STANDARD DISCLAIMER: ER belongs to NBC and their lackeys. All characters you don't recognize from ER are likely mine. The name Jo Polniaczek was used by the show Facts of Life but the actual character is original. I know, just change the last name, 'duh.

SUBTEXT and VIOLENCE DISCLAIMER: Yes, maintext.  No.

CONTINUITY DISCLAIMER: For ER up until Rampage. Outrigger is set in the alternate universe outlined in The Thing series.

EXPLANATION AND FURTHER DISCLAIMERS: Hmm, Tucker's fault. Honest.

REALISM DISCLAIMER: Not very realistic at all, I suspect. The fire station is a cross between information found about the Chicago Fire Department, Chicago Emergency Medical Service (wonderful sites at http://www.ci.chi.il.us/Fire/, http://www.enteract.com/~rjs/cfd/ and http://www.emergency.com/cfdpage.htm) and my somewhat hazy memory of the old TV show Emergency! (Go Roy!). I've also been told (nay, commanded by the Infamous Tucker Glenn) to watch Third Watch for research or else. The designations that I've used are, to the best of my knowledge, not assigned to any vehicle or firehouse in the Chicago Fire Department.

FEEDBACK, COMMENT AND FLAMES: Email at maven369@sympatico.ca

"Don't you ever sleep?"

Sawyer tugged the earphones from her head and looked over the book. "Of course."

"I've never seen you."

"You never saw the dark side of the moon. But it's there."

Jo shook her head. "Not the same."

"Right. It ain't. Let me think of a better example." So saying she put back on the earphones and went back to her book.

"Are you thinking or ignoring me?"

"Yes."

"T!" Across the bunk room several forms turned on their bunks.

"Yes, Jo?"

"Why are you ignoring me?" Jo asked her voice lowered to a hissing whisper.

"Because there is no real good or simple answer. Therefore, I choose to ignore it."

"You can't do that."

"I believe I can and did."

"You can't do that."

"Why not?"

Jo stared at her silently, fingers clenching and releasing the blanket.

Sawyer sighed. "You want to go get some hot chocolate or something?"

"This is more ignoring."

"No. Just changing the location of the ignoring. Yes or no?"

"Yes," Jo said, pushing the blankets aside and grabbing her socks, shoes and shirt before following Sawyer down the stairs. In the kitchen she found a seat and watched as Sawyer prepared the hot chocolate.

"Dehydrated foam pretending to be baby marshmallows or plain?" Sawyer asked finally.

"Yes," Jo answered, the word drawn out to twice its usual pronunciation.

"I deserved that."

"You did. No marshmallows."

"Okay. Oreo?" Sawyer asked as she took the bag from the cupboard.

"Yes."

Sawyer carefully twisted a cookie apart and handed the bottom and icing to Jo.

"This a peace offering?"

"Not exactly. I have trouble sleeping. I have more trouble in a setting like the bunkroom. When I have trouble sleeping I tend to have... interesting dreams. When I have interesting dreams I tend to wake up abruptly. Often loudly. Sometimes violently when someone tries to stop the yelling," Sawyer said to the top of the Oreo cookie.

"Hey."

"Yeah, Jo?"

"Okay."

"Okay what."

"Okay I understand. You want me to stay awake with you?"

"You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to."

Sawyer dissected another Oreo and handed the iced bottom to Jo. "I'm not use to that."

"What, someone staying up?"

"Someone offering."

+++++

"I love Christmas."

"So you keep saying."

"The lights. People trying to be nice. The snow covering the trash."

"Yeah, wonderful," Sawyer said, staring out the passenger window at the aforementioned lights, people and snow.

"Family and friends. Two days off," Jo said, pulling into the lot behind Sawyer's building. "You have any plans?"

"Wha? Oh, no."

"You could come with me. To Fort Wayne. One more person wouldn't be noticed," Jo said, striving for casual.

"I..."

"You don't have to answer right now. Just, think it over."

"Yeah. I will. See ya tomorrow."

