It wasn’t as if he was blowing up Hogwarts…go on, she might want you to—is that why she’s not moving? Or is she just waiting for an answer—and is she going to hate me for all eternity—oh, what the hell! He didn’t care anymore—didn’t care if this would blow up the whole stinking globe—not now. Not now. Maybe he’d regret it later, but every single thought of remorse was banned from entering his conscious thoughts. Slowly, he leaned forward…the world was rushing and whirling in his ears—almost— She turned her head away. Quickly, rapidly, swiftly as thought, and James could have hit himself. I should have foreseen that, he thought. What were we talking about earlier? Cover—do something—just so she won’t avoid you— He faintly smiled at her, knowing she could see him out of the corner of her eye. “I hadn’t the slightest intention of doubting anything you say.” On her part, Lily could have strangled herself at first, but then she was relieved she’d turned away. Something had quelled up inside her throat and mind, and, afraid of an unnamed something—it could have been him living Tom’s fate when she got herself killed someday—she turned away purposely, staring at the lake again. And seconds after that, she wanted to hit herself—you wanted him to, didn’t you, Lily? You just messed up a chance in a lifetime! Then the relief set in; he had simply leaned closer so she wouldn’t miss what he said. Would she have missed it if he hadn’t leaned closer? She couldn’t tell; an echoing uproar was resounding inside her ears; she heard nothing except his words, almost faint and coming as from far away. “I hadn’t the slightest intention of doubting anything you say.” She had the worst imagination in the world—actually hoping that he thought of her that way…she knew it wasn’t true, knew it was hopeless— Dimly, she heard herself reply, in the calmest tones she could unconsciously summon up. “Well, that’s a first.” She tilted her head at him, he was still grinning at her. “I suppose,” James said. He took her arm and turned her towards the castle. “Hey—it’s cold and wet out here—you want to come back inside?” “Sure.” She shouldn’t have come outside; shouldn’t have let him find her, shouldn’t anything she just did, besides turn away. Now she was thanking every deity she knew of on spiritually bended knees for her acting ability, for the fact that she could hide what she was feeling. It was immeasurably valuable to her, and she couldn’t think of what would be happening now if she didn’t own that streak of her mother’s. They walked back to the common room, where Sirius was still sitting. James had begged him to stay there seconds before he sprinted out of the common room—and, for some unknown reason, he hadn’t followed James. Lily only saw him through a mist covering her eyes. She half-smiled at him, then let go of James’ arm. “I’d better go upstairs and change—heaven knows how cold I feel.” “You do that,” James said, and, as he saw the last flash of her hair fade into the torchlight of the girls’ staircase, he let himself fall into a heavily pillowed couch. “Padfoot, I am cursed.” Sirius frowned. “How so?” James clutched a handful of hair in one fist, yanking on it, trying to pull it out. “I could have. I was so close. I—oh, damn.” Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Sounds like someone needs moral support. Want to tell me what happened?” ”Sure,” James shrugged. “Why not.” He sat back on the sofa, finally letting go of his hair, and not even wincing as his head hit the edge of the table next to the couch with a loud crack. “We were talking—then, for no reason, she started crying. She gave me the reason—told me why, and then said something like she didn’t know why she was telling me this because I’d probably not believe her. I dunno why I did this—it wasn’t for that purpose, but I did take her chin and make her look at me…I said something dumb like how I never said I didn’t believe her.” “And?” Sirius was interested now. “And then—I don’t know; it was like my thoughts exploded in my head, and then I pushed them all away…I dunno. I leaned towards her…and then she turned away. It wasn’t a stupid accident, either—she knew what I thought I was going to do, and she just…oh, bloody hell!” He let his hands cover his face again. “I covered…I said something like I’d never doubt her…She said, ‘Well, that’s a first.’ Like nothing had happened. Like she wanted to ignore it—no, not like that—just like everything had been erased, and like it had never happened.” “What’d you say then,” Sirius asked. Inwardly he was relieved. So she didn’t like James that way. “Something else stupid…as usual. Then I said something about going inside, and she said sure…I am cursed!” Sirius sighed, and Remus took this moment to appear in the common room. “What’s going on? James? Sirius, he looks sick.” “He is,” Sirius almost grinned; “he is. Lovesick.” “I am not!” James snapped. “I just—I—oh, what the hell.” He buried his face in his hands again. Remus looked at Sirius. “He just swore. James never does that, except when something big happens. What just happened that I missed?” “Okay,” Sirius smiled innocently, “prepare yourself for a good laugh.” “SIRIUS!” “Prongs, it