She bit her lip and squinted her eyes for a second, before spurting out, "your mother would be very displeased with you running around half-dressed with scratches all over you." I tried to not laugh when I replied: "don’t you think it would be your mother that was displeased that you were running around with me being half-dressed?" Judy’s mouth opened in the shape of a perfect "o" and I could see she was about to leave me, which made me wish that I had not been so quick to speak. I sat up and touched her back. "No, wait...come to the dance with me, Judy." I said it quickly, hoping that if I said it fast enough that I would sound confident. To my immense relief she smiled at me before dropping her head.
I was watching her pretty rosebud lips as they parted, and had an urge to kiss her. I reached out to touch her hand, but missed and grabbed her knee instead. I was half expecting a slap for my blunder, but after a short pause, she merely whispered, "yes." I sighed and began thanking the sky above. She began to giggle, and grabbed up her basket before hurrying off.
The night of the dance I sought out Naomi’s advice and general counsel. When she saw me she covered her mouth stifling a laugh. I was horrified. "Do I look that ridiculous?" "Oh no! You just look about as happy as if you were attending your own funeral. Why so miserable?" I stuck my hands in my pockets and rocked back and forth. "I’m taking Judy," I finally confessed. Naomi took a seat on her bed. "I didn’t think you all got along anymore." "We haven’t seen much of each other lately." "Actually, she dropped by a couple of days ago, and you weren’t here. I seemed disappointed, although she said she was coming to say goodbye to me."
Naomi would be leaving in a week. It was clear to me that she was beginning to be very lonely, and probably needed to return to Charleston. I noticed that Naomi was not dressed for the dance. "Aren’t you coming, Naomi?" "Oh no," she said shaking her head. "I wouldn’t have any fun. I miss Will too much." "You’ll be going home in a week," I said, hoping to convince her to change her mind. "He sent me a letter, and I think I’ll stay home and read it over. He needs me." "You could visit more often. You and Will both," I said, feeling put out. "I know, I’m sorry. This town is hard on him, somehow, and he needs to get away. And I’d follow him anywhere, so it doesn’t matter much what I think."
I sniffed and messed with my collar before wiping my clammy hands on my pants. "You’ll be alright," Naomi said with a gentle smile. "What if I get there and she’s changed her mind," I said, thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong. "Now, I know she wouldn’t do that. You two have been friends for too long." "Things can change," I said unconvinced. "That’s true." Naomi looked as if she was going to laugh again. "Although, I can almost guarantee that she has what she wants."
That night I lay awake thinking for a long time. I thought Judy looked like an angel that evening: her dress was light blue, and she had worn her hair up. She had held my hand, and I could perfectly recall the way it felt in mine, along with every smile she had given me and every sweet bit of nothing that she had said. It had almost been hard to look at her, she was so pretty. But laying there alone, I was able to imagine things that I could not when she was actually there. I could pretend she was laying right there with me, and as naive as I was, I thought I would know what to do if she was.
Lately I had trouble controlling my voice, as it was varying between my boyish one and something deeper and more manly, so I was careful to speak with purpose. "Hello Judy." She smiled, and I thought she mouthed my name, but I did not hear anything as she put the tips of her fingers on the counter in front of us. "Would you like me to get you something?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the man behind the counter dressed all in white. She smiled as she bit her lip, and nodded ‘yes’. "Lemonade?" she said quietly. Once she was sipping on a lemonade, I found it easier to speak to her, as her eyes were fixed on the glass instead of me.
"How is your family?" she asked with a twinkle. "Mr. O’Neil asked Mary to marry him, and she accepted.." Judy’s smile was infectious. "Oh how wonderful!" In fact, a year later Mary would be married to Mr. O’Neil, and they would move to Boston, where she would become the second member of our family to become a writer. I noticed that Judy had begun to blush, which I first thought was due to the mention of marriage, but then I realized that I was staring a little too intently. She sighed somewhat nervously and leaned forward. After a slight pause, she wet her lips and said quickly, "I’m having a little party. I really want you to be there." She slipped off her stool, and began again in a smaller voice. "It’s Saturday. You think you want to come?" She swallowed and put her hands in front of her. The only thing I could manage was a quiet ‘yes’, but it was enough. "Thank you for the lemonade," she said, before turning. As she was leaving, an older young man held the door for her, and I wished that I had offered to walk her home.