Wishing that any word other than 'escape' could be used, Jo watched as Sawyer entered the building and disappeared from sight. Slowly she began to bounce her head against the steering wheel.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

+++++

"Hey cheerful, what's up?" The reading room was dark and mostly deserted. "And in case you were wondering, I was being sarcastic about the cheerful."

"Nothings up. Everything is down."

"Christmas blues, Jo? Second thoughts about asking Sawyer to meet the folks?"

"Maybe."

"What? I thought you two were good."

"I dunno, Sandy. I think I pushed her too far."

"What do you mean?" Sandy asked.

"I knew... I understood that she was running away from something. And I knew I couldn't push."

"I thought you two were getting along."

"We are. We were. I don't know."

"What happened?"

"We have tomorrow and Christmas off. I asked her if she wanted to come to my folks place in Fort Wayne. Turkey dinner. You know. Just family."

"And?"

"She freaked."

"Well, you know, introducing your lover to your family for the first time at Christmas..."

"She's not."

"Excuse me?"

"She's not," Jo said to the floor. "We're not. We're... I don't know what we are."

"Hey," Sandy said, pulling Jo's chin up. "It'll be okay."

"Will it?" Jo asked. "I was pushing too fast."

"Too fast? Mija, you two have been an item for nearly six months and you haven't done the deed? And this was too fast?"

"It was for her."

"I don't believe this. Look, I like Sawyer. She's a good friend and an excellent paramedic and I trust her with my life." Sandy paused, as if drawing a mental line and then crossed it. "But she's obviously not your girlfriend. She's obviously afraid to commit. She puts walls up between everyone."

"Not me. Not even now."

"I hope you're right, Jo."

+++++

Jo opened the door, not sure who she was expecting, only that a pale and drawn Sawyer wasn't on the list.

"Hey."

"You going somewhere?" Jo asked, looking at the duffel by Sawyer's feet. Fear began to take hold. Not at all alleviated by the Sawyer muttering her answer.

"What?"

"Fort Wayne," Sawyer said. "Fort Wayne. With you. If the invitation is still open. I wasn't sure what to pack so I just brought everything. I thought..."

Jo's eyes closed. "T?"

"Yeah, Jo?"

"The invitation is always open," Jo said, eyes opening and the beginning of a smile appearing.

"Good. Will they, ah... will they be upset if I introduce myself as your girlfriend? Instead of your partner. Work partner. Not that other partner. Because I'm still working on the girlfriend part of partner and I am absolutely amazed that people call me taciturn. Which I did not have to look up in the dictionary as my grade one teacher put it on my report card and my mom did and will they be upset?"

"Surprised a bit. Not upset. You sure?"

"No," Sawyer said. "I'm just sure I don't have a choice anymore."

"Okay. Well, you want to come in while I finish packing then?"

Sawyer shove kicked her duffel into the hall. "Great. Can I use your phone? I need to make a call."

"Sure. My phone is your phone," Jo said, backing down the hall to her bedroom.

"Thanks."

+++++

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Jus' scared."

"You're scared? You're scared and admitting it?"

"Yeah. Just to you. I do have a reputation as a hard ass to protect."

"But I don't count?"

"No, you don't matter."

Jo laughed, causing Sawyer to startle, frown and then smile. "That came out wrong."

"I figured."

"It doesn't matter if you know. I trust you."

Jo paused, backtracking because the current conversational location was somewhat terrifying at the moment.

"Why scared?"

"Oh. Spotlight. Outsider. Girlfriend."

The last was a question and Jo nodded, hand reaching out to grip Sawyer's fingers.

"Girlfriend," Sawyer repeated as if trying it on for size. "This is a weekend for firsts. Where do I sleep?"

"With me in my old room. Double beds so my parents have plausible deniability."

"They are okay with this, right?"

"Well, it's been theory until now, never been put to a practical before."

"Ah. Definitely a week for firsts. I trust you're scared?"

"Somewhat terrified. Want to go back to Chicago?"

Sawyer looked up at the house, the front window full of curious faces. "Too late, we've been spotted."

+++++

"You work with Aunt Jo?"

"Yes."

"You a fireman?"