is.” Letting himself fall onto the floor. “I’m up for a story! Tell. Tell. Tell.” “You sure, Moony, old friend, old pal? You know, two days before your—er—problems, you honestly shouldn’t have any excitement…” Sirius was having fun. “SIRIUS!” “Okay; fine--I declare myself overwhelmed,” Sirius amended. “Sit. Listen. Be prepared.” “Prepared for what?” “Listen means don’t talk.” “Listening!” “Okay then. See, Lily came into the common room this morning around five thirty…” To James’ relief, Remus hadn’t laughed. He simply frowned. “James, this is an odd situation.” “Yeah; you think I didn’t notice that?” ”I hope you did! Otherwise I’d have a really bad opinion of your powers of perception.” Upstairs, Lily didn’t care how many people she woke up while burrowing through her trunk for clothing. Her hand landed on the silk of the dress robes he had bought her, and, wonder in her forest-green eyes, she lifted then up, touching the silk. The memory of that day flooded over her…especially what he’d said to her. “You look beautiful.” He’d never said anything like that to her before…he’d never said anything of that nature… Suddenly, Lily couldn’t wait for the end of term to arrive. Did he still think of her like that?—could he ever… That was the last time she had the leisure to think about that morning; though the week after next was Easter holidays, the seventh years had more work piled upon them than ever before, what with their graduation exams and the Apparition tests and optional exams that would give them extra titles—like a doctor’s degree in Muggle colleges, only these licensed a wizard or witch to perform certain spells that were forbidden to the rest of the wizarding world. Needless to say, the Unforgivable Curses were not allowed by any means, but there were still some that not everyone was empowered to use, like conjuring up buildings out of the air, which was forbidden in the wizarding world, as then no one would be buying houses at all; the same went for food. Lily, needless to say, was taking all of these, and James was taking most of them. Every teacher they had was trying to suffocate them under piles of parchment and ink and books—and Remus wasn’t, as usual, excused from it whenever he transformed. Usually, the teachers wouldn’t give him the work—well, besides Professor McGonagall, who gave him extra sessions after he returned to his normal schedule. The rings around his eyes were growing more pronounced than ever; he usually didn’t look this exhausted after a transformation, but now, what with the lack of sleep, he was starting to look a bit frightening; the Slytherins found lots of time to snicker about his appearance every time he passed them in the corridors. Lily stopped that, though; she caught Roger Knappett, the Slytherin Seeker, after he had said something about Remus needing to sprout wings; he already had the brains and eyes of an owl. If Lily hadn’t been Head Girl, he would have landed in the hospital wing; as it was, fifty points were taken from Slytherin, and the incidents weren’t repeated. The rest of April and May passed in a blur of studying, working, and flying parchment, and June rode in on winged horses with their hooves on fire; it was hot inside the castle and out; every window was constantly open, Peeves had been thanked ecstatically by a couple of fourth year boys after he upended a bucket of ice water over their heads in the Charms corridor. Needless to say, it had unnerved the poltergeist badly; he wasn’t used to people flinging their arms around him. Lily hadn’t forgotten to check the Daily Prophet periodically. A small resistance group was rumored to be founded by the Ministry; they were to fight Lord Voldemort, whose name and capabilities were now disclosed, as well as his hatred for all Muggles and Muggle-borns and their intended fate in his eyes. Several Hufflepuff girls had stopped reading the newspaper; they were Muggle-born, and they were terrified of what might happen to them. The second week in June was exam week; the morning of their first one, every single seventh year showed up in the Great Hall with their books tucked underneath their arms, and they hardly spoke, except to quiz each other on the fourteen uses for fairy dust in emotion potions. Lora was sitting at the Gryffindor table again. It had been considered useless to try to stop her, and, after all, it wasn’t exactly against school rules… She sighed loudly and smacked her head with her Astronomy book. “Someone please tell me what a stinking triple solar eclipse is! Anyone? ANYONE! Aargh!” “Lora,” Lily commented, amused, “calm down! It’s not the end of the world, you know.” “No, just exam day! I’m going to fail. I’m going to flunk. I—oh, what the heck. Pass the butter.” Lily pushed it towards her friend. “As long as you put it on your toast.” Lora sighed. “Party pooper. Sirius would have looked so nice with yellow streaks…” Sirius snapped into reality. “Lora, don’t you dare!” “I was joking, honestly!” “For some strange reason I don’t seem to like your jokes.” “Geez, well—“ “SHUT UP!” The five seventh years around the two had yelled that in unison, causing Professor McGonagall to stand up from the staff table, frowning like she could never scowl again. “Ten points from Gryffindor! Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, you should know better!” “Excuse us, Professor,” the five mumbled, shooting daggers at Lora and Sirius. Their Charms exam was easier than most; they had to charm tiny Professor Flitwick with an extremely strong Cheering charm; so strong that it could break through his shield. Lily managed it easily, of course, but everyone was too caught up in murmuring facts about the 1658 Battle of Dorf to pay any attention to anyone or anything else. History of Magic was one of the stuffiest classes she could ever hope to avoid; the dust motes were circling everywhere and forming circles and lines in the unmoving air as the students scribbled in the answers to fifteen pages of questions. Professor Binns, for once, was paying attention to their behavior, so they couldn’t conjure up a cold drink or anything of that sort. He wouldn’t open the windows, and it was getting almost unbearably hot and sticky inside the classroom. Professor Dorvan had been unusually quiet, reserved, and almost mentally absent during their classes for the past month or so; they didn’t know why, but at least it meant that they wouldn’t be having a practical exam. They didn’t. For three hours, they sat in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, writing down countercurses to dangerous hexes and things of that sort. Divination was filled with imitation trances. By now, they were supposed to know how to go into trances and tell of things that would happen in ten, twenty years. Only one or two students had actually managed to hypnotize themselves into thinking that they were in a trance; the others were telling of their disembowelment by raving cat or something like that. Herbology and Potions were practical exams; in Herbology they had to restrain giant Mandrakes with special charms to keep them from breaking the pots they were put in, while Potions called for the making of a Polyjuice Potion that would last for one hour, but this kind transformed one into an animal, which the regular potion wouldn’t let one do. They had a break of a morning before their elective course’s exam; this meant James’ and Lily’s Anatomy of Magical Creatures class. Professor Maar had set them to the task of finding out what poison lay in a baby dragon’s brain—each student had an unconscious one, with the flame jets removed. They had to find out the identity of the poison, extract it, or prescribe an antidote. Either way, even Lily was walking out of that class with a crestfallen face. “I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t. I couldn’t have been…I’ll fail. I’ll fail miserably!” Lily whined. James frowned. “Lily, I wouldn’t be talking if I were you. At least you FOUND the poison.” “Well, that wasn’t too hard,” Lily started to lecture. “See, the gland next to the muscles running up from the throat control the fire jets, and they were removed, giving clear access to the—“ “LILY!” James was losing patience. “I just got out of the stupid exam, okay? Don’t make me have to live through it again!” “Okay, okay!” she grumbled, quite disgruntled. “Your loss.” “No, my win,” he shot back before disappearing around the corner of a corridor. The Astronomy exam was held that night on the North Tower. Their task was relatively simple; to calculate the times between Venus’ eclipse of the moon on such and such a latitude and longitude of the planet; nothing Lily wasn’t already used to. Now, as she lay flopped in a couch, she kept thinking aobut the upcoming exams, the ones for normally prohibited spells. They were admittedly quite hard, and barely a handful of students each year could become licensed to perform two of them. When Lily was shunted into the Headmaster’s office, where Rowland Sikora sat, instead of Dumbledore, she and James were pointed to several desks sitting in the corner. Severus was already sitting there; as was Lucius; Macnair and Avery were two others. “Sit,” Sikora ordered. “You will be given your test papers immediately, and I will be supervising your work. Cheating will result in expulsion of this school and the breaking of the offender’s wand. Do you all understand?” “Yes, Minister,” they murmered, then slid into their seats as several stacks of parchment still wet with ink appeared on each desk. It wasn’t easy; the five different ways to conjure a flying rabbit were still rather hazy in Lily’s mind, no matter how hard she tried to fix them there, and she had never even heard of the fourteenth color of some sort of creature’s ear. Or whatever it was. She’d gotten a blinding headache a few minutes into the exams, and it had literally been getting hard to see the words on the parchment. She had made it through, however, and immediately retreated to her dormitory; her head was splitting. Then they were free—free! No more exams; no more school for the seventh years and nothing at all till they took their Apparition tests, which they could do any time, now that they had taken the course. And now there were also only two days left until the grand thousandth year ball—something Lily was looking forward to less and less. |