Writing Return To: Christine's Main Page, Contents Page

I've always loved to write.  Though I fantasize about writing a novel (not the Great American Novel, but something people will have fun reading), I find that I'm not as good at the creative end of things as I am at the technical.  So for the time being, I'm concentrating on nonfiction.  You may find my writing - published and self-published,  at the following places.

Book Reviews One of my major goals for a long time has been to review books professionally...

Romance Novel Review

I quickly discovered that with my utter lack of publishing credits, no one else was going to let me review books.  Even without pay.  So I decided to call a little attention to myself.  "But romance novels?! Why?!  You don't seem like the type of person who reads romance!"

I hear that a lot.  And it certainly used to be true.  And then, all by myself, I went to Guam for a semester.  I was in love and without my boyfriend.  I was lonely.  I was bored.  And there was this bookstore with a huge selection of romance and so I bought a few.  What the hell, it wasn't like anybody new me and was going to make fun of me.  And I'll tell you what!  I was hooked!  Now, I still read a lot of other things, but I can read any romance novel - even a bad one - within just a few hours.  That fact, coupled with the fact that the romance industry makes up 49% of all mass market sales, and that there is a huge romance writing and reading community on the web, seemed to make it a good choice for a book review site.  I wanted to be able to do a lot of reviews in a very short time, and spend more time writing than reading.  Within just a few months, I was getting tons of free books in the mail from authors big and small.  Eventually, this lead to a "job" offer from...

Hallelujah!  A real, internationally distributed magazine wanted me to write for them.  My web site had become a huge monster and was overwhelming me, so I found someone to take it over (unfortunately that someone found they'd bit off more than they could chew, and the site was eventually abandoned).

I've been reviewing 2 - 4 books for them every month for about two years now.  If you sift through some of the reviews from the last 2 years, you'll find my name on close to 100 of them.

But...

I'm still not making any money at this.  So although I'll keep reviewing for RT as long as they'll have me, I'm starting to look around for other reviewing experience and opportunities.  Which brings us to...

Nope, they're not going to pay me either.  But... they review some really exciting stuff, and, more importantly, I'll get to pick what I read.  Furthermore, if I think a book is complete garbage, I'll get to say so, whereas at RT I have to be super nice no matter what. Because I've decided to dedicate myself to finding paying review work, I'm only going to review about one book every six weeks for them.  Check around February or March for my first offering at their site. Meanwhile, I've had tons of invitations to review without pay, and I've been turning them all down, which I never would have done two years ago.   So I guess that's progress.

The Green Man Review Roots and Branches of Music and Literature

Other Nonfiction

This was my very first non-self publishing credit.  The topic of my article should come as no surprise.

WrittenByMe is now defunct.  I wrote about 50 articles for the site, mostly of a highly personal, somewhat controversial nature.

Epinions was and still is the most promising of the self-publishing sites.  The articles I submitted here are of a more benign nature than those at WrittenByMe.  Book, movies, and product reviews, recipes, travel writing, and a few editorials.  An astounding 95 articles in all are here.

My Only Attempt Ever at Comedy

This piece of silliness requires some explanation.  When I was writing at the now defunct "Themestream" I was challenged to put together a short story made up of as many titles from my other articles as I could.  I had no idea what I was writing when I started this.  It just took on a life of its own.  A slightly sick and twisted life, as you'll see if you read on.  The RED phrases are the article titles.

"Enter if You Dare!"

Reluctantly, I walked through the doors of THE GLASS ONION GALLERY, almost chickening out at the door when I saw the title of the current show: CIRCUMCISION DECISION.  I thought "This can't be good."  But hubby had asked me to pick up the latest addition to his growing "art" collection on my way home, so I bravely headed up to the counter. As I laid eyes on the guy behind the counter, I wondered anew what on earth my husband could want from this place!  The attendant who was noisily, messily consuming a couple of GRINGO BURRITOS looked as though he had been DRAGGED THROUGH K-MART BY AN IRATE CUSTOMER.  I thought I could just say, "I've got a package to pick up for FUSHIGI YUUGI" and I'd be on my way back out the door.  But this guy wanted to know ALL ABOUT ME.  He had the nerve to demand three pieces of ID, and I had to go digging through my purse for an old library card to satisfy the third one.  While I searched, the weirdo asked me some very strange questions, like "IS OUR PRESIDENT A CHIMPANZEE?" and "WHAT'S IN A NAME?  LET'S FIND OUT!" After what seemed like hours of me sifting through clutter and muttering repeatedly to myself "IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!"  I finally found it underneath my well-worn copy of "COMFORT YOUR CHILD, COMFORT YOURSELF."  Finally, he hands me a small package wrapped in plain brown paper.  It was obviously a video tape.  On the front in black magic marker was written "More 'art' for the INVOLUNTARY PORNOGRAPHY VIEWER."  Did I detect a hint of sarcasm in the slant of the word "art?" Well, I just had to open it.  If dear old hubby didn't want me to invade his privacy, maybe he could rethink THE DECISION TO STAY AT HOME and come after his own "art" next time. Ripping open the package I saw something that frightened me.  On the front of the video tape box there was a huge grown man naked in a relatively small bath tub.  He was holding a backscratcher in one hand, and learing at the rubber ducky he held in the other.  The title of the tape was "BATH TIME - FIXING THE FUSSIES!" I thought I was going to faint.  Obviously, Fushigi was not the man I had thought him to be.  I fumed all the way home, and by the time I got there, I decided I was overreacting about the tape, but not about having to go pick it up for him and deal with that freak at the gallery! Therefore, I very considerately went to his office and left it on his video shelf between his copies of "THERE'S A BIGGER WORLD OUT THERE THAN MOMMY AND DADDY" and "BABY, I JUST CAN'T DO THAT TO YOU" (For the first time I wondered about the significance of those titles) and left the room.  But not before writing him a note that said: "I'M DISGUSTED DISGUSTED DISGUSTED! but THERE'S NOTHING I WOULDN'T DO FOR YOU... EVIDENTLY."