| How to have a GHETTO THANKSGIVIN' |
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| Wanna save money this holiday season? Wanna try something new? Are you sick and tired of in-laws telling you that your hard work slaving over an oven is a waste of time because it tastes like [explitive deleted]? Well then look no further! We, the MRO staff, have delved into the ghetto's of some of America's biggest cities (Philadelphia, Detroit, New York, Orlando, etc.) to compile the ultimate Ghetto Thanksgiving online cook book! Whether you're feeding pimps, dealers, whitetrash, crackheads... or just pissing off your loved ones, this is the PREMIER webpage on the internet for cookin' the meal that'll make you the shiznit'! |
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| ENTREES: Turkey and turkey- substitutes |
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| Ahh, the Turkey. It's the pivitol item on the menu, the edible object of everyone's affection. But everyone makes turkey the same lame way. We've listed some alternative methods! And sometimes they can cost a bundle, so if you're poor this holiday, why not check out our subsitutes? |
| - Jive Ass Turkey - Ingredients: Turkey Barbeque Sauce Baked Beans Hot Dogs Directions: Instead of using normal stuffing, slice up some hotdogs and mix them with beans... they'll do just as good in that bird's anus! Now spread BBQ sauce all over the bird while you're cookin' it. Nuff Said. |
| - Deep Fried Turkey - Ingredients: Turkey Grease, vegetable oil, etc. Whatever else you normally use when cooking a turkey Directions: For a twist, toss that bird in a deep fryer and watch that fat multiply! We haven't tried this one yet, but hey, it sounds tasty! (EN) |
| SIDE DISHES |
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| 'Nuff Said |
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B.B.Q. Bird
Ingredients 18-24 Small bird Carcasses, frozen Periodically (every 6 hours for low dog neighborhoods, every 3 in high dog areas) COLLECT from the ground below your window all the carcasses of birds who have mistaken your window for a new through-way, remove beaks and feet, and place bodies in freezer. Directions Combine birds and BBQ sauce in crock pot.
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| - Uncle Sparkey's "hook 'em while they're young" mashed potatos - Ingredients: 4 lbs. redskin potatoes Parlsey Sage 80g clean Crack 100g powdered snorting heroin Directions: Boil the potatoes until tender. Drain. Cut potatoes into 8ths (halves of halves of halves) While they are still hot, add 1/2 lb. of butter and whip. Add other ingredients following. You can sell these mashed potatoes in your neighborhood! Adults/ $18.50 Children eat free! (CZW) |
| Ain't Really Cranberry Sauce Ingredients: 1 Bottle of Ketchup 2 Packets unflavoured Gelatin 3/4 Cups water 1 empty can, approx. 20 oz. Directions: Combine the contents in the can, stirring until smooth. Put the can on the front-left burner on medium heat. Bring it to a simmer. Then refrigerate it for two hours. Excellent alongside Jive Ass Turkey and a 40oz. of Big Bear! (CZW) |
| - Kentuky Fried Thanksgiving - Go to KFC and buy a bucket of chicken! Afterall, this is a holiday, ain't it? Go treat yourself and your family! It may not be a turkey, but it (a) tastes better, and (b) is much, much cheaper! |
| - Stuffin' in the hood - Ingredients: Ritz Crackers 1/2 can clam chowder trail mix Directions: Place clam chowder in a bowl. Take 1 whole box of Ritz Crackers and smash them up into tiny bits. Then smash up some trail mix and blend it all together. Sound gross? You'll never know until you try! |
| DESERTS |
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| -Ghetto Bavarian Cream Horns - Buy some f#<king Twinkies (BB) - Ice-C - Get some gub'ment ice cream and mix it with Hi-C for a delicious treat! (YM) |
| -Hennessey-Peanut Sponge Cake - Soak $2 roadside- bought peanuts in Hennessey for three days. Buy sponge cake at your local grocery. Serve peanuts over sponge cake topped with a spoonful of Cool Whip. (EN) |
| - Glazed Corn Bread - Have yo' Grams bake up her special corn bread and glaze it with Aunt Jamima's Maple Syrup. (EN) - Hershey Highway - Buy a bag of Hershey bars (on the 50% off post-halloween rack) and melt them down. Pudding! |
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