Although I was thrilled at the prospect of attending a party at Judy’s house, once I was on the doorstep I was filled with dread. When I saw her face at the door, I felt some inner confusion: I had once known Judy, and I did not know this young lady standing in front of me. I was the first boy to arrive, but the other girls were out on the porch, she informed me, as she led me back through the house and out onto the porch. Walking slightly behind her, I marveled at her appearance, and how delicate she now seemed. I was quickly jerked into reality, however, when faced with the faces of the other young girls. Courtney, Alice, and Julie said hello to me nearly in unison. I was no longer comfortable being in the company of girls, and for a moment I was left to worry that I was going to be the only boy present, when thankfully Willie and Tom Schmitt were ushered in by one of the Price’s servants.
I sat down on the porch swing, and Willie seated himself next to me on a wooden chair, and he promptly reached over to punch me in the meat of my arm. I could not reach him, so I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. The same servant returned with a tray of cakes, and Judy urged us all to take some. Judy turned to the servant. "Nellie, can you bring us the lemonade?" "Yes, Miss Price." We were all sticking cake in our mouth and not saying anything, when Nellie returned with another tray, this time with a large pitcher of lemonade. Judy jumped up yet again, and picked a silver bowl off the tray. "Sugar?" she asked as she began filling glasses.
As I observed everything around me, I was struck for perhaps the first time by the riches that surrounded Judy’s life. My family was very well off in our town, but compared to the Price’s lifestyle, we seemed to have minimal comforts. The realization made me uncomfortable. Judy seemed uncomfortable as well, owing to the silence, and I knew she was trying to enliven the group as best she could.
"Shall we play a game?" she asked hesitantly. "I know one to play," Tom said leaning back in his chair. "Oh good," Judy responded, sounding very relieved that someone else was taking over. "Well, we take turns asking each other questions." "Questions?" Julie asked with a confused look on her face. "Yes, questions...personal questions. If you won’t answer, then you have to take a challenge." "Let’s start then," Julie eagerly insisted. Tom began to look around, trying to select his victim, and his eyes lit up with mischief when they stopped on Courtney.
"I’ve got a question for you, Courtney," he said. Courtney’s voice was nasal and high-pitched. "Go ahead, I don’t mind." Tom’s face broadened into a smile. "Did you cheat on Mr. Fisher’s last vocabulary test?" Courtney’s mouth dropped open and she began blinking quickly. "Answer, or take my challenge." You could see her weighing the option. Finally she sighed, and putting her glass back on the tray, said "yes," as briskly as she could. Julie smirked: she tended to be the worst student of the group, and now it seemed to her that she might not be the dimmest after all. Willie also had a strong reaction. "I can’t believe you did that!" "His tests are impossible!" Courtney argued. Alice turned to smile at me. "Chris is the only one who always does well." I felt a swell of pride: I was convinced that I was the smartest one in the class, but I wanted everyone else to be convinced of it too.
Courtney was eager to question someone else. "I want to ask Julie a question." "Don’t bother," Julie said rolling her eyes. "No?" Tom said, more eager to hear personal things about girls than watch them do an embarrassing challenge. "No, I’ll do whatever it is you want me to, but no questions!" Courtney sat quietly considering, and finally she clapped her hands. "I know! You have to put a tack on Mr. Fisher’s chair!" Courtney seemed very satisfied with herself, but the rest of us were disappointed. "That’s not how it works," Tom said, pushing back his hair. "Why not?" Courtney asked. "Because if you don’t do it now, where is the fun in that?" he said frustrated. "I’ll do it when we go back to school," Julie said cheerily, happy that everyone would probably have forgotten by that time.
"Go ahead then, you get to ask a question," Tom said, trying to hurry the game along, which had quickly turned dull. "I’m no good at this sort of thing. Willie can take my turn if he wants." Alice, who sat next to me at school with white eyelashes and hazel eyes, shook her head. "Can you just do that?" "As long as we hear some good stuff, I don’t care who asks the questions," Tom said with aggravation. "Alright, I’ve got something then," Willie said. When he turned and looked at me, I felt a little queasy, but surely my best friend would not choose to embarrass me.
