“SHIT!” Margaret had just woken up to see that she was half an hour late. She had scheduled a meeting with the nurses and was now in a hurry to get dressed.
“Well that’s an awful nice thing to say to someone first thing in the morning.” Trapper was positively cheery. He had his guy…and his girl all in one.
Hawkeye mumbled something in a foreign language…he was not a morning person to say the least.
“Morning sleepyhead.”
“What…is the war over?”
“Gee what got you in such a bad mood?”
“I’ve slept better on nails. What’s got you in such a rush?”
“Meeting, nurses, late, VERY late, pissed off because I can’t…find…my…damn…ah ha…there.” Margaret said crawling under her cot, looking for a shoe.
“Breakfast?”
“Yeah, Mags?”
“Later guys!” Margaret said, not hearing what they had said, giving each a kiss and running out.
It had been a month since the war began…almost 3 weeks since the trio had hooked up…so to speak. In that time they had been dealt a deluge of patients, paperwork and an impending visit from 2 generals. Both of which Margaret had run-ins with and wasn’t looking forward to seeing. It was damn lucky her father didn’t know what they tried or they would be lower than a private by now. Their main problem wasn’t wounded or practice bug-outs. It was Frank…being an asshole as usual. Margaret had threatened to deck him to his face one and on numerous occasions behind his back. In those three weeks the trio and Henry had become good friends, sharing many drinks, jokes and other discussions with one another.
No one had the slightest clue what the three were up to. They had so far managed to keep any close contact inside the tent, although the guys did sneak a kiss or two with Margaret on separate occasions – that was accepted.
Trapper handed a bewildered Hawkeye a martini and took one for himself.
“I had the weirdest dream last night.” “Go on.”
“That you and me and…Trapp…God…how much did we have to drink?”
“The whole still and 2 bottles of scotch.”
“I also have the faintest memory that we tried something different.”
“You could call it that,” Trapper said with a sparkle in his eyes. “Oh God we did?”
“MmmmHmmm…I think we christened it drink strip lick poker.” Hawkeye groaned. “Embarrassing…”
“Now I think that if Maggie knew you were that flexible before…”
“Don’t remind me…I’m gonna have a sore back for the next week!”
“Awww…poor baby!”
“Ah shuddup” was all Hawkeye could say, laying back down and closing his eyes.
“You’re really not the morning person are you?”
“You of all people should know that mornings were created purely for my suffering.”
“And not just because it’s the start of the day?”
“Nope…just my suffering.”
“So what do we have planned today Hawk?”
“What’s today?”
“Korea.”
“Oh right…a wholesome breakfast of cardboard, rocks with a splash of mud, a morning of aimless wandering…maybe even filling out paperwork. A hearty lunch of sludge, slime and brown water, 4 to 6 hours of Post Op with the most gorgeous girl ever, followed by a gourmet dinner of brown stuff, green stuff, purple stuff with orange liquid looking oddly a lot like orange juice and for dessert 5 glasses of mothers milk and half a bottle of scotch. Ending the day hopefully with no wounded…no Frank and LOTS of late night entertainment.”
“And whoever said War was hell?”
“Mmm…”
“Or we could just skip to the last part.”
“Send in the clowns!”
“Huh?”
“I said late night entertainment…we’re in the morning cartoons spot.”
“You…” Trapper jumped on Hawkeye…pinning him to the cot. “So you wanna play hard to get?”
“And what if I do?”
“Then…then I dunno.” Hawkeye burst out laughing…Trapper was for once confused as all hell. “You think that’s funny?”
“I don’t think anything…it’s too early in the morning.” Trapper was slightly disappointed and Hawkeye could see. “Plus we really don’t need an audience.” Trapper rolled off him with a sigh. “Hey…there’s always later.”
“Yeah…I got Post Op later.”
“Damn.” Hawkeye said sarcastically.
“What?” Trapper was again confused…he did want this right?
“Who does the rostering?”
“I thought Henry…”
“Henry couldn’t roster a rooster…think again.”
“Frank?”
“Frank couldn’t even spell roster.”
“One of us?”
“I know I don’t…and if that problem of yours is anything to go by I’d say you don’t either.”
Trapper smiled. “Hey, can I help it if I’m lonely?”
“Lonely? With two incredible people living with you? And I didn’t see you exactly alone last night.” Hawkeye knew he was being a bit of a bastard…but it was only teasing and he WAS playing hard to get.
“Oh…so it’s like that huh?”
“Like what?” Hawkeye said, unsuccessfully trying to hold back a smile. “Like this.”
Trapper leaned forward and kissed him. Hawkeye wasn’t holding back and kissed back, putting his whole mouth into it. He brought his head down, running his hands through his hair, savouring every moment…forgetting that the door was unlocked and that any Tom, Dick or Harry could walk in and see them fooling around. Trapper brought his hands up his side, never parting from Hawkeye’s mouth.
“God I missed this,” Hawkeye whispered.
“Me too” Trapper whispers just as quietly and captures his mouth again.
“Geez get a room!” The two jump in fright – they’d been caught!
“Shit Margaret…you scared the hell out of me!”
“Well you’re damn lucky it was me. Lock…the…door next time.”
“Hey, what happened to the meeting?”
“Finished…I just wanted to check how things were going with them. It doesn’t take that long to say ‘How are you coping and come talk to me anytime’ you know.”
Trapper flopped onto Hawkeye’s cot and cracked up laughing.
“I’m glad someone finds this funny.”
“It’s not!” Trapper protested.
“Uh huh…so you’re laughing because you’re a lunatic then? Righto I’m sleeping with a child and a nutter…good choice Margaret.” “Would you rather sleep with a Ferret?”
“Oh you are SO gonna pay for that!” Margaret said before she jumped on pair, tackling them to the ground.
