| Let Us Welcome: Blorch |
| ASK AN URUK-HAI |
| Dear Blorch, I’ve got a big problem. There’s this guy watching my house. Normally I wouldn’t be worried but there’s this gambling debt I have yet to pay off, and I can’t help but think that my lack of prompt payment has made someone angry. How should I handle this? -Condemned in Colorado Are you some kind of idiot? Bah! This person watching your house is just a big slab of man-flesh begging to be eaten. Grab your scimitar and charge into battle! Dear Blorch, Due to the fact that President Bush is more interested in Iraq than his own country, the economy has continued down a death spiral and now I’m almost penniless. What do I do? -Penniless in Pittsburgh Maybe it would have helped to have a job in the first place, human scum. Running down sidewalks proclaiming the end of the human world and hoping for tips does not count as a job. Unless you’re me, because I AM about to end the human world! Dear Blorch, It’s come to my attention that Saruman let you back into the news. I know this because people have started cleaving their family’s flesh from their bones, undoubtedly due to your advice. I advise you to knock it off before I cut your bloody head off. –Aragorn ...I hate you. |
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| Staff Master Justin--Editor in Chief Baron Vince--Managing Editor Baron Ziegfeld--Copy Editor Ludwig--Editor Editor Kou Cao--Very Special Editor The Experts--Gatherers of Knowledge Billy-Ray Poole--Has A Family Tree That Doesn't Fork Uruk-Hai Blorch--Can Be Reached At blorch@isengard.com |
| Special Thanks |
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| Christopher Lee, for rocking as Saruman and Count Dooku. |