"Firewoman, stupid."

"No. I'm a paramedic."

"You ever get to amputate a leg?"

"Ah, no."

"Daddy got to amputate a leg once."

"Well, ain't he lucky."

"Yeap. And he delivered twins. Did you deliver twins?"

"No. Just one baby."

"My daddy delivered quadtrimuplets."

"There's no such word as quadtrimuplets."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Easy now. Christmas time. Santa won't come if you argue."

An immediate silence fell.

"Do you believe in Santa?"

"Jo," Sawyer called out, trying to gauge how loud her voice needed to be to be heard above the murder of children around her.

"Are you going to sleep in Aunt Jo's bed? Because Glenda snores..."

"Do not!"

"Jo!"

+++++

In retrospect Jo realized that she had always known that it would be a memorable moment; something that would need no proof or picture or memento because the memory would be enough.

The adults had waited with a patience Jo found hard to believe before pouncing on her with a hundred questions. She had looked briefly toward the family room where the children had dragged Sawyer to watch the their newest Disney DVD and then sighed and settled down for the inquisition.

It still played, bright Disney lighting the sleeping forms, her nieces and nephews sprawled boneless over the couch and Sawyer. Quietly Jo sat on the edge of the coffee table to watch Sawyer sleep.

After a few minutes Sawyer stiffened slightly, abruptly awake. "I read once in some god-cats-are-great book about some Chinese emperor that cut the sleeve of a priceless robe rather than wake up a kitten." She winced. "I have no feeling in my left arm, Jo."

"Stop whining."

"It is a statement of fact," Sawyer said, trying to stretch and flex her arm without disturbing the children using her legs as pillows. "Have they got it out of their systems?"

"What?"

"Your family? You answered all their questions."

Jo lifted a child's head enough for Sawyer to slip free and then placed a pillow to support the sleeping child.

"Jo?"

"Actually, I could only answer about a quarter of the questions. There weren't that many that I both knew the answer to and was willing to say."

"Oh."

"Here, give me the baby and I'll return him to his mom."

"Jo?"

"I'll meet you in the room, okay?"

+++++

Sawyer stared at the ceiling. It was, she supposed, a nice ceiling. It being dark she really couldn't tell.

Jo had fallen asleep quickly after changing for bed. Sawyer had a harder time of it. Getting use to the bed was easy. The posters of Bon Jovi and Aerosmith was much harder. The stirring of nearly a dozen people in a house was impossible.

The door handle turned, slowly and a small child looked in solemnly before pushing the door open to enter the room. Jo stirred and turned away from the hall light.

"Glenda snores."

Sawyer sat up in bed. "You want me to do something? Tyler, right? Shouldn't you ask your mom?" she asked, trying desperately to match the child with the adult and drawing a blank.

The boy shook his head and pointed at Sawyer's bed. "Glenda snores," he repeated.

"So you said. You wanna sleep with me?"

"No. You take up too much room. "

"You're kicking me out of my bed?"

"No. It's grandma's bed."

"Where do I sleep?"

"You can sleep with Aunt Jo. Remember?"

"I can?"

"Mommy and Daddy sleep together. But not in the same room with Glenda."

Sawyer sighed and slipped out of the bed, tucking the boy in and then standing for a few minutes considering her options.

"Move over."

"What?"

"I've been evicted. Take me in?"

"I snore if I lie on my back," she said.

"That's okay, apparently it's a family trait. I'll just pinch your nose if you do."

"I love you," Jo said, id still apparently asleep and ego too tired to censor her.

"Yeap."

"Are you going to say you love me too or make me wait?"

"Yeap."

"You are a total ass. You know that, right?"

"Yeap. And yeap."

+++++

It was the soft click of the door locking that woke her up again.

"Jeez, T. Easy."

"Sorry, I..." she cocked her head and paused. "Where is everyone?"

"Church. Or, rather, on their way. They'll be back in about two-three hours."

"You didn't want to go with them?" Sawyer asked, sitting up in the bed. Jo shook her head, approaching the side of the bed and crouching down.

