Nuts in Middle Earth by TRMJ and Elf+Nut
Disclaimer: LOTR was created by JRR Tolkien, and all the characters and names you recognize belong to him.
Debora and Claudia are just two internet girls having some fun with their favorite characters. Not copyright infringement was intended. This was made just for fun. And yes, we ARE nuts, so don't bother emailing us just to tell us that.
:)
Debora (Brazilian Nut) and Claudia (ElfNut)
-------------------- Chapter 1 --------------------
Debora had finally convinced her mother to give her some money to go visit Claudia. It was for a very good reason after all: watching Episode II three weeks before it FINALLY arrived at her country.
When she arrived at the airport, Claudia and Hugo were waiting for her, and when Debora gave him the 'SKANK' CDs he was waiting for, they were able to gush over their favorite subjects: Star Wars and LOTR men and elves.
They spent the whole afternoon talking, from the moment they left the airport in Claudia's car to the moment they got home.
And when they finally went to the movie theater to buy the tickets (in Bolivia there are no early tickets selling) all the tickets were already sold out.
"Oh, NO, I can't believe it! We won't be able to watch Episode II! This is NOT FAIR! Why, WHY are they doing this to ME??" Debora started to say, dramatically as ever.
Claudia looked unsure of what to say, "Don't worry, we can try and watch the movie tomorrow...," but Debora wasn't listening.
She was banging her head on the wall, and saying, "I want to see R2D2! I want to see Palpatine! I want to see lightsaber fights, AND I WANT TO SEE EWAN MCGREGOR!!!"
At this, a man wearing what looked like a Jedi's Cloak (at least to these two SW nuts) approached them and said, "You want tickets to see the movie? I was going to watch it with a friend of mine, but he was unable to get here, so I'm trying to sell our tickets."
Debora's mood immediately changed, "Really?? Oh, thank you SO MUCH!"
And she searched her bag for the money the theater was charging for the tickets.
"Here, take it," but the man nodded his head. "Do you really think I'm going to sell these at the price I paid for them? There are dozens of people here who also couldn't have bought tickets, and they would pay anything for those."
Debora's face fell. Her lower lip started to tremble.
Claudia sighed, "Okay, how much do you want for them?" The guy told them a figure three times the tickets price. Claudia took out a twenty-dollar bill and said, "Is that enough, then?"
The guy readily accepted the money, and the girls happily entered the line already moving into the theater. When they got to the guy checking the tickets, he sneered to them.
"Nice try, girls, but you are not going to enter." He eyed them up and down, wondering about the leather clothes and aluminum canes they were wearing.
Claudia put on her really serious face and looked at the guy who didn’t let them enter the theater. "What do you mean?"
The guy made a sign to the police officers helping with the mob at theentrance of the theater. The police took them out of the line and explained.
"Ladies, this tickets are forged, you have been robbed."
Debora couldn’t believe it. "But...but...I WANT TO SEE EWAN!!!" Deb was desperate.
Claudia looked at Deb and felt like crying, but she thanked the police officers and dragged Deb out of there, to avoid being taken under police custody.
Debora was outraged, and Claudia tried to soothe her, promising that they would see the movie the next day. Then she had the most brilliant idea,
"Come on Gondor Girl! How about watching Lord of the Rings again and drooling over Gondor Boy?"
Debora instantly forgot about Ewan. "Oooh, Boromir," and went drooling for him after Claudia. So they took a cab and went to a tiny theater in the other side of the city, where they were still showing Lord of the Rings.
"Did you know he is going to appear in the next LOTR movie in flashback scenes? Ooh, I wish he played Remus Lupin in the next Harry Potter movie...I know I said before that I wanted Ewan to play Lupin, but now I want Ewan to play Bill Weasley, and..."
Claudia marveled at Debora's ability to ramble. But after all, they were very alike in their rambling tendencies, and Claudia was happy to have saved the day so far. They bought the tickets and entered the almost empty movie theater.
They sat as close to the movie screen as possible without craning their necks (too much), and continued to ramble on. This time, their talked centered more on LOTR. The lights turned off. The screen started to shimmer with light, and the first trailer appeared. It was the last Episode II trailer.
Debora started to wail like a little baby would do when deprived of their favorite toy. "I want to see it!!!"
Claudia chuckled. "Soon, my young apprentice."
Debora snickered at Claudia's SW joke.
Soon, Galadriel's voice boomed in their ears, and while Debora jumped up and down in delight, Claudia hooted. "YAY! Elves RULE!!!"
Debora looked at Claudia and said, a smile on her lips.
"Nah, elves don't rule. Gondor men, on the other hand..." Claudia looked at her with a murderous look in her eyes. Debora raised her arms in defense.
"Okay, I was just kidding. Both elves and Gondor men rule."