“Now do we call this abuse or foreplay?”
“As you know…there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.”
“THAT’S for sure!”
“Margaret? What do you think?”
The pair were deliberately riling her up…which was ever so fun.
“I think the EXTREMELY noticeable marks on my neck are proof enough. I’ve had terribly noticeable looks from the nurses and everyone really. They probably think I have leprosy or something.”
“Leprosy? We gave you a thorough physical last night”
“And the night before”
“And the night before that”
“And you most definitely do not have leprosy.”
“Anyway…it was proof of what?”
“Yeah, you were screaming so loud last night I couldn’t tell if you enjoyed it or were dying.”
“You could say both…took so damn long to…come to any conclusion.”
“It’s called foreplay.”
“It’s called putting your third party through unnecessary agony because you two love control.” Margaret leaped up and walked over to her table.
“And who was it that got us to ‘come out’ so to speak?”
“After being yelled at sure. Margaret the hero…that’s me!”
“You’re in an awfully chipper mood.”
“Chipper?” Trapper and Margaret both asked.
“Can I help it if my English heritage gets in the way?”
“English?”
“You’re Irish and Italian!”
”What English?”
Hawkeye just rolled his eyes, “You I’d expect it from, being an army brat”
“Hey!”
“But YOU? A fellow New Englander?”
“What about me a fellow New Englander?”
“New England was settled by…”
“Oh yeah.”
Margaret shook her head. “You two are one of a kind.”
“How does that make sense?”
“How should I know?” Margaret casually asked whilst gathering items from her part of the tent. “I’m just an army brat! In any case…you’re both as confusing as the other. Now I’m gonna take a cold shower – for both reasons you two are probably thinking…I suggest you make an appearance before someone finds you with your pants down…so to speak.”
“You have a dirty, dirty mind Houlihan!”
“Which is why I’m taking a cold shower…see you later boys!” Margaret said seductively as she left.
“She’s a cruel woman.”
“But she’s all ours”
“MmmmHmmm”
“Hey…is it just me or…I have the feeling that I’ve missed something.”
“Yeah…we didn’t get to finish what we started.”
“Aside from that…oh yeah! If it’s not any of the doctors…then who the hell does the rostering?”
“Oh that…gee I really have you stumped don’t I?”
“Hawk…PLEASE”
“And that sounds awfully familiar too.”
Trapper gave him a look of pure annoyance.
“This is really bugging you isn’t it?”
“No” Trapper said pouting. He then changed his game and looked up at Hawkeye from the cot with big, brown sad puppy-dog eyes.
“Don’t do that…please? It’s pure propaganda!”
Trapper didn’t move.
“Aw geez…how can I resist that look?”
“Don’t fight it…you’ve never been able to.”
“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Mags does it.”
“There…now that wasn’t so difficult was it?”
“GOD you two are such girls!” Margaret said sarcastically as she walked in.
“I thought you were gonna take a shower?”
“Forgot something.”
“Well if you wanted a scrubber you could have just asked.”
“Yeah…two are just lying around here with nothing to do.”
“Picking up dirt.”
“Oh…so aside from sleeping with a loony”
“and a child”
“You now sleep with dirt?”
“Where do you get all that energy?”
Margaret was a little shocked by Hawk’s statement. What exactly did he mean by it?
“By actually doing something around here rather than sitting on my ass doing bugger all!”
“Hey…it’s not our fault we’ve got nothing to do.”
“Well there is actually something…”
“I’m going…I’ll see you two later.”
“Margaret, wait!” Hawkeye sensed she was pissed at something…then again who wasn’t around there?
“What’s up?”
“I…I’ve just been a little edgy the past few days…with you know…the war?”
“Anything in particular?”
“Yeah…nothing to worry about though.”
“Come on, if something’s bothering you…”
“Believe me…you don’t wanna know.”
“Maggie…” Trapper warned.
“Let’s just say you two will be back to a one-person show for a while.”
“Enough said.” Hawkeye commented, holding his hand up in protest.
“Right…as I said I’ll see you later.”
“Any chance of a night in?” Trapper asked eagerly.
“We’ll see…I’m not the only one who needs a cold shower around here.” She muttered, walking out.
“I HEARD THAT!” yelled Hawkeye, with Margaret laughing.
“We may as well go see what Major disaster’s doing in Post Op”
“Yeah…see if Henry needs any bottles emptied.”
“You read my mind!”
“After you”
“As it should be”
“And why should it?” protested Trapper.
“I’m older”
“By 2 months!”
The pair continued to debate about the important subjects – whether the sky was really blue or if it was a shade off green, if it would rain cats or dogs, whether gin was a spirit or a category all of its own…topics that were of great importance, a great necessity to society.
True to her word, Margaret finally did get her shower and true to their word, the boys did something besides playing doctor…well…with each other. That something was wounded.
Whilst sitting in Henry’s office discussing the latest technique on…something ‘medical’ came the familiar sound of Radar: “Choppers sirs!”
“We had choppers yesterday!”
“And tomorrow.”
“And the day after that!”
“Where have you two been…I don’t even have to ask…I can smell it.”
“It was just the one.”
“Alright then…a test.”
“A what?”
“What for?”
“To see if you’re drunk or not!”
“We’re not!”
“How many fingers am I holding up?” Margaret asked, knowing it was a pointless exercise but the last bit of fun before operating.
“Ahhh…6” Trapper said with a hand over his eyes.
“I lost my sense of sight…” Hawkeye said taking her hand in his mouth, sucking gently.
“HAWK-EYE!” Margaret said giggling.
Trapper stood over the sink scrubbing and laughing.
“Mmm…you taste good.” He said with a smile.
“You can say that for sure!” Trapper added.