"Wouldn't want to tempt any lightning," Jo said with a smile that caused Sawyer to draw back just a little.

"Lightning?"

"Sitting in church while thinking of you," Jo said, tugging softly on the edge of the quilt. "My thoughts would not be appropriate to celebrating mass."

"No?" Sawyer croaked, clearing her throat slightly. "Your thoughts would be?"

"Celebrating you."

"Oh."

"Although I'm getting mixed signals at the moment."

Sawyer watched as Jo leaned back on her heels, hands falling to her knees. Carefully balanced. The picture of patience.

Sawyer flipped back the cover.

"You sure?" as she crawled in, propping herself up on one elbow as she lay beside Sawyer.

"Jesus, Jo, it's been six months. I'm slow but not dead."

"Then why are you trembling?"

"We did establish my terror yesterday, right?"

"Why? I mean, everyone has a first... ow. What was that for?"

"You're not my first anything," Sawyer muttered and then smiled at Jo's disappointed expression. "Well, 'cept first that matters."

"That'll do," Jo said, dipping her head slightly. Pausing and waiting until Sawyer rose to meet her.

"I'm not scared anymore," Sawyer said after a few minutes.

"But you're still trembling."

"I am."

"And you're speaking with an accent."

"I am?"

"You are. Do you think it gets thicker if we, um..."

"Likely," Sawyer said and then hissed as Jo shifted positions. "Jesus God."

" Are you sure you're speaking English? I could barely understand that."

"Don't let it go to your head. You set an alarm? Because if your family walks in on me getting all Texas twangy I will die."

"You're safe."

"I am?"

"You are."

+++++

"How long has it been since you had a family Christmas, Sawyer?"

"I left home when I was fourteen. So that long," Sawyer said, oblivious to the reactions of the adults as she held the potato bowl for Tyler.

"I'll be fourteen in six years. Can I leave home then, Dad?"

"No, Tyler. You may not."

Tyler frowned at his father but shrugged and took another scoop of potatoes.

"How long have you been Aunt Jo's girlfriend?"

"Since, I guess since she got her firefighter ticket back." This time the adult's reactions were too pronounced to miss. "What?" Sawyer asked in confusion.

"You recertified?" Jo's father asked as Jo's mother stood abruptly, mumbling something about more vegetables and hurrying to the kitchen.

"Couple of months ago. But it was just... I just did it. It doesn't mean anything, okay?"

"Your mother..."

"Your mother," Jo's mother interrupted as she returned and banged a bowl of peas onto the table, "was relieved beyond words when you transferred to the paramedics. What happened to Ted was tragic. It could so easily have been you."

"Grandma stopped Daddy from being a fireman when I was born," Tyler whispered loudly to Sawyer.

"Mom, I took the recert but I'm not..."

"God knows how many morning I've spent at the church praying..."

"Mary, if the girl wants to..."

Abruptly Sawyer stood, mumbling something even she didn't understand and heading away from the table. Slightly surprised to find herself knee deep in snow in the back yard, shivering in her light shirt. Not at all surprised when a coat was placed on her shoulders. Or when a warm body pressed up behind her.

"Sorry. They're all sorry and ashamed and want you to come back."

"You were all yelling..."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"...and you weren't mad or angry. Not really. You were all yelling because you love each other."

"T?"

Sawyer turned. "It was wonderful and I couldn't stay there another minute. I'm not upset at you or your family, okay?"

"Okay," Jo said, hugging her tight. "You coming back in?"

"I didn't put on my shoes before I came out."

"So you're coming in?"

"With you. In a minute."

+++++

"And you'll be back for Easter?"

"Yes, Mom."

"And you'll come too, Sawyer?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I do wish you wouldn't be so silly about telling us your first name. It seems so odd to call you by your last name."

"No, ma'am," Sawyer said firmly.

"It was good to meet you, Sawyer."

A thousand words fought with each other to express something that Sawyer could not define. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Call me Mary."

"No, ma'am!"

Jo's mother laughed and then stepped back from the car. "Drive carefully!"