The few people in the theater tried to shush them, but they were oblivious to them.
Galadriel's tale of The One Ring ended, and Frodo appeared on screen.
Debora started once again. "Do you remember him in that movie with Macaulay Caulkin? He was so cute! But in that last movie, 'The Faculty', he looked so...weird."
Claudia answered, "Well, he was in his teenager years...Teenager boys never look good. But he has lovely blue eyes."
Debora laughed, "You only like his blue eyes because 'Leggy'," she said in a sarcastic voice, "has blue eyes as well."
"That is NOT true," Claudia sounded hurt.
"Okay, I was just kidding with you, let's watch the movie." They had bought a huge bag of popcorn and soda and candies and were commenting every scene of the movie.
"Aren't the hobbits cute?" commented Claudia.
Debora was in a rave about Boromir, though, "How many minutes until Boromir appears? Can’t they show him before? Maybe a tiny bit of Gondor as an extra footing or so?"
"Poor Bilbo... I don’t like fireworks," said Claudia, who was actually paying attention to the movie.
"Oooh, I LOVE BILBO! I can't stand Frodo, but I LOVE Bilbo! Blame it on `The Hobbit'; I loved that book!" Debora rambled on.
The other people on the theater had already given up on shushing the nuts in front of the screen.
Debora just couldn’t stop." And there IS a scene where he appears but nobody notices!! When Frodo is at Rivendell, we see a footage from afar, and there is a knight walking on the side of the screen, and I can BET it's him!"
And so they continued to ramble on...until the scene where Gandalf is reading parchments about The One Ring legend. "See, we could have seen Bor..."
Debora was saying before falling into silence; the old wizard had looked up as if he was looking out of the screen directly to the theater audience. Debora felt as if he was watching THEM.
"Weird," Debora said, in an undertone. "I felt like Gandalf was...LOOKING at us."
Claudia moved uncomfortably on her chair. "Yeah, me too."
They stayed in silence for a few seconds, but were soon babbling again.
"I just can't STAND Frodo! He is so...silly. Bilbo was MUCH braver and cool in `The Hobbit!'"
Claudia shook her head. "Debora, Frodo has to carry The One Ring. That's a load heavy enough for him to carry."
"Well," Debora started uncertainly, "Bilbo was also carrying The One Ring in 'The Hobbit'..."
At which Claudia answered, "Yes, but Sauron wasn't calling for The One Ring, and he didn't have the Ringwraiths after him."
Debora fell silent for a moment. Claudia was right. Both were still for a couple of minutes before they started rambling yet again.
Claudia, showing off, started, " Well in this part, in the book, they already meet a patrol of elves before reaching Bree, did you know that? And in the book Frodo isn’t saved by Arwen but by Glorfindel..."
Debora didn’t remember that but commented, " I think Liv Tyler as Arwen looks very nice. It's a good thing she didn’t have to play any scene with Boromir though. And Glorfindel must be a secondary character. I'd have remembered him otherwise. This just shows that even though Peter Jackson changed more of LOTR to put it onscreen than Chris Columbus did with Harry Potter, he did a MUCH better movie than Chris."
Onscreen, Gandalf was already engaged in battle with Saruman in Isengard when Claudia had, again, the feeling that he was looking at them, sitting there in the theater, for a fleeting moment.
"This is ridiculous, I have seen this movie so many times I am starting to imagine things ..." she said to Debora.
Debora felt weary. "Yeah I think so too...but WHY are we BOTH having the feeling that Gandalf is looking at us?"
"Debora, dear, we are NUTS, remember? So just forget it and enjoy.... it´s about three more minutes to the arrival of Boromir to Rivendell..." said Claudia
"Yep, I know" Debora said, a glint in her eyes.
"And there is a much better angle of Boromir then from Legolas at the arrival," sighed Claudia, giving in to the nervousness of seeing Elfyboy on screen again... Debora squealed.
"Do you see that knight at the corner of the screen? It's him, it's HIM!!!"
"How can you be so sure?"
"See the shield? It's Boromir's shield!" But the scene was gone." Well, at least I think it's his shield..."
"And his horn?" said Claudia with a wink.
Debora blushed. "Yeah, that too."
Then came the arrival scene, a couple of glorious seconds in which Debora and Claudia were busy drooling her heads away ... and the rest of the theater was thankful for the few seconds of silence.
After that both started rambling again, commenting the arrival scene this time. "That was SO COOL! Can't wait to get to the actual Council!" squealed Debora.
"And did you see his beautiful ears?" sighed Claudia.
At this time, Gandalf appeared once more onscreen and Debora thought she could see a hint of a smile on his eyes.
"Huh? Sorry, Claudia, I didn't hear you..."
"And his hands, and arms, and face, and eyes, and legs, and clothes, and bow, and ...." Claudia continued rambling.
