Quotes

Here's a great quote for your enjoyment:

Life

"Why do I always have these weird people in my universe?" - Kevin

"As the great German philosopher Fred Neitche once said 'That which does not kill us is going to wish it had because we're about to Fed Ex it's sorry [butt] back to skank central where it came from ... or something like that" - She Gets What She Wants

"Theater, like life, is a communal event. We need to work together, listen to each other and keep an open mind. Know where you want to go, but know that there are many ways to get there and remember, no matter how well rehearsed the play is, be ready to ad-lib. That's life/theater."- Richard Raether, former Artistic Director of New American Theater

"Now that I'm a Pez and a Lego, I don't really want for anything more" - Jeremy Bulloch (played Boba Fett in Star Wars)

“Internalizing adversity is no good. How else do the llamas know that we hate them if we do not drive by them and curse at them?” – Kevin

“I suppose it’s all the work of the ticking crocodile, isn’t it? Time is chasing after all of us.” – Finding Neverland

"Actually, I just thought it was cool that there were people in this world who would give you the prize out of their cracker jack box." - Dawson's Creek

"I have a corn on the cob of happiness" - Drew Barrymore in My Date With Drew

"When the heck did we get old?" "You know, Ben. I don't mind. I mean, if my muscles ache, it's because I've used them. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now because I walked up them steps every night to lay next to a man that loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've laid under thousands of skies on sunny days. I look and feel this way, well, because I drank and I smoked, I lived and I loved, and danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty damned good life, if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad, Ben. Getting old, that's earned." - The Guardian

"I swear, if you Pollyanna out on me today, I"m going to have to hit you with this rice pudding." - Sex in the City

"So I take pleasure in the details...a quarter pounder with cheese...those are good, the sky about 10 minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laugh becomes a cackle. And I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own mountain." - Reality Bites

"My college experience wasn't what I had planned. It bore no resemblance to the pictures in the brochure. But I'm not unhappy...I don't think any of us are. We got what we needed out of it. It's kinda like when you go on vacation. You plan everything out, but then one day, you make a wrong turn or take a detour and you end up in some crazy place you can't find on a map doing something you never thought you'd do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening but later you realize it was the best part of the trip." - Threesome

"College shouldn't be about mapping out the rest of your life. It's where you figure out you don't need to." - Learning Curves

""Computers aren't mystical, perfect machines. You just have to take the steps to prevent being traumatized." - Kent Norman, creator of a website dedicated to computer rage. Check it out at http://www.lap.umd.edu/computer_rage.

"If life were a truck would it be better to be run over or passed over?" "Do I get to drive the truck?" - To Guillan on Her 37th Birthday

"Always play with their minds!" - Empire Records

"I am floundering in a sea of information" - Jane from work

“You showed us we can change things by simply believing them to be different.” “A lot of things, Sylvia, not everything.” “But the things that matter.” – Finding Neverland

"I'm looking for a dare to be great situation." - Say Anything

"Lloyd is a warrior for optimism...Optimism is a revolutionary act." - Director of Say Anything

"Behind all the joy and all the tears lie the memories that haunt us and the truth that sets us free." - Prince of Tides

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller Day Off

"There is fate, but it only takes you so far because, once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen" - The angel stripper in Can't Hardly Wait

"I do think there is such a thing as fate...it just works in really [screwed] up ways sometimes." - Can't Hardly Wait

"I think I'm going to be in denial." "Oh honey, I got there often...it's my favorite place." Sping Fling (bad movie, good line)

"The whole world is wild at heart and weird on top" Wild at Heart

"The world is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death" Auntie Mame

"You only die once." - Ally McBeal

"Just remember, when you're with me you're not the strangest person in the room. Go ahead, get weird on me!" - Ally McBeal

"My roommate says when [Prozac] comes out in jelly form, she's going to smear it on my crackers." - Ally McBeal

"Sometimes you can love somebody in a day." - Ally McBeal

"The things we regret the most are the things we didn't do." - Ally McBeal

"If you think back, and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it wasted." - Ally McBeal

"Problem is just a bleak word for challenge." - Fish

"Greg, nobody likes to be sad. That's why there are drugs, alcohol, ... pudding." "Pudding?" "You try crying when you eat pudding...I dare 'ya!" - Dharma and Greg