+++++

The only clear recollection Jo had of the actual impact was Sawyer's ability to stretch a four letter word into near paragraph length.

"Jo!"

"Yeah. I'm good," Jo shouted, awareness returning. Good was relative as she seemed to be lying on her side, suspended by her seat belt. Reflexively she turned the keys to the off position. "What happened?"

"Something hit your side. You sure you're okay?"

"Yes. We're flipped," Jo said, twisting around in the seat belt and trying to get her bearings. From outside she could hear the rumble of yelling voices approaching, still to far away to make out the words. Through the spider web fracturing of the windshield she could see the rough cinderblocks of a building a few inches away. "Can you reach the mike and radio this in?"

"I don't think I can."

"T? Oh, hell. Watch out."

Carefully Jo released the seat belt, carefully orientating herself before dropping the few inches to the ground. Glass crunched underfoot as she attempted to crouch low enough to see Sawyer.

"Lotta blood here, T."

"Yeah. And my right side is all numb and I can't move my leg."

Jo pulled the maglight from her equipment belt, shining it onto Sawyer's head. "It looks like mostly face lacerations and one nasty scalp wound." Jo did a quick pat down on Sawyer's arms and legs, unable to reach much lower than the right knee before being stopped by the metal from the door and dash.

"Hurts like hell."

"I know," Jo said, attention pulled away by the obvious sounds of someone climbing up the ambulance. "Looks like the drug box clipped you. Can't tell about your leg "

"Hey down there. You okay?"

Jo looked up at the face in her side window. "I'm fine but my partner has undetermined injuries and we'll need the jaws to get her free."

There was a flurry of emotions. "Get up here," the man said. Jo paused but nodded.

"Be right back, T. Don't wiggle."

"That's not what you said last night," Sawyer said faintly.

"Hey, stay awake," Jo commanded, using the seat for a leg up. She popped out of the window, looking around curiously.

"My god," she said, turning back to the man who she now saw was Chicago police.

"We have to get you out of here."

"Can't. Her leg's pinned by the dash."

"Your guys are on the way but..."

"Get me a crow bar or something."

"Right," the officer said, dropping down.

Muttering Jo clambered back down.

"Pro'lem?" Sawyer asked, voice groggy. "And I can tell if you lie so don' bother."

"Right. We're smacked up against a building with a big SUV holding us there. There are three other cars. The one against our rear fender's on fire."

"I see."

"Don't worry. I'll..."

There was a muffled wummmph sound and the ambulance was pushed even closer to the wall.

"Jo, you have to get out of here," Sawyer stated calmly.

"No way."

"Listen, I'm trapped, there's a shitload of explosive gases in the back. You need to get out and help."

"But..."

"You swore."

"But..."

"Hand me the fucking drug box and get out of here."

"I can't do that."

"30mg, Jo. Boom, one-shot bolus. C'mon, you swore."

"T..."

"Listen!"

Automatically Jo fell silent, waiting to hear Sawyer's next argument. Hearing instead the crackle pop of flames and the panicked shouting. Not hearing even the echo of the high-low of the fire truck. "Don't make me do this."

"Don't make me bash my brains out on side of the bus. Gimme the drug box. No one will know. G'wan."

The conflict of emotions suddenly ceased. "Shut your eyes. I can't do it if you're watching."

+++++

"I must be in purgatory."

"I think that's the nicest compliment I've received from a patient," Kerry Weaver said.

"Really? Then this isn't purgatory?"

"Not in the literal sense. To be honest it's more often compared to hell."

"Jo didn't kill me."

"Of course not. Although she misjudged the Droperidol and had to give you a second dose. You seem to have a high tolerance to it. I want you to lie still..."

"But I told her to. She swore," Sawyer said as the room began to fray around the edges.

"Just lay quietly, Sawyer," Kerry said, her voice hollow and distant to Sawyer's ears as consciousness faded again.

+++++

Consciousness came more abruptly this time.

"Easy," said a vaguely familiar voice.  "You're in soft restraints at the moment."

Sawyer opened her eyes slowly.  At the foot of the bed, feet propped up on the bed frame a young man sat reading from a file.