“SHHH! We don’t want the whole camp knowing!” Margaret said trying to hold back a smile.
“Let me remind you who was the one who said they couldn’t go back to a one-man show?”
“Oh would you…I don’t seem to remember.”
“Hey, why am I always the one who gets ganged up on?”
“Because your reproductive organs are on the inside.”
“Nice touch”
“I thought so.”
“And I thought I was the dirty minded one here.” Margaret muttered.
“SHHH! We don’t want the whole camp knowing!” Hawkeye said mimicking her tone. Margaret threw a towel at him while giving a few choice words.
Unfortunately someone had been listening, and that someone was devious and cruel enough to let it be known to the camp and a few people in power.
“Ah Frank, finally decided to show up.”
“Unlike you three I’ve been putting myself to good use…”
“You took up juggling?” asked Trapper, Margaret giving a laugh.
“Ha ha…you three better watch yourselves or something bad might happen.”
“Are you serious Major?” asked Margaret, refusing to call him by his first name.
“Dead serious.”
“Frank…stick a feather in it and go walk into a minefield.” Hawkeye said, drying his hands.
Frank just stood gob smacked. “If General Washington could see this now!”
“He’d be pretty old.” Trapper said, the three cracking up in laughter. Frank stormed out…muttering he’d get them into trouble…ALL of them.
“You think he was serious about the something bad?” asked Margaret, a little concerned.
“What can he do?”
“Yeah…he has the brain size of a starfish…”
“Which is nothing at all!”
“Yeah, but the little he can do could have a big impact.” Margaret finished as the three all now sterile people entered the OR.
Many Hours Later…
“26 and I feel 10 years older…”
“HA…try 15”
“I’m a year younger than you and I feel 20 years older…” Margaret said yawning.
“Come one…let’s head to bed.”
“No…I’m too tired for that guys…”
“Come on Mags…lets get some sleep.”
“Mmm”
“You take her Hawk…I couldn’t lift a scalpel.”
“Hey good work guys.”
“Thanks Henry.”
“I see that’s one soldier down.” Referring to Margaret, sleeping in Hawkeye’s arms.
“Yeah…she ran a good ship.”
“All that paperwork on top.”
“You mind if I stop off for a nightcap? I ran out.”
“But I’m not gonna carry you.” Trapper said with a chuckle.
“Ha ha McIntyre.”
The three plus a slumbering Margaret dragged themselves over to the Swamp.
“Still no wall?” Henry observed.
“Yeah…no time or need really.” Trapper added whilst Hawkeye laid her down, removing her boots, scrubs, and outer layers of clothing leaving her in t-shirt and shorts.
“You’re a brave man Pierce…”
“Ah she’s not that bad. Just everyone’s adjusting you know.”
“You two more than others I see.”
“Huh?” asked Trapper.
“Yeah…you two guys instantly became good friends.”
“Henry, Trapp and I have known each other for years.”
“You have?”
“Yeah…met a college football game.”
“Who won?”
Trapper mumbled his reply.
”We did…I stole the last pass off him and scored the winning points.”
“And you’re still friends?”
“Oh yeah…rented an apartment in Boston for a while,” added Trapper.
“I thought you said you had kids Trapper?”
“Uh I do…just since me and Lou weren’t married It’d be best not to live together.” Trapper glared at Hawkeye with a worried look.
“What about you and Margaret, Hawkeye?”
“What about me and Mags?”
“I may be almost old enough to be your father but I do notice what goes on around here.”
“Uh…how much do you notice?” Trapper stupidly said. Hawkeye shot him an annoyed look.
“There’s obvious chemistry between you and her Pierce…and also you and her McIntyre. Now you can’t tell me there’s nothing going on with at least one of you.”
The two remained silent. Neither wanted to say something incase their stories clashed.
“Don’t you two ever stop going at it?” mumbled Margaret in her sleep. Hawk and Trapp’s eyes went wide. Henry just laughed.
“I don’t know how you two could put up with that.”
“She only talks when she’s really tired,” Hawkeye covered up.
“Look, I know there’s something going on…”
“Henry…” Trapper began.
“Look…I may act like I have no idea about what goes on here…in truth I don’t about most things. But whether it’s between either of you and her…or both of you and her…”
The two looked at each other, a look that Henry did not miss.
“Or if she’s involved at all,” he said clear out of the blue.
The pair turned and looked at him with a shocked expression.
“I think I see it now…” he started.
“Henry look…it’s not what you think.” Hawkeye said.
“Yeah we’re just…”
“Uh huh…and I’m Queen Victoria.” Henry cut him off. “Before I say anything I may regret…is what I think is happening…”
“What do you think Henry?” asked Trapper.
“That you two are playing doctor…”
“You got part of the story.” Hawkeye said. Trapper shot him a surprised look ‘you’re not…’ “We may as well Trapp…Henry. You’ve got to swear that this stays private…that we’re not going to be in any trouble for this?”
“Why would I get rid of the two finest surgeons I’ve ever seen over their preference of sex?” he asked.
“The thing is…none of us have a preference…” Trapper began.
“None of you…as in you and you and…her?” he asked somewhat surprised looking at Margaret. The pair nodded. “Wowee!” Henry said swallowing a mouthful of gin. “All…at once?” he asked.
“Henry!”
“It’s just…wow…you three…I mean…that’s not exactly heard of…”
“Which is exactly why we don’t want people to hear about it.”
“I shoulda guessed it.”
“Why d’you say that?” asked Trapper.
“I mean I’m your CO…”
“Not our clairvoyant…you think anyone else suspects anything?”
“Nah…even if they did…no one would care…except”
“A certain Major pain in the ass.”
“Have you tried for a replacement?”
“Numerous times. Ignoring all his attitude problems the man is a terrible surgeon.”