"Whose your favorite girl?" His words struck me. I cleared my throat, and tried to bargain for time. "How do you mean?" "Aw, you know what he means," Tom said with a smirk. I realized that I was not going to be able to back out of the question without taking a challenge. I could just say Judy, but I did not like the thought of doing so in front of all these people. And if I said I did not like anyone, I ran the risk of hurting Judy, if she did have feelings for me. I realized Alice was looking expectedly at me, and that was the final reason I had to take a challenge. "Go ahead, give me a challenge." I tried to sound confidant, and inwardly I was planning to kick Willie to the next county after this was all over. "Your choice!" he said with a laugh. The look he was giving me was not reassuring. "Kiss Judy then." "What now?" I demanded, completely appalled. The minute it was out of my mouth I could tell that I sounded disgusted, which was not my intention. Judy nervously laughed and avoided my gaze. I was trying to get her to look up at me, but her delicate down-turned face was turning red. I was furious with Willie. Judy stood, but she still stared at the floor. "I’m sorry, but I think everyone needs to go," she whispered, before hurrying off the porch.
Dan and I were leaving Church the following day. Dan was fifteen, and thought himself quite grown up, but he found himself stuck with me every Sunday for lack of anyone else to sit with in the pews. Our plan was to go swimming. On our way we passed the Catholic church across the road, and I spotted Judy walking with her friend Lisa. I knew I had to act, or possibly have my relationship with Judy ruined. "You go ahead. I’ll meet you there," I yelled at Dan as I hurried across the road.
Judy and Lisa did not stop walking even though I knew they could see me walking towards them. I got in front of them, and walked backwards. "Hello girls." Lisa looked up at me, but Judy did not, and seeing this, Lisa looked back down again. Judy tried to walk around me, but I did my best to quickly walk backwards. Judy was forced to grab her hat, as it threatened to blow off her head. "Excuse me," she said, trying once more to get around me. "Judy, could I speak with you? Please?" My tone was apologetic, but I was going to be out of breath any moment, as I was still having to jog backwards. She stopped short, and I was thankfully able to stand still for a moment. "Please?" She sighed and still would not look me in the face But the fact that she had paused gave me hope. "I just want to walk with you, for a moment, if Lisa doesn’t mind." Lisa looked at Judy, but she received no sign. "I’ll be going home, then," she said hesitantly.
As soon as Lisa was gone, I lightly touched Judy’s elbow. "Will you come with me?" I asked, applying small pressure to her elbow. She did not answer me, but she stepped forward, and I started to lead her out of town. After we passed the last house in town, Judy pulled away from me and stood under the shade of a large old oak tree. "Why did you drag me out here?" she asked quietly with her back turned to me. "I need to set this all straight." "If it’s about yesterday, I don’t want to talk about it." "Judy this is difficult for me." She turned back to face me and tears were running down her face. "Aren’t I humiliated enough?" she said wiping at her face.
I had never made Judy cry before, and the sight of it made me feel like a monster. I reached out and touched her shoulder. "If I would have know that he was going to do that...well, I would have been better off answering him than taking the challenge, because there is no way that I was going to do that. I couldn’t kiss you." Judy knocked my hand off her shoulder, and I had to grab both of her arms, so she did not run from me. "I mean that I didn’t want to kiss you in front of all those people. That would have made it a game...or...or something." Judy stopped struggling, and I was able to let go of her to fumble for a handkerchief. "Thank you," she mumbled. I was mesmerized by her beautiful face and white graceful neck. "I thought..." she began, but trailed off. "I would like to," I said taking her arms again. She looked up at me. "Yes?" "I would like to..." I found I could not finish. "You would?" she said with a small smile. Her voice was so sweet, and seeing that her tears had stopped and she was now smiling again, I thought I might safely attempt to do what it was I was trying to verbalize.
I drew her closer to me and bent my face to lightly kiss her lips. They were so soft that I reached up with my one hand to touch her cheek to see if that was just as soft. Her hat blew off, but she did not stop to grab for it. Instead, she slipped her hands around my neck. I pulled back from her slightly, just enough so I could look at her fully. "You’re beautiful." She touched my lower lip with her index finger. "Did I ruin your party?" I asked at a loss for what to say, but instead of answering me, she leaned in close to me once again, closing her eyes again. I obligingly kissed her again, but after this second kiss, I began to feel guilty. I ran my fingers through her dark hair. Putting my finger under her chin, I tilted her face up and kissed her forehead. "You should go," I whispered. "Why?" "Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to do this sort of thin?" I teased. "But this is innocent," she said pouting. What she failed to realize was that I was not having innocent thoughts. "No, you really should go." "You’re not going to walk me home?" I shook my head ‘no’. "I should be mad," she said smiling. "Will you sit next to me at school?" she asked. How could I say no?
