june + july

august 10 - exams

what it is to burn - finch


you can taste my faithless blood
pointing down to my deep grave
corrupted by their blood lust
your path with corpse was paved


    as usual after classes we spend some time at the "tayuan" as we call it since "tagpuan" had been obsolete since. since shitty "coincidences". roj was there. same familiar face with a proud uniform. ha. he should be. he looks more of a will-be doctor than any of us.

    tomorrow's my pe but rats! ive got a chapter exam on organic chemistry and a long exam on anatomy lecture. and its just this afternoon that i took an exam on both analytical and organic chemistry, ive got a terribly low grades on both so still ive got to catch up.

    at last i finally returned the book ive borrowed from the library that's been overdues since june 10 and it costs me two hundred pesos.

    im thinking of dropping my calculus subject. damn. i dont think i can catch up with my grade anymore.

august 3 - haircut

3 libras - a perfect circle


save me


sweet voices
eternal kisses
they are seen
had been.

dreams drawn
from my mourn
kiss me one last time,
release me, no longer mine.

to let you go
to let me know
i just simply cant
i cant simply mend.

stare at space
to be hypnotized
to hide, yes to hide
no longer can i abide.

from my will
to lost my fill
breeding hatred
breathing has ended.

nothing is left for me
i lost what i can be
i am captivated, i am harmed
i seek refuge in your arms.

the mirror
my horror
i see no reflection,
no reconsideration.

release me
hate me
vindicate me
please, save me.


    a new haircut to start the week, or should i say, to start a new life.

    anatomy practical test tomorrow and a long quiz on organic chemistry laboratory. im trying not to sleep despite of my very short sleep during the weekends. i need this. i just hope i can concentrate and be ok tomorrow

    dad just arrived last friday, july 31.

july 29 - somehow

hold on - jet


with passion and desire

for the empty graves

lying beneath my empty heart

you can only give in


but hold the knife

see the burning glow

and live with shadows

you cannot let go


    my grip on writing seems to fade away. even so im quite better than before. i can almost feel the bliss that was meant for me yet there is a feeling of regret that keeps me pulling down somehow.

july 28 - hectic

what is to burn - finch


picture drawn from memories

without the frame to hold time

but stull played back

held back and watched

moving unrealistically

yet motionless

defying truth and reality

yet we were never there


    suddenly i was drawn back to my studies. i did my part on the report for organic chem and did assignments for analytical chem and reviewed for anatomy and physiology. whoa. gotta catch up with my grades.

july 22 - the letter

vindicated - dashboard confessional


The tide that quickly arises
From the bank of the river
Brought in a new wind
Heartless, impure and cold

Trapped in ice and in time
Enduring the endless horror
Of facing the inevitable truth
Staring at me face to face


     we got an email from dad yesterday saying that he will be here by friday next week. that's for the good news and the bad news is i recieved my analytical chem exam results and its worst than i expected. another addition to my collection.

    calculus came quite interesting today but complicated. oh, how i wish to be vindicated.

july 20 - absent

the greatest view - silverchair


*today's also jona's bday*


pawns hammered in wood

no noise should be made

while stalked by fearless brood

but we were already played


the angels lost their tongue

to the thieves that were never caught

whilst they spoke with the snakes fang

every word were heavenly poison


names were written in their grave

still they defy their death

saying they must be saved

even if it too much late


easily, they move mountains

and gather handful of rain clouds

they even play the evil grim

and they thought they were gods



    another absent, well not exactly. i went to analytical chem and math lectures then home. i still got english classes, which i fear ill get an FA, anatomy lab and organic chem lab which i skipped. i was not quite happy for my exam results in math. ahrg. another failure.


today's also jona's bday. too bad i cant celebrate with them. ive got important problems to untangle.

    im so much uninspired to write but i trying something about politics. you know, just trying to be patriotic somehow but i cant seem to write wholly. just came up with several less related stanzas. too vague? that's me i guess. i just want to go deep to the spirit of imagination and creativity with vivid words.