Debora laughed. "Chill out, girl! Elves are not even real, you know." Claudia looked at Debora with her eyes filled with tears.
"Okay, I was joking, only JOKING..." Claudia ate some M&Ms and said, "What do you think Deb, is there something like a dark foreboding in Boromir's expression?"
"Well, not a 'dark foreboding'... He is just worried about the future of his people! You wouldn't have a very cheerful face if it was you on his place."
After a while, the scene they had been waiting for arrived. The Council of Elrond began.
"Oh, God, I wish Boromir had never put his eyes on The One Ring..."
"And I wish Legolas wouldn’t be such a sad elf ..."
"Well, he is old," at this, Claudia looked at Debora with slit-closed eyes, "Not that he looks it, of course, but he doesn't look sad...Just worried...It comes with maturity, I guess."
Claudia wasn’t satisfied by that.”By the way, Boromir sure needs a shower, dear!"
"Well, a long journey does that to you... Just look at Aragorn!"
They fell silent again, during the council scene, since it was the scene where both Boromir and Legolas stood in the spotlight. They didn’t even bother to conceal their drooling. When the fellowship was already leaving Rivendell, they started again.
"Legolas stood up to Boromir …. He seemed kind of, well, not very sympathetic in that scene, don't you think, Deb?"
"Who? Legolas?"
"You kidding? Legolas was regal and proud and great and he stood up for Aragorn and Boromir was sooo ..."
"He also offered to help Frodo!" Debora said, a bit too forcefully.
"Come on Deb, he wasn’t the nice boy on the block in that scene, admit it!!!"
"It was the RING! It wasn't him! Besides, he only wants to help his people. They have suffered for many generations because of Sauron, and he just thought they could use the Ring to their advantage!" Debora was almost out of her seat.
The last people in the theater gave up and left the two nuts alone watching the movie. They were so engrossed in their bantering, that they didn't notice, this time, that Gandalf was really looking at them from the screen. With a very wicked smile on his lips.
Suddenly, Debora started to feel light-headed. She also noticed that Claudia seemed to be...shimmering?
Claudia frowned at Debora's fading form. "What is going on?"
Then, suddenly, there was a blast and they couldn't see a thing besides a very bright light around them.
Next thing they knew, they were falling through the sky. And directly in the middle of the fellowship on their way to the pass of Caradhras. Claudia fell deeply into the snow.
Meanwhile, Boromir, who had had just seen a gold glint in the snow, stepped towards it, when suddenly he was knocked to the ground by something before he could have reached the ring. Or rather, someone.
"Where are we?" Claudia managed to ask.
Debora, however, was unable to answer.
Claudia looked around, registering the snow, the mountains and the people around them. "Deb, we are not in La Paz anymore."
Debora still didn't answer. She was too busy. She was actually straddling Boromir, man of Gondor!
"I didn't know women fell from the sky, but I'm not about to complain with such a beautiful one in my lap," Boromir said, a wicked smile on his lips. "So, are you going to get off me or are you just getting comfortable?"
Debora still couldn't quite believe what had happened...what WAS HAPPENING! She opened her mouth, and closed it again, unable to form any coherent thought.
Boromir frowned. "Are you okay, milady?"
Debora was finally able to say something. "Hi."
So Claudia was left to figure out the situation and explanations. She tried to stand up, and stumbled in the snow. She tried again and stood up to see in the distrusting eyes of Aragorn.
She didn’t know what to say except. "Good day, we come in peace."
The Fellowship gathered around the strange looking females who had fallen from the sky. Gandalf stood in the background, smiling.
Aragorn put Frodo behind him. He still didn’t know what to think about the strange creatures.
Claudia tried to gather her thoughts, but wasn’t able to, when she saw Legolas in flesh and blood in front of her for the first time in her life. She was rendered speechless.
After staring into Boromir's blue eyes, Debora really realized for the first time that she was no longer in a movie theater, drooling at Boromir in the screen. She was actually drooling ON HIM! She blushed, and quickly got up, mumbling, "Sor...sorry. We didn't mean to...to..."
Boromir got up, looking at the red-haired female who had fallen on him. She was wearing a leather outfit, which really fit into her body curves. At her hip, he could see what looked like a piece of iron, but it was somewhat brighter.
He couldn't help but smile to her, seeing how confused she seemed to be, and her cheeks were rather pink. "Don't worry. Are you hurt?"
When Boromir addressed her, Debora once again almost lost herself into his eyes, but she shook her head clear. "No, I'm not hurt. Are you ...?"
Boromir laughed out loud at this. "No, you don't weight too much. You didn't hurt me."
Debora's cheeks got even redder. "My name is Debora."
She looked at Claudia, her eyes glued to Legolas, who was looking curiously at her. "And her name is Claudia."
**********
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