“What we need is for him to really screw up.”
“How many patients have we lost on account of him?”
“5…woulda been 8 if it weren’t for us.”
“Maybe a little military violation?” asked Trapper…concocting a plan.
“No…we can’t use Margaret…”
“Why not? He gets a little too eager, she belts him, court martial and no more Major disaster.”
“Whose to say the court will find in our favour?”
“Who here likes Frank? Plus whose daddy will personally have his Frank’s head?”
“Still…”
“Guys I’m working on it. Well I’m off…it’s like midnight.”
“One.”
“One and I gotta get some sleep…I’m not a kid like you three are.”
“HA!”
“Henry…promise nothing will leave this tent?”
“What is said in the tent stays in the tent…”
“Thanks Colonel.”
“Just keep it quiet…I know I heard something last night.” The two men went red “It was her” they both said.
Henry just laughed. “Night guys”
“Night Henry!”
“So what do you say to a little nightcap?”
“We just had a drink…”
“I wasn’t talking about the gin.”
“I know you weren’t” Hawkeye said with a grin.
Forgetting about the door, Frank, Henry and telling Margaret, the two ‘closed ranks’ for the night, the only sounds heard was their laboured breathing.
“Aw shit!” Margaret grumbled, grabbing something from her draws and stumbling out of the tent.
“Seems to be a common morning thing.” Trapper said.
“I think her feminine side caught up with her,” was all Hawkeye said, still half asleep.
“Huh?”
“Think about it Trapp…use your head…the one on your shoulders I mean.”
“Oh that!” Trapper registered.
“Yeah that…poor baby.”
“Maybe one of us can get her pregnant?”
“Great idea Trapp, get her sent home, living with who exactly and less defence for us against Major idiot.”
“Yeah…we could come up with a cure?”
“It’s called a hysterectomy Trapp…page 403.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah I know…Doctor John Francis Xavier McIntyre – hero of women and their partners everywhere.”
“Smartass.”
“Cute-ass!”
“I do don’t I?”
“Yeah you do, now get on your own bed.”
”Don’t wanna” Trapper pouted.
”Fine then I’ll move.” Hawkeye stood up with the blankets and stumbled onto Trapper’s cot.
”Hey…you gonna leave me with any cover?” Hawkeye threw him his shorts. “Great cover.”
“You two still not up?” Margaret asked angrily.
“Hey…it’s only 6 in the morning!” Trapper protested.
“So?”
“Mags come here.”
“What?”
“Just come here.” Margaret cautiously walked over to Hawkeye, who put his arms around her and pulled her onto the cot.
“Hawkeye…”
“Shhh…I’m not asking anything…just let me hold you.” Margaret remained tense but allowed him to hold her. Trapper visibly upset stormed out. Margaret let a tear fall onto Hawkeye.
”Don’t worry about him…he’s just acting like a spoilt shit. Not your fault.”
“Then why?”
“Why what?”
“You two…last night.”
“You were asleep…plus I knew something was up.”
“Then why can’t he accept that?”
“I dunno…he’s pretty clingy and defensive at the moment.”
“Hasn’t he always been clingy?”
“Yeah…we can’t all be upper middle class people.”
“Oh you are joking. He wouldn’t use money to get in the way.”
“No…I’m just saying when he doesn’t get his way he goes all shitty You and I haven’t always had the luxury of stability.”
“Why doesn’t he want me?”
“He does…he…I guess he still sees you as a threat.”
“Why?”
“I guess he doesn’t want to lose me again. And the fact that I love you mo…the same that’s a threat to him and what he wants.”
“What about you…what do you want?”
“I want you to get some sleep. As much as I love you you’re terribly cranky when you’ve had little sleep. Plus your indisposed position I’m guessing won’t allow you to be the friendliest of people.”
“How did you know?”
“You said yesterday why you’ve been irritable…plus I saw you sneak out this morning.”
“Does Trapper know?”
“Only after I hinted at him several times.”
“He’s not the brightest spark in the works?”
“You could say that. He’s just misguided. He…” Hawkeye started to chuckle, “He wanted one of us to get you pregnant.”
Margaret looked at him. “I don’t see how that’s funny.”
“I didn’t think it was either. Then he went on about finding a cure.”
Margaret started to giggle. “Oh he’d the hero of every woman.”
“And man.”
“So if he’s misguided…then what are you?”
“At the moment naked…”
“I know THAT…”
“Me? I guess I’m not the most stable person around. A life of instability proves that.”
“Like what?”
“My mother you know about.”
“Hmmm”
“Then my dad’s depression, him finding another woman…me pissed off at him for that. Him leaving her and living a lonely life.”
“Yeah…”
“Plus on top of that the whole Carlye, Trapper and sexuality issue.”
“Mmm…”
“And then I meet you. A wonderful, gorgeous person…who loves me for all my faults and imperfections and who is willing to share me with another person.”
“Am I?”
“You are…plus as much as I love Trapper…the little shit can really piss me off and you’re one of the only people I can tell that too.” Hawkeye leans in for a sweet, loving kiss. “One of the only did you say?”
“Yeah. I gotta tell you something. Promise you won’t go all army on me?”
“Since when have I been army?”
“Henry knows.”
“WHAT?”
“Last night…or rather this morning. He kept at it there was something between you and me, then from that he figured out it was me and Trapper.”
“Figured out?”
“More like he saw a look and took it from there. So I had to tell him what the situation was.”
“Why involve me?”
“So it didn’t look like we were leaving you out. It’s Henry…as much a lousy leader he is…he’s a good egg.”
“Yeah…”
“Go to sleep”
“Only if you do.”
“I will.”
“Promise I’ll try not to bleed on you or anything.” Hawkeye gave a laugh and kissed her forehead. The two crawl back to his cot and Margaret soon went back to sleep…still tense, but that was probably the uncomfortable nature of her condition Hawkeye concluded.