"That's it...all votes are in...life is now officially unfair" - Return of Jafar

"My only job in life is to be who I am." - Judging Amy

"Sometimes on the way to your dream, you get lost and find a better one." - Just Shoot Me

"I'm not scared really...just totally disfunctionally flipped out!" - Borders commerical

"I don't tend to worry about the things that other people say and I am learning that I wouldn't want it any other way. Call me crazy, it really doesn't matter" - Barenaked Ladies

"Ever since the caveman days, we've had mud flung into our faces. We've had our egos bruised, our backs stabbed and our hearts broken. Although we are undoubtedly changed and shaped by these experiences, most of us get up, put on a brave face and continue on our journey. What is it that motivates us to keep going and not give up? Fo me, the joys that life has to offer are worth the effort." - Kevin Hearn (band member of Barenaked Ladies)

"...an element of reflection on a life experience, a little stroll through the rough part of the memory lane district." - Kevin Hearn

"Newsflash! Life isn't like it is in the movies. You're not a firefighter because you always dreamed of being a firefighter and you worked all your life to become a firefighter and now you'll go to your grave happy, never doubting that you are Destiny's Firefighter. You're a firefighter because somehow you got a bug up your ass, and the bug didn't say anything about being a dentist. Trust me, some day a bigger bug could crawl up there and wham, you'll be a musician...If you hate your life and you've recently discovered a startling new breed of insect in your rectum, quit your job and do something else." - Tony from The Good

"There is room for everybody on the planet to be creative and conscious if you're your own person." - Tori Amos

"My work doesn't relate to the masses. My work is really for the elite. And when I say elite, I mean the mental elite... if you don't think, and you have no wit, and you have so many hangups that you can't look beyond your cup of coffee, then you're never going to understand what I'm really saying. Because you know what? You're going to shut down and close off before you hear me. If I'm threatening you, you're going to see it the way you need to see it so you can dismiss me." - Tori Amos speaks words of wisdom again

"Every day I fight a war against the mirror - can't take the person staring back at me." - Pink

"...we all have to fight to maintain our own unique style and taste in a world that would have us conform." - Ralph Lauren

"You can't play at life unless you live it. I'm not saying you have to suffer, but you can't play the blues eating home cooking and getting your clothes washed." - Carlos Santana

"Just try to nudge the world, a little bit at a time." - a friend of Diane Sawyer's

"...take the road ahead and love the ride." - Diane Sawyer

"Friends are like television. Some are like PBS and always asking for money, others are like the news with sad tales to tell every day, some are like that one station with the foreign language, you don't understand a word of it but you watch and listen anyway; and then there are the ones like commercials: always changing, ever so annoying and only seem to be there when you're bored, but every once in a while you meet someone who's like a really good movie of the week or a tv show you hardly ever get to see anymore because you're so busy. My point is: hold on to the friends that you care about and since we don't have a remote control to mute someone or just change the channel, pick your friends carefully." - unknown

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." - unknown

"I think you're the only person in the world with scissors and glue" - Marc-Anthony, "Here, There Be Dragons"

Love

“I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?” “Who, the white night?” “That only happens in fairy tails.” “My hair hurts.” … “Did you ever think that maybe we’re the white nights and we’re the ones that have to save ourselves?” – Sex and the City

“You grow up. You’re an adult, right. And you think you have all this worldly experience. Point A. You think your personality is formed and then you think you’re complete. But then you meet somebody, you start feeling new things and you start feeling excruciatingly painful things. You get confused, right. Um, you get nauseous, and I think when you get really nauseous, like that, it’s like the completion of self. Um, the person who can fill the final void.” – Must Love Dogs

“You mustn’t mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinosaurus but I’ve got quite a thin skin really. So just be a bit careful with me or I’ll flatten you.” – Circle of Friends

"That thing, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that person is the only person you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment, you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry because you feel so lucky that you've found it and so scare that it'll go away at the same time." - Never Been Kissed

"I believe that men have a genetic predisposition to want to plant their seed in many women, and women are better genetically suited for monogamy. If women appreciated this difference instead of disputing it in a misguided equating of sameness with equality, women would no longer think of men in general as pigs and would come to appreciate the extra efforts they make for their monogamous relationships." - Devin from The Good

