You know, it's funny...
I used to be a big Ted Rall (cartoonist / columnist) fan, pissed that I missed his Dayton bookstore visit and everything. This was back when he was pretty obscure (never heard him mentioned anywhere).

Then Sept. 11 happened.

Now he's probably the most famous anti-war jackass in the world (second only to the filthy Sontag). Almost every war blog I frequent has cracked on him at least once. Today Ken Layne (not for the first time) makes him look pretty seriously fucking bad. How? By quoting him...lots.

I'd put a little picture of him on this page, but he'd probably sue me.

BTW: PopUpCop works really well.

Mmm..breakfast at McDonald's.

I'm beginning to be of the opinion that John Walker should be left free. It just doesn't seem like he's actually done anything. Idunno.

I discovered a bug in Mozilla. I can't use it to uploading stuff to Geocities. Did I report this bug? No. But I did spend about an hour finding out how to report a bug, checking to see if it had been reported (I don't think it has, but who knows) and determining whether or not it would be appropriate to report it. In the end, I was successfully discouraged from reporting the bug, convinced that imperfect bug reporting is of no value and that should I not be able to tell them the exact cause of the incorrect behavior then they wouldn't fix it anyway.

Looks like there's going to be a big war between India and Pakistan. That should be interesting. Nuclear war, baby.

I installed Mozilla this morning for the first time. I like it. It's very similar to IE.

Tried to get some free games from some "warez" sites. Instead I just got a fucking headache from all the goddamned inconveniences they intentionally put between me and the stinking files.

Those afghans are some violent motherfuckers. I think I may have just seen some dead afghani people on TV. They should have to put some logo in the corner of the screen whenever they show real dead people. I hate to think that at any given moment some of the people I'm seeing are fucking dead.

Laura Bush is pretty. I'd like to meet her. I really just like her "mousy" smile. Don't tell anyone I said that, though (pics of bush family).


Continuing to download (and later delete) much music from Epitonic.com. Today I'm kinda liking Quasi...but not much. Epitonic has a nice e-mail newsletter, BTW. Also, The Vandermark 5 aren't too bad for "experimental" jazz.

I'm still unemployed. The 3rd shift cashier at Speedway recommends the record store at the mall. I like the thought of working at the record store, forcing my opinions on customers all day.

Did I say I liked Quasi? I changed my mind. Peaches - "Lovertits" (mp3) is okay though.

Being a journalist would be so cool. After looking at these Guardian UK photo galleries, I'm dying to go some place where something big is happening. In the mean time a decent news service would be nice, though. Hey, like right now (and this is a horrible example, but it'll have to do) there's an olympic torch ceremony at the White House. If I lived in DC, I would be there. I have absolutely nothing better to do (at least it's something, as opposed to sitting here typing nonsense). That said, why the hell is it on CNN and MSNBC (as opposed to just being quickly mentioned)? You know there's something interesting happening somewhere in the world right now. There's more news than could possibly be covered. When I'm King, all of this is going to change.

So I just heard about "Esperanto" (a "language" someone made up from scratch for the purpose of international communication) and maybe kinda 'cause I'm bored think I might look into it and at least learn a word or two. But that name is so fucking stupid. I just can't get over it. It's fucking ridiculous. "Esperanto"? Wtf. It kills me every time I read it.

I like mornings...

I love the morning. Something about being awake in the morning makes me feel good...alive, even. In fact, I suffer just for the pleasure of being awake in the morning. Today, after waking at 3pm yesterday, I'll be awake until ~6pm, for the most part horribly fatigued and incapacitated. ALL so I fix my sleeping schedule for the 3rd time in a week.

...and 15 year old girls

I wasted much of the night, thanks to Tony Pierce's links page, feeding my fascination with 15-year-old-girls-with-blogs-and-web-cams. My new fave: The Sad Leah ("Snow Queen")(different from the other 15 year old Lovely Leah with a blog and web cam). I like her 'cause she's sad. Sad like me ("I explained how I felt to her and hearing the words come out of my mouth just made me realise just how fucked up everything is.").