“You two finished playing house?”
“Since when did you decide to play the bastard?”
“Since you two ignored me.”
“Shhh…will you keep quiet. What the hell do you mean ignore?”
“I say something she bites my head off you say something and she’s all lovey-dovey…and yes I do mean the one on my shoulders Benjamin.”
“Don’t you even try it Trapper. If you would stop being such a prick then maybe she’d go to you for comfort.”
“What did I do?”
“You shouldn’t have to ask!”
“Fine…well I’m sorry if I’m not as in tact with my feminie side as you are.”
“That’s the problem…” Hawkeye mumbled.
“Oh that now is it. Well I’m sorry if she can’t handle a simple period!”
“Just fuck off Trapper…” Margaret mumbled.
“FINE THEN!” With that Trapper stormed out.
“Trouble in paradise McIntyre?”
“Piss off Burns!” Trapper marched past.
Frank mumbled something and went on his way.
“I’m sorry Mags” Hawkeye was comforting a shaking, crying Margaret.
“It’s not your fault…why does he have to do that?”
“I don’t know…he did it with Louise and now he’s trying it again. He’s too over protective…I’ll get through to him…somehow.”
“I’m just sick of this whole damn place OW!”
“What?”
“Cramps” she said with a teary chuckle.
Hawkeye smiled reassuringly “You want me to get you something?”
“No…it’ll pass thanks.” Hawkeye kissed her gently, wiping away her tears. “Damn…I got Post Op!” she said nearly crying again.
“Shhh…I’ll go find Kellye. Don’t move.” Hawkeye threw on his robe and walked out towards the nurses tent.
“Are you decent in there?”
“Come in and find out!” Gage said. “Looks like one of us isn’t” Anderson said, referring to his less than decent attire.
“Ha ha…Ah Kellye, a word?”
“Yes sir.”
“Would you or someone else be able to take Margaret’s shift today?”
“Why…is she sick…is she okay?”
“Oh yeah…just normal monthly things.”
“Oh right.”
“Just for today…she’s a little upset with things.”
“Trapper?”
“What?”
“I saw him marching out of there…twice.”
“Yeah…he’s just Trapper. Can you do that?”
“Yeah sure”
“Thanks”
“Oh…Hawkeye?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t think you’re fooling people.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Something’s up with the three of you…people are noticing. Just be careful.”
“Thanks Kel.” Hawkeye smiled.
“Anything else Captain?”
“Uh…Happy Birthday?” The girls threw various items at the door as he closed it quickly, chuckling and headed back to the Swamp.
Smiling as he saw Margaret’s sleeping form, he crept in beside her.
“Who’s the lucky one?”
“Kellye probably.”
“Good…I trust her.”
“Bad news though”
”What now?”
”People are suspicious…they’re gonna find out sooner or later.”
”Mmm I figured that.”
”We’ll worry about that later…just go to sleep.”
The two drift off to sleep. Arms around each other – Margaret finally relaxing.
Meanwhile:
“MCINTYRE!”
“WHAT!”
“I just had a very scared Radar come up to me…it’s enough that we have major pain giving him grief…but we don’t need you too. Now WHAT is your problem?”
“Them.”
“Who them? Hawkeye and Margaret?”
“Yeah.”
“What exactly”
“They’re in the Swamp playing house, calling me all sorts of things and leaving me out.”
“Great…McIntyre, I am not here to be a counsellor to 3-way relationships. Now why would they do that?”
“Because Hawk’s a wimp…because Maggie can’t handle being female, because I’m the one who came into this at the end…”
“Hold on. Why is Hawk a wimp and what about Margaret?”
“Because he understands women’s problems…he’s never even had kids!”
“Being a man that’s impossible.”
“And Margaret…I’m all sympathetic to her monthly issues but that’s no excuse for her to tell me to fuck off for having an opinion.”
“WHOA! You tried to have an opinionated discussion with a woman while it’s her time?”
”Yeah so?”
“You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“What?”
“Don’t even think about having an opposite opinion. You’re likely to get your head ripped off. You ever lived with your kids mother?”
“For a few weeks.”
“You have any sisters?”
“No, 2 brothers.”
“You’re not used to having older females around. My guess is Hawkeye knows what he’s dealing with. No need to get all pissy with him or her. It’s called hormones Trapper…deal with it.”
”Yeah…perhaps you’re right.”
“PERHAPS? Listen to a man whose been married for 10 years…the only way to deal with it – and with Margaret’s temper it’ll be worse – is comfort. Just that. Forget about your own needs cause you ain’t getting any.”
“Dammit I’m an idiot!”
“Go talk to them.”
“Nah…they’d be asleep.”
“Then go take Hawk’s shift for him.”
“Yeah…thanks Henry.”
”Just think before you act next time eh?”
”Sounds like a good idea to me.”
Trapper had been in Post Op for around 3 hours, all the patients were stable and the ones conscious were talking amongst themselves. He’d been thinking about how to fix things. Whether to let things slide or swallow his pride and admit he was wrong. They did say if this was going to work that they had to let each other have a little one on one time alone. And sure, they’d had sex at least 15 times since they’d been in Korea and thoroughly enjoyed it. He didn’t want to give that up - the love they had…and of course the sex but mainly the love. Besides…he slept with both sexes when he was with Louise and Hawkeye, so why couldn’t they have that freedom?
“Aw screw it!” He said with a sigh of frustration.
”Problem sir?” asked Kellye, who was more aware of the situation.
”No…ah…yeah…ah…naw don’t worry about it.”
”If it’s about Hawkeye and Margaret…” she said casually, writing down notes.
”YOU TOO!” he exclaimed.