"Why," she asked.

"Second and third time you woke up you nearly tore out your IV.  I'm Dr. Foster."

"Dr. Bunny."

"Ah.  Yeah.  That's me."

"How...  Where's Jo?"

"Probably in one of the lounges."

"Why... Anyone else hurt at the accident?"

"Some seat belt burn and airbag nose squashing.  That was about it."

"Am I... Why are you here?"

"Bit of a Cook County tradition.  Whenever someone in Emergency services is admitted we try to get an emergency department nurse or doctor to sit with them until they wake up. Especially when... Anyway, someone who understands answering the questions," Foster said.  He pushed back on his chair, teetering a bit and grinning at Sawyer.  "Now.  Do you want to ask those three questions you started?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You asked how.  How badly are you hurt is the usual lead off question."

"Okay.  How badly am I hurt?"

"Your right shoulder was dislocated.  Your upper right arm was broken.  Three cracked ribs.  Your emergency services coat buffered the seat belt.  Your right leg is badly bruised.  You have a twelve stitch scalp wound and the right side of your face is pretty much a single bruise.  A badly scratched single bruise."

"God."

"Your next question immediately followed asking where Jo was and began with 'why'.  Jo is more than just your EMT partner?"

Sawyer hesitated and then nodded once.

"Then," Foster said, "I'll refer that one to Jo.  Next question started 'am I'.  And I haven't a clue what that one was."

"Am I badly burned?"

"Oh.  No.  Not burned at all.  As I understand it the fire didn't reach the cab.  You were unconscious?"  Sawyer nodded.  "I'm not sure how close the fire got.  Jo would know."

"Okay.  Thanks, Dr. Bunny."  Sawyer said, shifting slightly.  "You the only one available to sit with me?"

Foster hesitated.  "Not exactly."

"I see.  Jo thought it would be good if a shrink was sitting here?"

"Actually, Dr. Weaver suggested it."

"Weaver? Why?"

"Maybe because she was there when you woke up the first three times."

"I kinda remember once. I don't remember being tied up."

"You weren't the first time. You woke up the next two times struggling and eventually we decided to use the restraints."

"You gonna take them off or is that how you get your jollies?"

"Well, yeah, maybe," he grinned. "But not with a patient. That would be ethically wrong."

+++++

The lounge was deserted except for two figures. Sawyer nodded at Chris Yensen as she stood and totally ignored the hunched figure of Jo as she huddled in Yensen's borrowed EMS coat.

"I'm clear to go, Lieutenant. I understand you're giving me a ride?"

"Sure. Jo, you ready?"

"Yeah," Jo said, standing awkwardly with her hands rammed deep into the pockets of the coat.

+++++

"I didn't realize you were such a gentleman."

"What?"

"Car door, seeing her in. Did you kiss her goodnight or just shake hands?"

"You are so unbelievably out of line," Chris said, pulling out of the parking lot. "You know, I thought she was over reacting but I see she has you pegged."

"What? Pegged how?"

"While we were waiting for you to be released she told me to prepare a letter of recommendation. That she was applying to the Fort Wayne FD."

"What?"

"I said she told me..."

"No," Sawyer said, interrupting. "What!"

"She said you wouldn't want to work with her."

"Well, I don't."

"If I wasn't on duty and legally responsible for your welfare at this exact moment in time I'd kick your ass out of my car..."

"But she..."

"Without stopping."

"Lied."

Stony silence.

"Sawyer, can I ask you two questions?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said grudgingly.

"Did Jo lie or did you ask her to do something impossible?"

"And the second?" Sawyer asked after a minute of silence.

"Why didn't Jo take her hands out of her coat pockets?"

"Fuck," Sawyer muttered after a short pause. "Damnit, I gotta..." she said louder before undoing her seatbelt and beginning to open the door.

"Hey," Chris yelped, slamming on the brakes and causing a cascade of horns to sound. In her rear view mirror she could see Sawyer threading her way through traffic.

"Idiot."

+++++

"Coming. I'm coming."

Sawyer shifted from foot to foot, attention divided between the sounds of locks and listening for pursuit.