july 19 - result

minerva - deftones


*i do deserve it*


holding on to the old portrait

where we were held by fate

all fades in black and white

cant seem to have colors right


smiles fade

tears were made

laughter no longer echoes

within our rusted soul


it was only a picture

never will be our future

never again retook

exactly as we were shook


    i recieved my anatomy and physiology lecture exam as well as my organic chem lecture and with most luck i passed. but just barely. oh and i also received my first failed exam for analytical qualitative chem laboratory exam. grrr. oh well, i do deserve it, yes-yes.

july 16 - test over
reconsider everything - 311

*i still have to face consequences*


the trumpets of my insanity
started the chaos within me
as two forces faces each other
in the cold all ever-shudder

frozen in ice of the north
yet burning in demon's fort
i live with curse of ubiquity
gained every and all tragedy

im the wind who gathers rain
and behind the clouds in shame
i struggled to see the light
as i cautiously fades in the night

    at last my mothly exams are over. but i still have to face the consequences absences resulting to my VERY low grades.

    the whole weeks so much tiring. i had my sleep for just an average of 3 hours a day.

june 13 - sick
best of me - the starting line

*so much chemistry*

i thought i was going to be alright
When i keep you away from my sight
And even from memories i do refrain
What i felt for you still the same

    this week's our monthly exams. i didnt actually reviewed much last weekend since i bought some new titles for the ps2 and when its time for review i suddenly got myself into a bad-timing high fever. i was late for my anatomy examination last monday and shit, i did not finish the test. organic chemistry and english for yesterday were quite okay. it was quite funny in the english exam where i can hear people finding the correct stresses and pronunciations for the given words. and as for analytical chemistry today? dont ask. ahrg. maybe i can just shift to biology next semester so i wont be having so much chemistry. damn. not much to talk about, i just dont feel like writing this week. just want to catch up sleep. at least 5 hours a day but hell no, and still my grades were far below from average.

july 8 - shitty
bullet with your name - slipknot

*i need to get out of this life*

to the world, i lay to my grave
with unspoken words, i shout my angst
waiting for my path to be paved
with emeralds that can last

    my stomachs growling the whole day. i didnt have the time to have a breakfast since i woke up late. again. as usual. my classes from 7 to 7 today and i had my lunch break for only an hour and no more vacant period.

    tomorrows my monthly exam in anatomy so again less to no sleep. aah. i want to take a break from this life. even during the weekends i still have no time for anything since next weeks my monthly exams. cant even plan on my birthday tomorrow. useless. shitty schedule. shitty grades. shitty life. is this already the shit world? damn. the hell with the world. i need to get out of this life.

july 7 - shout
wait and bleed - slipknot

*this world is so much out of order*

she puts blood in your hands
summoning the demons inside
that long haunted her mind
waiting till it all subside

    i woke up an hour before my pe classes so i had to hurry. good thing that i made it in time. that fucking pe is so damn tiring yet i enjoyed it at the same time. im awfully sleepy the whole class and with my hair "scattered" as they say, but i would call it a laid-back hairstyle. just because i changed my hairstyle does that mean that im out of my mind, or im not alright. whoah. shut up fools. stop asking and just live your life.

    ow, i can see my self now on the way i write. its not that i am not alright but i felt like screaming. slipknot and deftones music helped me alot on that. i just woke up, and felt how my life, others, and this world is so much out of order. raaaaaaah.

    when i got home i surfed the web and looked for something that might complicate my mind more than as it is. and yes, i found something about satanism. that's correct satanism. growing up from catholic faith when i heard satanism i would undoubtly consider satanists as as antichrists or crazy people worshiping satan. yeah, you would probably agree but damn, we are all so much wrong. we are just been corrupted with close-minded fools who are so much in lust of money and power. i dont care what you think or what you want to say, SHUT UP! some of what ive read about them is that they do not really worship satan. but why would they be called satanists? its a religion like everything else just like buddhism, they dont worship buddha but still they are called so. still listening? ok then here we go, satanists follow what is correct to the majority of religions. they even treat children and animals as sacred. the only contrary part of their religion from the other big ones are that They believe that one should live out their lust and desires, and enthusiastically explore the "seven deadly sins" with other consenting adults. They believe that "no redeemer liveth" - that each person is their own redeemer, fully responsible for their own life. hey hey, you should listen to what i say, i am not saying that satanism or other religion are correct. im just saying that people should be open-minded even in religious matters. dont get me wrong. if you have any comments or arguments, use the tagboard.