But I hate Mp3 saboteurs...

I downloaded the song Roller's Row (mp3) by The Capitol Years. Good stuff. Then I downloaded like 10 of their other songs, which turned out to be mislabeled Frank Sinatra crap. I fucking hate people who purposely mislabel music just to fuck me over. And downloading music is not stealing, motherfuckers!

Good (newish?) bands: Starlite Desperation, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and The Delta 72

...and Spike Lee

I hate Spike Lee (he's on the fucking morning show or something collecting gifts). For a essay in English 251 I decided to write on the controversy of Quentin Tarantino's frequent use of the word "nigger" in his scripts ('cause I had vaguely recalled that being controversial). Turns out there was no controversy. There was only Spike "Retard" Lee whining about it (and Samuel L Jackson telling him [in nicer words] to go fuck himself). My paper sucked. Thanks Spike.

Update: I looked up "Spike Lee Sucks" (quotation marks included) on Google and only got 12 results. Something needs to be done about this: SPIKE LEE SUCKS SPIKE LEE SUCKS SPIKE LEE SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! Hey, now I just looked up "self righteous motherfucker" and only got 7 results! What's wrong with this Internet? Maybe Google's on the fritz or something. Anyway, the SRMF search brought up this fine, oldschool rant.

I might have cancer...

I have a full-on Ganglion Cyst. It doesn't hurt and I don't think it's cancerous. I don't have a digital camera (I'm far too poor), but here's a pic of one that looks damned similar to mine:

...but it could be worse:

I was going to link the word "Retard" to a funny picture of someone with Down Syndrome or something...but ended up reading about the condition and feeling sad and lucky.

TUESDAY

8:00 AM - 9:30 AM: Read the new additions to the Interface Hall of Shame. That site is so fucking funny (but you'll feel like a real nerd).

9:30 AM: Diagnosed myself with Asperger Syndrome (although I only scored a 24 on the Autism quiz)

10:04 AM: Read crummy, uninspired essay on the "Middle Mind", which bashes some show called Fresh Air that is apparently well known.

10:07 AM: Look up Fresh Air.

Idea: make a program that facilitates the logging of trivial events.

10:53 AM: See headline "US plan to topple Saddam" on Drudge Report. Hurrah.

11:03 AM: TO DO: Sell plasma (is there still a demand?); buy books (including "Understanding Movies"); pick a motherboard; work on "4 Year Planner" (program); work on "Trivial Events" (blog buddy ripoff); re-"design" journal to fit new "trivial events" format; maybe do something with Worst Log Ever so it doesn't suck so bad.

Results of study conclude what I've already experienced: people who use the Internet watch less TV. Of course, I have my television on every minute I'm awake...I'm just not watching it. Why don't I watch as much TV these days? The same reason I don't read fiction: I like it and everything, it's just hard to justify throwing away that much goddamn time.

11:11 AM: Realize my stupid journal has ended up being what most blogs are: lots and lots of crap.

The new Mystikal song/video is pretty fucking sweet ("Bouncin' Back"...the one where he's in a mental institution)

11:13 AM: This constant-updating stuff just isn't going to last.

I'm awake during the day! Hurrah for me!

Dilemma: I don't feel like taking a shower...but I probably should before I go to buy books (I might have to wait in a big line...and I'd hate to make my line-mates suffer). Hmmm..

My parents rarely listen to music...but when they do they always fucking blare it. Damn it all to hell.

The "kid across the street" has been considered quite the villain at my house for years. I was chatting with him again yesterday. My parents noticed. Ha ha ha. They were like "so were you telling him where we keep our credit cards?" (they're very sarcastic people) and I was like "he's a nice guy". I told them how he said his parents didn't believe they were my parents 'cause they're so young (they are). So they were like "okay, we like his parents...but we still hate him".

Why do they have to play their music so goddamned loud? It's the shittiest music in the world, too.