”Not just me…it’s everyone in camp. We can see the looks you three give each other. Why do you think none of us have made a move?”
”Respect for superior officers?” Trapper asked, knowing it was a stupid answer. Kellye gave a laugh. “Well it was worth a try.”
“You three couldn’t be less subtle if you tried it. Especially those two…I’m surprised they haven’t jumped each other in the mess tent a few times.”
”Yeah” Trapper said sadly.
”What’s the problem exactly?”
”Me and my ego…it’s not my fault I’ve never lived with gals my age before.”
”You pissed her off and Hawkeye cooled her down?”
”YES!” he said flopping down on the desk.
”Go sort it out…we got things covered here right Kat?” she asked Bigelow.
”This about the problem?” Trapped nodded. “Yeah go, we’ll grab the Colonel if needed.”
”Thanks gals.”
”You can make it up to us with a sexual favour Trapp,” Bigelow said with a grin.
”Be my pleasure Kate!” He said, the nurses laughing as he exited.
Trapper made his way to the Swamp, hoping to fix everything before it all fell apart. Ignoring the stares he was getting by everyone he walked in. Hawkeye was still asleep; Margaret was lying down on her cot drinking. She just glared at Trapper, not saying a word.
“Should you be drinking while…you know?”
”God Trapper! It’s a normal thing that happens 12 times a year…nothing to be scared about. Besides I’m not drinking.”
”Then what do you call that in your hand?”
”Tea” she said rolling her eyes in annoyance.
”Oh…sorry.”
”So you should be,” she grumbled.
Trapper moved and sat down next to her legs. “Maggie I’m sorry about earlier.”
”Why are you sorry?”
”I’m sorry for what I said, how I acted…I was being an idiot.”
”Selfish asshole comes to mind.”
”Yeah I was. I just don’t know how to cope with…”
”With me?”
”I didn’t mean it like tha…”
”Look Trapper…I went to Hawkeye because I met him first. I cried with him, laughed with him, kissed him and slept with him first. He was the first person I met when I came here. The first person aside from my dad and…Lorraine that made me feel safe. It’s an automatic response and I’m sorry if that upsets you but we don’t have that connection.”
”But I’d like too.” Trapper said, crawling beside her on the cot.
”So would I.”
”Can we just forget about what happened earlier? Make a fresh start.”
”Well not too fresh…I don’t want you to forget the past three weeks.”
”Me neither” Trapper said with a grin and the two kissed.
The two lay there for the next while cuddling, talking about who they really were and how they felt about everything. Margaret was starting to let Trapper into her very exclusive circle of safety and Trapper was becoming less jealous and worried of her. True he knew that she and Hawkeye had a special bond that would make them very close, he would just have to accept that and be happy for what he had.
Around noon Hawkeye began to stir, the lack of food in his system waking him.
“Ah…you’re back?” he said still groggy.
”Yeah…we worked through a few things.”
”Mmm good.”
”Hey Hawk…we’re okay aren’t we?”
”Yeah of course.”
”Well that’s good because I’m starved,” Margaret said standing up.
”Breakfast?” asked Hawkeye.
”Try Lunch” replied Trapper.
”Aghhh” mumbled Hawkeye. “I knew there was something missing.” He said standing up.
”Uhhh…you could say that.” Margaret said staring at his less than clothed form.
”What?”
”Clothes Hawk?” said Trapper; he and Margaret giggling.
”Though if you’d rather not we really don’t mind.”
”I know you wouldn’t.”
“AH HA!” Frank stormed in with a camera.
”Did either of you order a family photo?” the two shook their heads.
”See see…you’re naked!”
”So are you under clothes”
”And she can see you!”
”So can you Major” Margaret pointed out.
”And you can too!” he said looking at Trapper.
”It’s not like he hasn’t got anything I haven’t.”
”Or have.” Hawkeye said pulling on pants.
”That’s true.”
”I know what’s going on with you three and I’m gonna prove it!”
”Major…GET OUT!” screamed Margaret. Frank startled ran out, just missing a fist heading his way.
”Asshole” she muttered.
”I think we need to teach major asshole a lesson he won’t forget.”
”Hmmm have something in mind?” asked Trapper.
”Maybe…shall we?” he asked, leading the two outside.
“What a day” exclaimed Trapper, looking up to the sky.
”Perfect for a picnic.” Said Margaret
”Nah…Too hot for my liking,” Hawkeye said yawning.
”Try living in Mexico…” she started.
”You lived in Mexico?” the guys asked.
”8 months. Times this by about 10 and add 50 degrees onto it and you’re getting close.”
”How you can live there I’ll never know.”
”That’s why we moved…Lizzie was getting bad heat stroke. I was sad to go…great parties there.” Margaret was more talking to herself than the guys.
”Hey why don’t we go for that picnic Trapp?” Hawkeye said as more of a statement, the two pretending to walk away from Margaret.
”Hey!” she said hitting both doctors as they entered the mess tent.
”Now this certainly isn’t foreplay!” Trapper said a little too loudly as the three went up to get their slop.
”Oh you wouldn’t know foreplay if it bit you on the ass!”
”Would biting someone on the ass be considered foreplay Henry?”
”No comment” he said as he got a green spoonful of goo on his tray. The three went into hysterics as Henry went bright red.
”Henry…is there something you wanna tell us?”
”I don’t kiss and tell”
”Or…bite?” Margaret asked, the three starting again.
”Ha ha…any hey what the hell is this stuff?”
”I believe that’s potato,” answered Trapper.
”Naw it’s the meat,” Radar said grabbing a second round of lunch.
”How can you tell?” asked Hawkeye.
”It’s still moving,” Radar answered.
”Ugh…I wish you hadn’t of said that kiddo,” Margaret said holding her stomach.