"She's like finding an onion ring in your french fries. She's like opening a box of cereal and finding the toy, right on top. She's like poping bubblewrap... And I'd like to date her, but she already has a girlfriend." - Throwing Toasters

"That's the thing about women, they're all lovely and sweet and funny right up to the point when they reveal themselves as utter monsters. I'm sure there are exceptions, just no documented cases yet. That's why I try to date monsters. It allows me to make an informed choice, should I decide to get married" - Ally McBeal

"Everybody speaks the same language when they're doing the horizontal polka" - my friend Karla

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." - Say Anything

"Do I love you because you're beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you?" - Cinderella

"You are the epitome of everything I look for in a human being." - Chasing Amy

"I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are." - Chasing Amy

"I've loved you all my life, even before we met. Part of it wasn't even you, it was just a promise of you." - The Firm

"Honey, Sugar, Pumkin, Honeybuns, Sweetcakes..." "Stop calling me food!" - To Guillan on Her 37th Birthday

"I'm just trying to invent a reason to be in a room with you." - Ally McBeal

"The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of it's people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win." - Ally McBeal

"I'm scared I'm going to end up alone. I'm scared I'm always going to be someones friend or "sister" or confidant, never quite someone's everything." - Dawsons Creek

"Honey, I love you, but bite me" - Dharma and Greg

"I think I need to believe that it works ... love, couplehood, partnerships. The idea that when people come together they stay together...I have to take that with me to bed every night, even if I'm going to bed alone." - Ally McBeal

You've had plenty of dips in the love pool. I'm still in the cabana trying out floaties." - Will and Grace

"The truth is, the conversation struggled for awhile. We both liked movies, but different ones. We both liked sports, but different ones. We both were afraid of George Bush, but different ones." - Ally McBeal

"I thought I found my knight in shining armor, but it turns out he was just a loser in tin foil" - unknown

"You said you'd hold me until you died...well, you're still alive" - Alanis M.

"So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. What's so amazing about really deep thoughts? Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon...how's that thought for you?" - Tori Amos

Entertainment

"You gotta understand something here. This music is the glue of the world...it holds it all together. Without this, life would be meaningless." - Empire Records

"But if you enjoy giong to the movies to be swept up by romance, the film should at least have the fundamental decency to make sense." - Christy Lemire of The Associate Press

"The 'Reed' Fellowship winner watches George of the Jungle - that gives me hope." - deleted scene from Say Anything

"When you saw Kevin Spacey you tried to get back those nine bucks you paid for 'K-Pax'. I believe your exact words were: 'hey Spacey, pay it forward.' " - Will and Grace

"Selling your bootlegs is illegal and if we catch you selling your bootlegs, if you have a first born, we will steal your first born...[and] first born are always good eatin'." - Steve from Barenaked Ladies

"Dull Songstress Celine Dion should apologise: for... Look, if you're the kind of person who needs me to tell them what's wrong with Celine Dion then JUST GET THE H*** OFF MY SITE." - Mil from England. Check out his apologies page here and his "Things my girlfriend and I have argued about", one of the funiest pages in existance, here.

"It's hard to believe there are people in America who don't have a television in their homes. It shocked us to learn that a whopping 1.7% of the American population deprives themselves of mankind's greatest innovation since the combustion engine. And the mere thought that one person could be living without the joy and gratification that comes from television has left us a bit, well, unsettled. We at ABC are determined to convert the unconverted, to bring those joyless 1.7% into the fold, so that no American will be left unfulfilled and un-entertained." - ABC on the back of a TV Guide.