TO DO CONT'D: ummm...oh yeah: stop talking to myself and get a job.

11:26 AM: Hey, The Strokes video is on in the middle of the day!

Coughing, Sniffling, Sneezing

Despite constantly taking Nyquil, it turns out I'm not immune to colds. I've had one for a week. Of course, as soon as I started my unemployment "vacation" it was inevitable that something shitty would happen (but usually it's my car that gets "sick"). Poor me.

2 Point Fucking Zero

I got my grades from last quarter today. Math: C, Philosophy: C, Sociology: C. Isn't that nice? In Math I really earned a D, but the instructor was a damn nice guy and in Philosophy I earned a B or C (no hard feelings) but in Sociology I earned a fucking B. On the first exam I got a B, on the second exam I got a B and on the final I'm pretty damn sure I got an A or a B. So why the C? Because I missed lots of fucking pop-quizzes. That's right. That fucking bitch fucked me out of a letter grade 'cause she doesn't like people who don't show up to class (example of pop quiz I missed - as told by The Lovely Michelle: What's your name?).

Blah

New Manson video's the fucking bomb. I'm diggin' the Manson-as-rap-star look, I hope other rock stars do it too.

I'm looking forward to commercial-free (and hopefully DJ-free) satellite radio in my car (someday).

China Magic Wok is the best Chinese food place on the face of the Earth.

Yesterday I was actually awake during the day. It was nice, I got a lot done. Right now it's 4 in the morning and I'm still up...so I guess I'm back to being nocturnal.

The Kid Across The Street

Yesterday a crazy thing happened. In short: I've always hated the "kid across the street" (the guy who lives across the street from me) 'cause he has a big bass box thing in the trunk of his car and on occasion shakes my (parents') fucking house with it. Every time I've chatted with him he's seemed pretty cool, though. Anyway, I happened to run into him on the street the other day and we started bullshitting (talking). Next thing I know, it's 5 hours later. That's right. We talked for 5 hours. Crazy. Oh, and I'm supposed to hang out with him this weekend and try some "glass" for the first time. I guess it's the best thing since Coke (but it stings your nose a bit, hence the name).

The Lovely Michelle

In 6th grade she was pretty uncool, and her and her equally uncool friend (together) would call me all the fucking time until I told them to fuck off (long story). In 9th grade, she was suddenly really fucking cool and hot...and just as I was getting to know her I moved to Florida (reeeaaallly long story). So, because I have such great karma or God loves me or something I had Sociology with her this quarter and got to talk to her during the class smoke breaks and she gave me her number ('cause she agreed to cut my hair and I kept harassing her about it). Despite the fact that she has a boyfriend, I really would like to hang out with her. I just can't think of a reason to call / thing for us to do / etc. This is one girl I'm going to seriously regret losing contact with.

I'VE DECIDED ON A MAJOR!

...and not a moment too soon. I'm majoring in Business. My career: Strategic Planner or Management Consultant. This is what I was meant to do. My goal is to graduate, move to New York City (or LA), get a job at KPMG and be the best goddamned Strategic Planning motherfucker in the universe.

Me And Everyone Else

The Present Age
Søren Kierkegaard
1846

Excellent essay that does a damn good job summing up society and me. Does anything ever change?

The public is not a people, it is not a generation, it is not a simultaneity, it is not a community, it is not a society, it is not an association, it is not those particular men over there, because all these exist because they are concrete and real; however, no single individual who belongs to the public has any real commitment; some times during the day he belongs to the public, namely, in those times in which he is nothing; in those times that he is a particular person, he does not belong to the public. Consisting of such individuals, who as individuals are nothing, the public becomes a huge something, a nothing, an abstract desert and emptiness, which is everything and nothing. . . .

Quit My Job...

