In the years (nay! decades!) that have passed since then, I've been married
three times, divorced twice (with the third pending). I've 'purged' (thrown out all my collections
of feminine attire) four times. I'm currently happily almost divorced, with a passel of kids (two of each gender, plus one foster-type
of type male). All of the kids know about Marianne, and they're mostly just fine with it.
In a lot of ways being Marianne is an escape for me. I'm not totally happy
with the way in which modern western society forces gender-specific roles
upon people. Even when I'm not Marianne, I'm sensitive and caring, I cry
when watching a good 'weepie' movie. I don't believe in assigning specific
tasks to people based upon their gender, neither do I believe that there
should be any difference in rights, salary, opportunities, privileges and
so on based purely upon gender.
I don't become Marianne as often as I would like, maybe once or twice a week, and
then only for brief moments. (The opportunity simply isn't there often.)
I don't need to dress up to be Marianne either, she's always there, always
a part of me. (Call it what you will, getting in touch with my 'feminine'
side, balancing my yin and yang etc.) I don't consider this as being schizoid,
merely an expression of my inner feelings. As I'm writing this, it's partly
as me, partly as Marianne. (After all, they're one and the same, and interchangeable.)
However, I do feel the need to let the outward view reflect the inner view,
and that, more than anything else, is why I cross-dress. There's also a
sexual side to it. As me, I don't feel that anyone ever looks at me and
finds me sexually attractive, as Marianne, I can feel very differently.
(Only my wife has ever seen Marianne, and I can comfortably ignore the
fact that she would find me sexually attractive regardless of what I wore,
or didn't wear.)
Unlike the previous two marriages, I went into this last one having told her
ahead of time. It lasted just over a decade, but now it's over and she's moved on (and moved in her much younger b/f)
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