”Sorry Maj…uh…Margaret!” Radar said timidly.
”Don’t worry, I’ll stick with the toast and eggs…that I can sorta see.”
The 5 of them sat down at a table, Radar digging into his food while the other 4 sat there staring.
”So…I’m hungry?”
”Or crazy” Hawkeye sniffed his food.
”Geez, I wish you wouldn’t do that Hawk!” protested Trapper.
”I thought you’d be used to it by now,” he said popping a piece of ‘meat’ in his mouth.
”Oh sir this came for you before.” Radar said with a mouthful, handing Henry a piece of paper.
”Aw that’s tears it!”
”What is it?” asked Margaret.
”The general that’s coming on Thursday is now coming tomorrow.”
”Great!” Hawkeye said dropping his fork.
”What’s this one like Maggie?”
”Pure sleaze…not extremely military…but a sleazy prick all the same.” Radar paused for a few moments and continued to stuff his face.
”Sorry kiddo,” she said sheepishly.
”Oh don’t worry m’am…I hear worse from these two,” he said referring to Hawkeye and Trapper. Margaret laughed and nodded in agreement.
”Well that’s all nice Margaret but will he report us for as we are?” Henry asked nervously.
”He shouldn’t if he knows what’s coming to him.”
”Ah yes…a call from daddy and he’ll be…” Trapper started.
”Lower than camp lice…yeah dad’ll make sure of that.” Margaret said with a smile.
”So we’re safe then?” asked Henry
”We are…”
”…but he won’t be if he tries anything.” Hawkeye muttered, finishing her sentence.
”That goes double for me.” Trapper agreed.
At that moment Radar looked up and started to stand.
”Don’t say it!” Hawkeye started.
”Wounded Radar?” asked Margaret.
”No…it’s coming from Seoul”
”MAIL!” Margaret jumped up, “Well…are you lot coming?!” she said in a high pitched tone. Margaret was hoping for a letter from a certain Captain in Tokyo. That and anything from her family.
The four guys jumped up and the five of them ran out the door and up onto the chopper pad.
“Corporal O’Reilly?” asked the pilot, holding out a clipboard.
“Yeah…what took ya so long?”
“A little thing called the war.” He said with a sigh. Radar thanked him and with help carried 3 bags full of mail down to the office. People started to gather round, knowing what it was. “Okay alright get back…QUIET!” he finally yelled, the camp standing back.
Packages upon packages, more letters than a forest came out, each person getting at least 3 items of joy from home. When the enlisted and nurses had all their bundles, he set about getting the other items to the officers.
“Radar…”
”Don’t rush me!” he said. “Burns, Burns, Burns”
”We know his name!”
”Give it here you…simp!” Frank said, storming off with his 4 letters and 2 packages.
”Colonel…here’s a couple for you.” Radar handed Henry a bundle of letters.
”What no package?” Radar handed him 3 boxes, “Great!” he wandered off to his office.
”Ah Trapper…3 for you and a package.” Radar handed him his mail, “Hawk…2 for you and…this.” Radar handed him a large box.
”Boy someone must love you” Trapper said.
”Aside from you two there are other people out there who do.” He replied, ignoring the look Radar gave him.
”Anything for me Radar?” Margaret said hopefully.
”Ah…just the one letter.” Radar said. Margaret looking at it with a sad face.
”Thanks Radar!” Trapper said happily. Radar walked off with his own mail to the office.
“Mags you okay?” Hawkeye asked as the three walked towards the Swamp.
”Don’t worry about me…what did you get?” she asked sadly as they entered and sat down.
”I got 2 from my girls” Trapper said getting clucky. “See, that’s Kathy and the older one’s Becky.” He said showing her a picture they had sent.
”Cute…she has your eyes.” Margaret replied pointing to the younger girl, then sitting back down on Hawkeye’s cot.
”AH HA you old bastard!” Hawkeye yelled.
”What? Did Dan send something naughty?” Trapper asked.
”Ha…would be like him but no.”
”So what did he send then?” Trapper asked, mildly annoyed.
”The uke!”
”You’re kidding!”
”The wha…?” asked Margaret, thoroughly confused.
”The uke!”
”And not just any uke either!”
”You mean ukulele?” she asked.
”As sure as you’re blonde!” Trapper joked.
“HEY! I’ve always been blonde!” Margaret protested.
“Does it still work?” asked Trapper.
“Is the King English?”
“Depends on which country” Trapper casually said, lying back, reading a letter from his oldest.
“Well?” Margaret asked impatiently.
Hawkeye strum a few notes “Ugh…needs a little tuning I’d say.”
“You’re just tone deaf.” Hawkeye poked his tongue out at Trapper.
“So what’s so great about the uke?” Margaret asked.
“You remember the party in 49?”
“Oh yeah! Our Medical class threw a huge party for the summer holidays…marking that we had less than a year to go. You got so drunk you couldn’t tell the difference between a dame and a fire hydrant!” Trapper burst out laughing, Margaret joining him.
“Hey…in my defence that was a great looking fire hydrant!” he too burst out laughing, all three doubled over in hysterics. Hawkeye jumped on Trapper, trapping him on his cot.
“HEY!”
“Hey yourself!”
“What was that for?”
“For making me look like a dick in front Mags there…”
“I already knew you were a dick the moment I met you.” She said, walking over, settling in their arms. “But I still love ya!” she said kissing him. “I look better than that fire hydrant don’t I?” the 3 cracked up in laughter.
”Even Trapper looks better than that fire hydrant!”
“Well thanks Hawkeye…” Trapper said sarcastically.
“You idiot!” Hawkeye grabbed him and wrestled him to the floor.
“Foreplay?” asked Trapper.
“Or abuse?” asked Margaret
“Abusive foreplay” Hawkeye said before capturing Trapper’s mouth.
