Reality Bytes

8/23/00
I will admit it.  I have no life.  I am a loser.  See I moved to this city in central Kansas, away from my Alma Mater, my friends, and old familiar stomping grounds.  I have to start all over again.  I have to find all the essentials a young professional needs:  a hairstylist, a place that makes good martinis, where all the kewl intelligent women hangout, a new gym, etc. etc.

Its a new environment with a different feel and vibe.  It seems much more provincial and conservative.  I'm in a community where if you say "Dim sum" people ask you if the lights are too bright.  I haven't met that many people who I would consider hanging out with on a regular basis.  So its goes without saying, my romantic life is about as active as narcoleptic convention.  My life has devolved into routines.  I get up.  I go to work, go to court and then go home.

However, what really awakened me to the sorry state of my personal life wasn't all of that.  It is much more horrifying.  It is what alcoholics and other addicts call "hitting bottom."  I am ashamed to admit it, but I must.

I am a fan of CBS's Big Brother.

It started innocently enough.  I saw a fellow Asian American made it on the show.  In this dearth of Asian males on TV (except for Mr. Sulu and Ensign Kim, wasn't DS9 the better show?) I rallied around Curtis, the chinese american attorney (I really identified with him).  I realized I had a problem when Curtis was up for banishment.  I screamed "Its a racial conspiracy!!"  "The 1st 2 men nominated, were people of color!!  Its da man holding us down!!"  I celebrated and pumped my fist in the air when Curtis was spared and Jordan the stripper was booted by America.  I tried to convince myself that I was celebrating the acceptance of Asian America.  But that was a lie.

Id race home everyday to catch my daily fix of Big Brother.  I check the website in my office at work, cursing the network for not allowing me the live video feed.  I rearrange my workout and eating schedule to watch the show.  I debated the merits of the house guests online.

God, I even phoned in to vote once.

I became addicted.   I am one step closer to hitting bottom.  But as Tyler Durden once said, "You're never truly free until you've lost everything."  Well, I think I'm freer than alot of the people I know.  But I'm on the track to recovery.  I have recognized my problem.  Today I celebrate my 3 day "sobriety" from Big Brother.  Wish me luck.

Now all I have to do is make it till the X-Files season premier...