Hey, I quit my job as a cashier at Speedway. I realized I couldn't work this weekend at the last minute and I couldn't get any of the assholes I work with to switch days with me so I quit. Why couldn't I work this weekend? 'Cause I have to study like fucking mad for my Math final Monday (the class I might fail and, by extension, might cause my parents to stop paying my tuition which might result in my being horribly poor for a very long time).

...Got A Haircut...

I got a much-needed haircut today (last one was like 6 months ago). I did this so I wouldn't ruin the damned "family photo" I had to be a part of -- I can't begin to describe the misery of discovering, for the 80th time, that I'm pretty goddamned hideous and trying to force a smile at the same time.

...And Subscribed To Some Magazines.

Sites I visit frequently:
USS Clueless: Voyages of a restless mind
Weblog. Thoughtful responses to war-related topics. Many entries per day (there's no way that guy has a job).

Reason (magazine)
Essays on stuff.

The Atlantic (magazine)
Essays on stuff.

Leave Pee-Wee Alone!

Damn it all to Hell. The cops are fucking with Paul Reubens again.

"A story in next week's National Enquirer will report cops carted off nearly 2,000 videotapes, dozens of boxes of pornographic pictures, magazines and books, and three computers containing 'lewd material.'"

BTW: I just rented "Blow" (with him and Johnny Depp). It was a pretty good movie, though not especially entertaining.

Also, (if you don't know about it already) make sure to visit Rotten Tomatoes before seeing a movie (or to look for one to see).

'Night Court' Makes Comeback

...and Blogger's working. That's right, I started using Blogger. Maybe if it's really easy to post entries, I'll do it.


Also...
* Theory: driving has a huge impact on people and their tendency to follow rules. That is, the less you drive the less restrained you feel. The more you drive the more accustomed you are to mindlessly following lots of little, arbitrary rules. I will study this someday.

* I feel sorry for Martin Short...he sucks so bad.

* I also pity John Ashcroft...you know...'cause of his eye.

* Saturday night I got my ass kicked at Pool, Foosball, (video game) Football, (video game) Dr Mario, and (video game) Mario Tennis (over at my boss Sheri and my co-worker Butch's house).

Temporary Ban On Hanging Out With Butch

Butch is being a dick. I don't think I'll be hanging out with him any time soon. Why's Butch being a dick?

* Butch lives with his long-time friend David and David's-mom-and-Butch's-boss-and-my-boss Sheri.

* Butch brought girlfriend Gretchen (from now on referred to in this journal as The Gretch -- 'cause it sounds kinda funny) home and introduced her to David.

* David was being very unfriendly to The Gretch. Later...

* Butch, David and myself are hanging at their house (Butch's and David's) playing pool and (Butch and I are) getting drunk.

* Butch mentions to David that he was pissed the other day when David was being unfriendly to The Gretch.

* David says he didn't realize he was being unfriendly.

* Butch goes to restroom.

* (While Butch is away) David tells me, just "between [him] and [me]", that he was being a dick to The Gretch because he kinda likes her (in 'that way') but obviously had no intention of going out with her. BTW: He's in a pretty long-term relationship with Jaime (my fave co-worker).

* Butch comes back in the room, notices something's up, and keeps accusing us of "talking about him".

* David foolishly tells Butch what he told me.

* I no longer hang out with Butch.

Heather Havrilesky Gave Me Advice!

My letter:

Dear Polly,

I dated a girl for like three months and then she moved to Florida. A few days after she moved, I realized how shitty the relationship had been (it was sooo shitty) and decided I never wanted to talk to her again (or in any way be reminded of that fucking nightmare).

So, instead of telling her: I stopped answering her calls, stopped responding to her e-mails and "blocked" her AOL Instant Messenger screen name ('cause I really really didn't want to talk to her).

Anyway, now she has a new AOL IM screen name and is sending me instant messages (e.g. "helloooo", "I know you're just sitting there", "if you don't want to talk to me, just say so, don't ignore me", "okay...have a good life", "hellooo") and I really don't know how long it's going to be before she stops. Also, every message freaks me out.