"I wasn't expecting you for another half... oh."

"It's me. I expect the lieutenant will be along momentarily. Can I come in and barricade the door?"

The smile was brief. The hesitation longer. "Sure," Jo said, sounding anything but.

"Want me to help with that?"

"I can manage. It looks worse than it is."

"It looks pretty bad, Jo."

Jo looked down at her hands encased in gauze and surgical tape. "Actually, the pain killers haven't quite worn off yet so maybe it is as bad as it looks."

"They weren't cut when you were checking me out?"

"No. It was later," Jo said, sighing after a few moments when Sawyer's expression indicated that the subject was not going to be dropped anytime soon. "You freaked and started thrashing."

"Thrashing?"

"You were scared."

"Scared. Yeah, I suppose I was. There's more to it than that, right?" Sawyer asked.

"Yes. But it's not important right now."

"You, ah, you can't look after yourself like that."

"Chris said she'd stay over a few days until the bandages were off."

"Not me," Sawyer muttered to herself.

"I'm surprised to see you here at all, to be honest."

"I am to, since we're being honest."

"Then why?"

"It was pointed out to me that perhaps I was being unfair."

"Unfair?"

"I believe the word 'ass' was going to enter into the conversation any moment."

Jo's eyes closed. "So now what?"

"Jo, you know how... terrified I am of burning, right?"

"About as much as I'm terrified of being responsible for another death. For your death," Jo said, eyes opening with a fierceness that caused Sawyer to take a step back and bang against the door. "Which, by the way, didn't happen. It is so fucking Sawyerish to be bitching about not being dead when clearly I was right. It is so fucking Sawyerish to be disappointed to be alive."

"That's not true."

Jo's right eyebrow rose in question.

"I am glad to be alive."

"Right."

"I am," Sawyer assured her. "You are too, right?"

Jo sighed. "Yeah. I'm glad you're not dead. Come here."

Tentatively Sawyer moved forward until she bumped up against Jo softly and felt arms hold her loosely.

"Sawyerish isn't a word," Sawyer said, voice muffled by Jo's shirt.

"Should be."

"At least you got yourself safe, right?" Sawyer asked and then groaned into Jo's collarbone when silence was her answer.

"How can you ask me to do these things?" Jo asked.

"Easy," Sawyer said, taking a half step back. "Jo, don't let me burn to death. Jo, keep yourself safe."

"I didn't. I was. Trust me?"

"Hard," replied Sawyer, voice muffled.

"To trust me?" Jo asked, hurt making her tone bitter.

"No. I trust you. That's what's hard."

"Most days I don't really understand you, Sawyer."

"Yeah, you do. Better than anyone. That's hard, too," Sawyer said before a slight pause and then, "I love you, by the way."

"I suppose that's hard as well?"

"No. Wish it was. If loving you was hard I could run away."

Jo pulled Sawyer back, content to hold her silently until the loud banging on the apartment door began.

"Jo!"

"Oh Lord. It's the lieutenant. She's come to kill me."

Jo pushed Sawyer toward the living room. "Hide out in there. I'll explain to her."

Sawyer moved into the living area and around the cornet, out of sight of the apartment door, focusing on the photos on the wall and shelves to drown out the voices. The angry and exasperated voice of Chris, the calming voice of Jo, the little voice screaming to make a break out the balcony window. Focusing instead of the photos of Jo growing up, of her family, of her in first her firefighting uniform and then that of a paramedic. Stopping at a candid picture taken only a few weeks ago, Sawyer sitting between Jo's legs as she opened a Christmas gift.

"Okay," Jo said, coming into the living room and watching Jo as she slowly revolved in the middle of the room. "Whatchya looking for?"

"I know why you could never find me at my place when you do this."

"Why?" Jo asked, stopping an arm's length from Sawyer. Smiling as Sawyer reached out and covered Jo's heart with her hand.

"I'm here."

The End

URL: www.oocities.org/maven369/in2/sj3.html

Main Page: www.oocities.org/maven369

Email at maven369@sympatico.ca