Children

“Young boys should never be sent to bed. They always wake up a day older and then before you know it, they’re grown.” - Finding Neverland

"We made the deal when I was 7 1/2...night life was the Muppett Show!" - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

"A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of bank account you had, or what kind of house. But the world will be a better place because you have made a difference in the life of a child." - Unknown

"Children make up 20% of our population and 100% of our future." - Unknown

"The words I am searching for...I can't say because there are preschool toys present." - Toy Story

"Here, hold onto this while you sleep. And if you wake up and your scared, you say to yourself, 'Wait a minute. I'm holding Eric's shoe. Why would I be holding on to some smelly basketball shoe a trillion light years from Earth? I must be here on Earth, in my sleeping bag, and Eric must be close by." - The Cure

Misc

Strange

"In France, 'Hot Hot Hot' means 'I lick the goats.'" - Steve from Barenaked Ladies

"C'mon, yeah! Call in the java truck! Bring it on by! We're doing it! We're making art! Yeah!" - Ethan Embry

"Come on big guy, drive your coffee table to Idaho! ... Whew, nectrine time! Comb your frog!" - Dharma and Greg

"You have the gums of a God" - commercial

"Bird in the bathroom...good luck all day. Woo!" - Dharma and Greg

"Forget about it Al...someday the sledgehammer of justice will fall upon his big toe." - Weird Al Show

"Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!" - Spaceballs

"Your helmet does that woosh thing!" - Toy Story

"My house is on fire - I need a nun." - Sammy

"Sometimes you just gotta feel a bill between your [butt]cheeks!" - James N

"Are you allergic to croutons?" - Waitress at Chilis

"What are you looking at...you blue-blocker wearing poo-poo head?" - Jan

"You really should get another hobby other than outing robots." - Will and Grace

Fun

"I came inside and I was all wet. My wife asked 'Is it raining out' 'Nope, decided to take the fish for a walk. Here's your sign.'" - Bill Engvall

We gotta put our heads together. If you put our heads together, you'll hear a hollow noise." - Scoop (from Woody Allen)

"Luke, stay away from the darker side and if you start to go astray, let the force be your guide. Oh, my Yoda." - Weird Al (second row!)

"I swear to you on the script of Doppelgängland - with its first introduction of Vamp Willow - that I have never had relations with any kind of seasoning, nor do I have even the smallest leanings in that direction. " - another quote from Mil from England

"[N]ow you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." - Spaceballs

"We've been given our parts in the nativity play and I'm the lobster...first lobster." "There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?" "Duh!" - Love Actually

"Mary Poppins got the same message across, but she did it in a nice little musical number. You're like... you're like a spoonful of whoop-[behind]." - Will and Grace

"Pygmies?" "Worse, Disco." - Ally McBeal

"Today I'm handing out lollipops and [behind]-whoopins and right now, I'm all out of lollipops. " - Will and Grace

"You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity." - Toy Story

"Oh f**k wank bugger s**ting a** head in the hole. Start again." Love Actually

"But bubble gum helps me think." "Honey, you're wasting your gum" - Birdcage

"Well, slap me later!" - Jeanette (the Denny's waitress)

"It's not like I said Yoda was blue or something!" - Jenny-Jen-Jen

"This boy is so...I have two words for you...Yum and Yum!" - Jenny-Pooh

"Sometimes I wonder... If Eskimos use microwaves, If Michael Jackson ever shaves, What bowling balls are made of, What happened to OJ's other glove, If dolphins ever cry, If Michael Eisner's a truly happy guy, About the purpose of birthmarks, Home come twisters only hit trailer parks, Why was the movie Congo ever made, How come you never see a brand new ice cream truck, Why are Renaissance Faires so popular and what can be done to prevent that, How I made it through college so soon, How many laws could I break with just a spoon, About barbecue tongs, If anyone's listening to my songs." - "Sometimes I Wonder" by Throwing Toasters

Make Ya Think

"When I eat Jello I feel better, don't ask me to reduce it to a science." - Ally McBeal

""Red, for instance, is not only the color of blood, but also of clowns' noses." - Steve from Barenaked Ladies

"He went on a midnight run with liquid courage." - COPS

"You are like Santa Clause on prozac at Disneyland getting laid" - Friends

"She's two thirds of a Rice Krispie, she's already snapped and crackled, and she's close to the final pop." - Ally McBeal

"So how does it feel to stand under a Mercedese Benz?" "About the same as it does to stand under a Ford." - Some Kind of Wonderful

"I knew this would all end in the nut house!" - Arsenic and Old Lace

"She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage." - Will and Grace

"YOU MUST CHILL!" - Say Anything

"It's like a dress from a bad Abba movie." - Dana

"I come in peace. Buzz Lightyearism." - Ally McBeal

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