july 6 - headache
echo - trapt

*this headache still cursing me*


there she sits lone momentarily
remembering the things that has been
staring at space that was me
our past is what she have seen

tears then cautiously passes
through her cheeks i once kissed
bringing the memories she misses
she bows her head and weeps
she wont let go

memories that brought forth a scar
where once fresh blood did flow
and created a one whole mar
that all teared us in deep sorrow
season converse

you kisses nothing but the winter
embraces were long past summer
and yes, i wont fall again
never again soaked in the rain

your kisses flames the whole winter
embrace me like the hot summer
you make me fall once again
give me courage to face the rain

    the day started with a headache. damn. i was late for analytical chemistry tempting me to be absent. im not so sure about the anatomy practical exam results. it was quite difficult. for me that is. what a headache. we planned to drink some hard stuff we brought for organic chemistry experiment but then again it was just a plan. its alright though. nobody wants to go home drunked and trying to unwind himself by going all-crazy.

    ill meet up with aries, bok and artus tomorrow for that jersey shit for pe. cant say much this headache still cursing me. aahhgg.

july 5 - almost
headup - deftones

*not for anything at all*

Time was stranded in sorrow
Left by the tears that flows
Though the pain still commends
I did hid and still pretends

    again and again and again she puts her head down and looks at me. i took a glimpse and saw a mix of pity and regret wandering within her innocence. i dont care anymore. she's not worth it. not worth of the truth. my suffering. and pains. not worth of anything at all. pity.

    i almost did good today. well as i said almost. i was not able to attend anatomy classes. but for once i did take participation in philosophy classes. reminds me of the days when i argue with theology professors about religion. it often took the whole hour till we finish. whew. i dont want to do that anymore since that prof gave me 2.25 despite i havent failed any of our activities and that i am the only one in class who. uhmm. *participates*

    enough of that and back to july 5. i have an anatomy pratical exam tomorrow so ive got to sleep early. let's say 10pm? whatever. gotta catch up some sleep.zzzz.

july 3 - the break
closing time - semisonic

*gonna see some of my old pals again*


the sorrow of the skies pierced my soul
and bared me of the chaos of my pain
one and with my body, i was mauled
now washed away by the rain.

let the wind take me away
and to a place i can recall
at last i can find a way
to fly amidst this rainfall
hear the birds singing their saddest note
and feel each song touch your heart
then find what you once sought
and you cannot break apart

    i just watched spiderman2. well, this is the only chance i got, my free time, so got to get on with it. its an ok movie. of course critics are right when they said it improves alot but then again i can really spot the difference of the computer-generated spidey from the tobey maguire's spidey outfit. but really that's no big deal though. spidey's been my childhood superhero. haha. ive read in an articel that the second movie will give out a clue of spidey's next villain. who could it be? there are lot of clues leading to different conclusions. venom. reptile. or maybe just hogoblin. maybe i'll have to wait for a year or 2 to find out.

    enough of spiderman and into the portal of reality. i bought a bag from penshoppe for antonnete's gift. whaddaya know? its her bday today and she's celebrating her debut tonight at max's. whoah. gonna see some of my old pals again. haha. yernan odracap beware of my return. hwahaha.

july 1 - quizzz
crawling in the dark - hoobastank

*this is hell*


i startled at one moment
i wish that had not been
when by you my heart will dent
and i that all i havent seen

    such a difficult day. ive got a quiz on each of my major subjects. analytical chem. organic chem. anatomy and physiology. my day started waking up after midnight to study. i just got 3 hours of sleep and my classes starts at 7am not until 7pm tonight. and with only an hour lunch break for the entire 12 hours. and still i cannot hope for high grades. i hate this kind of day. this is hell.