Now that i am back home i am starting to realize how close this surgery is! I think it is 8 days until i go under the knife! Wow, how fast has this journey gone! I am amazed that i am not freaking out yet. I know that when i am lying in that hospital room and they are coming in to give me the drugs.. i will be freaking out and crying...but i am still calm now. I guess it is the realization that i know this is something i HAVE To do for myself. I just do not know of any other real option. Every day i am reminded of how big i am and how i cannot do things others can easily. I just want to get to the point where i feel good again.
On a side note, it turns out that my college choir will be coming to NY this summer to sing at Carnegie Hall. They will be singing a piece by the director David Brunner. I sang that piece with them two summers ago in England when it was debuted at the Canterbury Cathedral and at Queen Elizabeth hall. My good freind Kirstin mentioned to me last night that she had asked Dr. Brunner if alumni could sing with them, say Marni for example (since i live here..lol) and he said he would have to check. She then said what i think is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me and the comment she made made me cry. I had mentioned that i might look quite a bit different when that event rolls around and it would be great fun showing all the know-it-alls how different i look! She asked me how much my surgery was, and i told her...$6,500. She then said, "here's a new master card commercial...Surgery... $6500, Trip to Carnagie Hall... $900, Dress... $75, Look on everyone's face when Marni outshines princess S.(name withheld to protect the not-so-innocent)....PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!! There are somethings money can't buy (And that should be viseotaped), for everything else, there is Mastercard". This is truly the sweetest thing i can remember anyone saying to me in a long time if not forever. What a wonderful thing to say. I love you Kirstin.
Sept. 4, 2002-
Well, todays the day...the plane to San Antonio leaves around 6 and then off to the hospital in Acuna early tomorrow morning. Its really weird saying that...surgery is tomorrow. I have been so confident throughout this whole journey to the point where even the thought of surgery..which normally scares the hell out of me... isnt so bad. Now, a day before the big day..I am feeling kind of apprehensive and almost somewhat sad. I guess i will miss my comfort from food. I will have to work very hard in learning that food is just nourishment and not a comfort. I will always enjoy food, and if some therapist told me that they could help me change that i wouldnt want to. I know i will be eating much smaller portions but I still want to enjoy what i eat. Hopefully that will help me to stay away from the junk stuff that tastes bad anyway and eat good, healthy things...and protien first. I guess more of my fears lie after banding. The fear that this wont work, that I will be that one in a million that doesnt lose the weight, that i will start eating foods i never ate before and gain weight, that something will happen with the band like the tubing breaking or something...etc. I called Dr. Scmidt's office in Hackensack, NJ which is right near me and they said he will do fills for me. I am concerned about having someone in the states to follow my case...in case something happens...I want to know i will have medical support that KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING! I think the biggest problem right now with the band in America is that the doctors ans surgeons are still learning...and the people with the band are the guinea pigs. I want to feel safe and secure with my doctor. Well hopefully when it comes time for a fill i will like dr. Schmidt. I won't be able to access the computer for a few days so i will post my story when i come back. I hope to take lots of pictures and i will post them to the webpage.
Wish me luck!
Sept. 12, 2002-
Im finally updating my diary and following will be my account of my trip to San Antonio and Mexico and my surgery. I hope i dont forget anything.
Sept.4: My Mom and I left for San Antonio at around 6pm. I had tried to stay on liquids that day because I believed it would help with a shorter recovery. When we got to the airport and I smelled the Steak Escape fries, and all the other food court goodies, the hunger hit very hard. So I ate two bowls of sweet and sour soup from the chinese restaurant there. It had chunks of tofu in it but i figured that was ok. When we got on the plain, since i had been water loading and soup loading.. i had to Pee so badly it hurt. It felt like the time before the "fasten seat belt" sign would go off was endless. I finally just got up, muttered an apology to the flight attendant and went. Felt so much better. We watched spiderman on the plane. I usually dont watch the movies and Spiderman wasnt at the top of my Must-see list but i figured the distraction would be good. Then the "snack cart" came. I have found that on COntinental airlines.. a "snack flight" usually means a sandwich, and other yummy things. And this flight was no exception. The smell of the Barbecue sandwiches was so delicious and i couldnt help myself..i was starving. My mom just nodded as if to say "i understand" and i got the sandwich. It was so good, my mom was making faces like it wasnt that great and maybe it really wasnt but it tasted so good because i was so hungry. It came with a bag of baby carrots which i ate first..hoping that would fill me up... no luck. It also had a bag a fritos which i normally never eat but i ate those too..also were delicious. The only thing i gave to my mom was a chocolate. I felt sort of guilty but i figured in the long run it wouldnt really matter one little bit.
We landed in San Antonio around 9:30 thier time and deboarded. Its a small airport...actually tiny compared to the Newark airport we had just come from. Almost immediatelly, walking toward baggage claim I saw Barbara and another woman i presumed to be Janet. Barbara was holding up a bright constuction paper sign with MARNI written in big letters. I just thought that was so cute. They both greeted me warmly and I talked with them for a few minutes while we were waiting for bags. I was nervous as i always am when meeting new people but especially this time in this very different situation. Janet was very nice and down to earth and Barbara was very sweet and talkative, just as she had been on the phone to me. For some reason I had pictured Janet differently but when I met her she was just very nice. And just nervous like me.