Am I obligated to explicitly say "I never want to talk to you ever again", or is it ethical to ignore her 'til she stops writing?

Your non-confrontational fan,

Jay

Her excellent advice:

Dearest Jay,

I wish I could say that I can't relate to the sudden onset of utter repulsion toward a so-called loved one, but sadly, I'm just as dysfunctional as you are. I've spent decades tackling difficult emotions with thoughts, leading to an almost reflexive, deeply maladaptive strategy that blends equal parts of denial and neuroticism. Here's how it works:

[her full, wisdom-soaked, copyrighted, response]

So I called Kat, and I think I'm over the whole I-hate-Kat-and-will-never-talk-to-her-again thing.

Also, my new hero is Ming The Merciless ('cause I like his name).

The Dashboard Confessional Show

I saw Dashboard Confessional (official site | review)in Cinncinati on Sunday with JT and Rolson (JT's friend who I went to school with). It turned out to be really fun. Bullet-point review of all things related to the show:

* Conversation on the way there consisted mostly of [a] all the garbage in my car (there's soooo much garbage in there), [b] girls under 18 and [c] how creepy we are for always talking about girls under 18.

* We each drank a 40oz in the parking lot before the show (thank fucking God). I had a nice little buzz going.

* Walked in. Discovered 99.9% of show attendees were about 15 years old. Felt old (but not alienated, thanks to the beer).

* First band sucked. Second band, Rival Schools, kicked ass. Dashboard Confessional was, of course, fucking excellent.

* The only extremely tall motherfucker in the room stood right in front of me while the shortest person in the room stood behind me incessantly touching my ass.

* I was the only one in the crowd who didn't know all the words to every song (I know this because everyone else sang every goddamn word to every goddamn song...it sounded like a fucking children's choir).

* In the forum on Dashboard Confessional's web page, I think someone referred to me as the "drunk guy wearing a gray camo bandana" (even though I only had a little buzz and was wearing a black rag). It was probably one of the kids I stepped on on my way to the restroom.

Speedway Fucks Me Again

In other news, those god-fucking-damned motherfuckers at Speedway didn't pay me today (today, as in, PAYday). If they don't pay me for the miserable fucking labor I did last week in time to buy gas and alcohol for the Strokes show this Friday I'm gonna freak the fuck out. Right before I walked in the door today to pick up the paycheck that wasn't there, it hit me: "oh shit! I'm depending on those motherfuckers to pay me on time! Surely they'll jump on this opportunity to fuck me over! How could I have left myself vulnerable to the evil, incompetent, god-forsaken mother-goddamned-fuckers at Speedway?!?!". Then I said to myself "don't worry about it Jay. Just calm down. Think happy thoughts. It'll be there." And it wasn't. I can't even express how preemptively fucking pissed I am.

Pop Culture to Live For

I've been staying up all night watching MTV for a few weeks and I'm getting pretty excited about new music and, by extension, life in general. This isn't to say that I'm not still unmoved if not disgusted by most things, but a few great, new things now exist. And it could be said that these great new things make life worth living.

I'm excited about The Strokes (watch excellent "Last Nite" video @ their web site).

UPDATE: Strokes singer is wearing CAMEL [cigarettes] T-Shirt! (also: is does he take a drink of beer? what are the subliminal messages?)

I'm totally gonna see them in Cleveland this month. I also became a P!NK fan over-night (watch "Get This Party Started" video) -- Pink is sooo fucking punk rock (in a clean, happy, "mainstream" sort of way) and she looks much better with blonde hair. Kittie came out with a new video! (and presumably a new album). The song isn't that great and the video's worse but it's nice to know they're still making music. And I'm also glad to see MTV is relaxing their no-rock-ever policy and actually playing Ozzy and Rob Motherfucking Zombie.

On the Negative Side, I can't help but feel Rob Zombie's use of the flag is a little contrived (and his lyrics not so evil anymore) and Gavin Rossdale (and everyone else of Bush) is trying waaay too hard (and, sadly, looking a bit old).