Margaret stood up, “Well I’ll leave you two lovebirds here…”
“Mags I…”
“No nothing like that guys…I have work to do and seeing that we’ll most likely be getting wounded later I want to get it done.”
“Maggie what about your letter?”
“I’ll read it later.” She said sadly.
“It’s not from Lorraine…is it?”
Margaret shook her head and walked out.
“Should we go after her?”
”No…just leave her…knowing Mags she’ll bury herself in work.”
”Yeah…so about the uke…” The two burst into laughter as they then tried to accomplish to tune the instrument.
Later that night in the mess tent at dinner, Hawkeye and Trapper had finally fixed the uke and had brought it along for dinner. Both being the kids at heart they were, had gotten into a spat about who should be first out of the door, and so were tackling and tripping over each other on their way to eat.
”You know you can be quite an asshole!” Hawkeye protested.
”Oh yeah…but you couldn’t live without it!” Trapper yelled a little too loud wit a little too many people around. They all suspected something…and now were sure of it.
The two were quite oblivious to the people around them in the tent and continued, ”HA! It’s you and Mags…that are the addicts NOT me!” Hawkeye said.
“Me…and Maggie? That’s not what you acted out last nigh…” Hawkeye clamped his hand over his mouth to shut him up.
“OW! You bit me!”
”Payback”
Hawkeye shook his hand and checked that it wasn’t bleeding, “YOU enjoyed that…admit it!” he said as they sat down.
“You two do know that the whole camp can hear you right?” Henry asked…he knew the full story.
Hawkeye and Trapper stopped dead. They looked around and everyone was quiet…looking at them, eyes full of shock.
“Uh…surprise?” Trapper said. The tension was cut as people continued on with their conversations, many breaking into laughter.
”Boy is your 3rd’s gonna be mad!” Henry said referring to Margaret, before shoving a mouthful of…food in.
”Speak of the devil …” Hawkeye mumbled as Margaret entered, slowing her movements as she noticed the tent looking at her.
”What did you do?” she asked carefully looking towards her guys.
”Nothing!” they said simultaneously.
“Right…” she said sarcastically, trying not to smile. Grabbing some…food she sat down next to Hawkeye across from Henry, Radar and Frank.
“Okay we ready to start?” Henry asked. They were having their weekly staff meeting and Henry wanted it over and done with.
”Uh yes sir…Uh Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake…”
”I’m here Radar…”
”Radar we’re all here.”
”Uh right.”
”No Corporal…regulations state that all officers must state whether they are here.”
”Is everyone here?” asked Hawkeye frustrated.
”YEAH” He, Trapper, Margaret, Henry and Radar stated.
”Happy Frank?”
”Stupid faerie” Frank mumbled. Margaret kicked him hard under the table, shooting him an evil glare. “OW! Colonel…she kicked me!”
”Serves you right…asshole” Margaret mumbled.
”Alright can we all just put our hatred aside for just 5 minutes please? Now does anyone have anything to declare before we start…aside from Frank?” Frank opened his mouth in shock and mumbled something.
”Yeah Henry…we need more plasma…” started Hawkeye.
”Sulphur” added Trapper.
”And water” Margaret said.
”All noted sir.”
”Okay…Frank” Henry sat back to listen to Frank’s newest bitching.
“As stated before I believe it is immoral for officers of different sexes to share a tent. Not only is it immoral…it’s against regulations!”
“Frank…we talked about this…”
”You go on about it”
”And you’ll find yourself up to your neck in hell…”
”Secondly I must protest this hatred towards me I constantly get from those three. You two I expect it from…but a fellow Major?” Margaret stayed silent, but she was ready to hit someone. Namely Frank.
Frank continued on with little things about respect and such…nothing to do with wounded or triage or surgery.
”And finally…”
”About time” Hawkeye muttered.
”I know about you three…I don’t need camera proof to show what you three are REALLY up to.
”Frank…” Henry was trying to stop him. Margaret had come to him too many times, threatening to beat the living hell out of Frank.
”I have nothing personal against you Major…but it IS against regulations and it IS immoral and…”
”Frank I’d stop if I were you” Hawkeye began.
”…It WILL get you a dishonourable discharge”
”Frank…shut u-up!” Trapper warned.
”…And I’m going to be the one to expose it,” He finished with a smug look.
”Oh well…then I guess a letter to a certain someone’s daddy about sexual assault won’t get anyone in trouble then.” Margaret said with an evil smile on her face.
”You can’t do that…that’s…”
”Regulation J/P21 an abuse of female personnel by male personnel is to be reported immediately and said male personnel is to be put under house arrest awaiting an investigation and court martial. If personnel is found guilty, can be sentenced to 15 years stockade with dishonourable discharge.” Radar stated.
”You little…”
”Lay one finger one him and you’ll wish you never came to Korea.” Trapper said.
”You know what this is…it’s abuse…”
”Frank…GET OUT!” Henry yelled…already sick of him.
“I just thought you should know Henry, I’m reporting him to General Clayton tomorrow if you want your signature on it?” Margaret told him.
”Yeah, thanks Margaret. Anything else Radar?” Henry said rubbing his temples.
”Aside from the General tomorrow we got a telegram from HQ this afternoon…”
”What did it say?”
”That we got the highest survival rate out of every medical unit in South East Asia. At uh…95%”
The four remaining officers cheered and informed the rest of the mess the good news. After the cheering and initial celebration died down Hawkeye announced “Party in the Swamp!” The mess tent crowd headed over to the Swamp where martinis were served, along with other drinks and music was started. The crowd partied til wounded arrived at around 12am.
Operating til well into the morning, the tired medical personnel hit the sack, many still in their scrubs…forgetting about the General’s impending visit.
