New!!!! DoggettClones!
If you like our MulderClones,
you're sure to love C4U HomeCloning Kits!
Each kit comes with all the test tubes, beakers, DNA,
and green ozzey goop you'll need to clone-your-own
in the privacy of your own home, room, or cell!!
More entertaining than home dentistry and
more educational than a home self-lobotomy,
our cloning kits are guaranteed to provide hours of fun and
learning!
Probably. ***
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| ScullyClones: So Versatile |
SkinnerClones: Military Precision |
Krycek Clones: For those in Denial |
Lone Gunman Three Pack: More *IS* More |
| Sure, your MulderClone is lovely, broods
attractively, and is great with the kids! But how to
occupy your spouse/significant other/annoying younger
brother while you're otherwise occupied explaining to the
MulderClone your insatiable need for whites that are
whiter than white? A ScullyClone is the perfect solution! Aloof, intelligent, and harder to please than Martha Stewart at a dinner party. You, you, you, she'll do everything for you. . .and if you're very nice, handcuffs COULD be involved! Seen here in Polished Professional mode. Others gorgeous styles available. |
Tall, bald, with clenched jaw and upright
bearing, this is a Clone for all those who need a little
discipline. What care you for the brooding beauty of the MulderClone, when you can have the surly pectoral god ordering you to *give me 20 good ones!* in the comfort of your own home? SkinnerClones come with dress shirts that lovingly caress their buff physiques, an admin. assistant, and a *thank you for not smoking* plaque that's so right with everything. Perfect for your sisters, your friends, your male compatriots with father issues, this Clone will mother, discipline, and/or ream on command! Order now, and receive a year's supply of Fruit of the Looms (sorry, boxers not compatible with this line). |
Not convinced of the evils of Ratboy? Still
believe that under that greasy hair and irritating
swagger beats a heart that will do your laundry without
protest? Well, just for you, we have, under great
pressure and with some serious misgivings, created the
KrycekClone. We have muted that evil edge and designed a
Clone with a darkly misunderstood mien, a pathetic,
confused manner, and issues galore! If *unpredictable, dangerous, and running with a bad crowd* sounds like your idea of the dream date, then this is the Clone for you! (one and two armed models available.) Sorry, no C.O.D.'s: we can't trust him, and we can't trust anyone who'd want him. |
Are you increasingly concerned about government
corruption, political scandal, and military profiteering?
Having difficulties with your hard drive, software,
and/or spy satellite array? Or have you simply always
wanted three other people on hand for a rousing game of
D&D, bridge, Twister, or *Pin the Blame on the
Co-Conspirator*? Then we have the Clones for you!
Talented technically, gifted with brilliant imaginations
and a sense of fun rarely seen outside of Three Stooges
films, the LoneGunman Three Pack provides electronics
expertise, hours of fun and diversion for you, and can
keep your MulderClone out of trouble while you're away
from home. A bargain at three times the price! |
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By special request-- DoggettClones Tall, lean, serious, dedicated, and not
Mulder. What else can we tell you about our exclusive line of
DoggettClones? Not much -- the man's private life IS
private. But that oh-so-desirable air of mystery doesn't mean he
won't make the perfect friend/companion/fill-in partner/potential
Lamaze coach. And does he look good in Kevlar? Oh baby! |
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| Ordering Information | |||
| C4U CyberStickers | |||
The XFiles is the property of Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting. Used without permission.
*** It's a parody, people, a
comment on wish-fulfillment, fandom, and post-consumer society.
Really.
Selling humans is bad. Very very very bad.