Also
I happened upon Gyrate.Org. It's what Plastic would be if it were run by crazy kids who didn't give a fuck about the news.

Old friends I've run into at Speedway who've given me their phone numbers who I haven't called (but will, dammit):
* Shawn
* Amanda
* Melissa (no number, but a place where I can find her)
* Chris
* Joel

My Least Favorite Thing To Do
God, I've really let this journal go to Hell. There's always too much to say. You hate the new "design"? Me too.

Final Mention of Kat
I've decided never to talk to Kat again. She was a cruel bitch. I feel kinda bad since she just moved (it's like I'm "kicking her when she's down") but I really really don't ever want to talk to her ever again. It was a shitty, degrading "relationship" and I don't want to be reminded of it (it haunts me every now and then anyway).

Introducing Gretchen
A while back (like 2 months ago) I had a big "crush" on a customer. She's really cute. I made the mistake of telling my co-worker Butch (who I frequently hang out with now) who predictably started 'hitting on' her whenever she came in. My response was to stop liking her (I'm sure there's a good pop-psychology explanation for that). Did I mention I'm a jealous guy? Anyway, the craziest thing happened. On one of her visits she mentioned to my co-worker Jaime that she didn't know many people and that maybe she and Jaime could hang out some time...and that SHE WANTED TO BE HOOKED UP WITH ME! Since hearing the good news the girl, Gretchen (a name not worthy of such a pretty girl), has stopped in 3 times: all 3 interactions went badly. So (for many reasons) I've come to the conclusion that any attempt at dating her would be at best boring and at worst a full-on disaster.

Recap: a pretty girl I had a crush on wants to date me and I'm not going to ask her out.

This makes me very sad, but I'm still typing. Why am I still typing? How could this story get any worse? You guessed it! Butch (after asking my permission for some reason) is going to ask her out. That's right. After poisoning my crush on a girl (by hitting on her) and full-on tainting the news of her liking me (by constantly reminding me how much he likes her and how shocked he is), he's asking her out. What started out as a little crush I had on a customer has ended in my bastard co-worker dating her (or will...he hasn't asked her out yet). Funny, I almost felt okay about it until writing this entry.

My Favorite Cashier
About 2 weeks ago and for no particular reason I started eating at McDonald's. Since then I've gained 5 fucking pounds. Anyway, here's the bullet-point story of My Favorite Cashier:

* Went into McD's to order 2 Doublecheeseburgers (doublecheese is in the fucking house). A very unfriendly, unemotional, pale, completely straight-faced girl takes my order.

* I come to the conclusion we were meant to be together...but think she might be about 16 years old (I'm 20...see where this is going?).

* ...and maybe she's a bit overweight (hard to tell with loose-fitting uniform).

* I stop by (via drive-thru) and she's working the drive-thru! I try to cover up the pile of garbage on my passenger-seat-floor with a t-shirt. She gives me my food and a weird look. I realize I had a creepy close-lipped smile on my face during the whole transaction.

* While standing in line to get into the really-fucking-sweet Insane Clown Posse show (at the Newport) I ask Butch's 15 year old friend Jimmy (who I went to Ozzfest with) whether or not he'd be creeped out if I was dating one of his class-mates (to get a feel for how inappropriate my thing for the cashier was). Everyone within ear shot (like 8 people) turned around. The consensus: pretty goddamned inappropriate!

* I go to McD's, see the girl (from 10 ft away) and decide she's probably 18 or 19. Conclude that having a crush on a 19 year old was far less exciting than having one on a 16 year old.

* While talking with a somewhat punk rock guy who visits Speedway often and hangs at McD's all the fucking time I find out the girl I love so much is both "fat" and 16.

* I'm sooo over her...at the moment.

Awwww jeyaa
I finally know what I'm looking for in life: a girl who likes to play board games. That would be so fucking cool.

BTW
I'm scraping by in school. I might've even failed my Math test today.