I walked out of the school house, and Judy was sitting on a bench in the school yard. I had been courting her all of junior year, but I was still surprised to see her. "You didn’t have to wait for me." "I did. I wanted to see you." Her tone sounded jealous to me. We started to walk, and she was silent for quite a while. "We never do anything, anymore," she said with a sigh. We turned a corner, and I ran my hand down her neck. "I know what we could do," I said in a play seductive voice. At any other time she would have playfully let me kiss her before feigning boredom, but she would have none of it. She brushed my hand away. "I don’t want to bother you. But I would appreciate you telling me. I don’t want to be led on." "What are you talking about? Judy, I’m just practicing. This is very important. The recognition could mean the difference between my getting into college or not." Judy laughed. "That’s ridiculous. You and everyone else knows that you can get in anywhere you like!"
I was frustrated, and I did not want to argue with her, so I started to briskly walk away, but she followed quickly on my heels. "I feel like I’m competing with a contest!" I stopped short, and Judy bumped into me. Stepping back, she hit me with one of her small fists right below her sternum, but being so much smaller, she did not cause any damage, which seemed to enrage her further. "You make me so mad!" she flared before hurrying off.
A week later, my family and I were in a neighboring town for the competition. There were multiple rounds of eliminations, with the preliminaries being closed to anyone except the contestants and judges. I scanned the list that had been posted after all of the speeches had been completed in the final round, and my family stood behind me. My father pounded me on the back. "Second place is a good showing." "He deserved first," my mother said, pursing her lips. I just wanted to get away from everyone. "I don’t care. This isn’t my sort of thing anyway." My father was about to chastise me, but I hurried through the crowd.
I had a few hours before I was supposed to leave for the drive back home, and all I wanted to do was walk. I had not expected to see Judy today. We had not been speaking the past couple of days, so when I saw her walk in on the arm of the older boy from school, my hands began to sweat, and my confidence was thrown. He barely ever even attended school at this point, and I considered him one of the dumbest people I knew. And she had not even come with him, she was on his arm. Seeing that hurt so much, he might as well have kissed her in front of me.
I had just managed to get away from the crowd, when I saw her again, and nearly spun around to avoid her. She smiled, but I fixed her with a cold stare. "You know Bill, Chris." "Yes." Bill was too busy looking at his reflection in a storefront to even glance at me. "You did a very nice job." It took nearly everything in me to say ‘thank you’. "I really liked when you said..." I interrupted, sharply saying, "I’ll see you later." I pushed my way past both of them, feeling my face begin to burn, and thrusting my clenched fists into my pockets.
Once home, I decided to work ahead as much as I could, figuring that there was nothing else I could be spending my time on. I wrote extra essays, read everything I could get my hands on, wrote poems, and made speeches, all which I submitted to Mr. Fisher, who was thrilled to see my focus. It made it easier to avoid Judy, and that was exactly what I wanted to do, since seeing her made my heart ache. I could tell that my family had noticed the change, but I refused to speak about it with anyone.
I was playing baseball with most of the boys from school in the late afternoon, sitting in the grass and waiting for my turn to bat. There was a tap on my shoulder, and I looked to the side, expecting to see one of my schoolmates. It was Judy. "Christopher, I need to talk to you." I turned back, looking out on the field. "No, I’d miss my turn to bat." She bent down so that her lips were almost touching my ear. "Please, Chris," she whispered. I had promised myself that I would never speak to her again, but with her so close, I could not say deny her the request.
I stood up with a sigh, and began to follow her towards a wooden bench that sat under a large spreading tree that was hung with moss. She sat first, and I sat as far as I could from her. "Please don’t be like this," she said crossing her feet at the ankles. I remained silent, waiting for something. "What’s wrong?" she asked, and it infuriated me that she would even ask such a question. After it became clear that she was waiting for an answer, I turned to look at her. "You betrayed me," I said flatly. "Don’t be so dramatic. You certainly weren’t being very good to me." "You’re just jealous!" I said, shaking my head. "I’ve always been proud of you, not jealous. Just being with you makes me feel special. But you’ve been ignoring me for weeks, and it was beginning to make me feel so stupid, like everyone was talking about me, waiting...just waiting on you" she said quietly.
Despite all her the thought that had gone into what she said, I did not give any to them. "You ruined everything." "Did I?" she asked with clear frustration. "You court other men, parade them right in front of me..." "Stop! You weren’t being attentive. You hurt my feelings. I thought that it might make you...take notice at least. It couldn’t change anything, because unless you meant to...meant to marry...." Judy trailed off, but her words had gotten my attention. I turned back to look at her. She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable that I was tempted to forgive her.
