The Many Phones of T-Mau

This is a piece about my friend T-Mau.  For those of you who don't know him, T-Mau is an affable red-head who loves soccer, women, showing off his enormous nutsac, and drinking.  Todd is famous among the police in the town of Brighton, not because he's a bad kid, but becuase he always lets everybody come over to his house and they inevitably do stupid things there.  For example, when the cops caught us mixing cement at 4 in the morning and we told them it was for a physics project, it was in the street outside of Todd's house.  Or when Flemming and company got busted for smoking pot in their car at 3 in the morning and they told the cop they were waiting for a pizza, it was outside of Todd's house.  But there's much more to Todd than trouble and hot moms.       Todd is on his 9th cell phone in 4 years. You may be wondering, "How could this be?. What happened to phones 1-8?  Is it humanly possible to use 9 cell phones?"  Well, I'll tell you.

#1: The 120 The 120 was Todd's first phone.  He loved it.  He used to talk to all his favorite girls on this phone.  Then one day, in a fit of rage, Chris Jones pushed him in the pool while fully clothed and the phone was destroyed.

#2 The 120C Todd's 120 was replaced by the upgraded 120C.  Todd loved this phone a lot. Once Todd got drunk and threw a Christmas tree ornament at a car.  This huge dude got out and was going to kick Todd's ass, but he called me on this phone and I 'saved' him.  A design flaw in the antenna eventually led to this phone's demise.

#3: The 7860 This was actually Todd's mom's phone, but after the first 2 got wrecked she loaned it to him.  Todd didn't really like this phone a whole lot.  He traded it in for a new one.

#4 The 450 Todd loved this phone.  It was his date to the Junior Prom.  No phone has ever brought more joy to a human being.  It was decapitated when he fell out of a treehouse.

#6: The LGVX6000 T-Mau loved this phone even more than the V300, if that's humanly possible.  A more perfect union of phone and man has never existed.  When T-Mau finally lost his virginity at age 21, he called to tell me about it on this very phone.  Jones knocked it out of his hand one night and wrecked it.

#5: The V300 The V300 had a camera on it.  Todd used it to take pictures of his nutsac and hit on ladies.  He loved it even more than the 450. He got drunk and lost it, but it was recovered the next morning by a construction worker.  Todd got it back, but boy was his mouth dry the next day.

#8  The SCHN-330 T-Mau decided to try it again, and went for this hi-tech Samsung.  This is the same phone the cosmonauts use.  Todd managed to lose it during a 3-hour car trip from Rochester, NY to Meadsville, PA.  As a result, he got...

#7 The V60C After his long ordeal, Todd  temporarily settled for a less-flashy phone.  Good for him.  This is the same phone I use, and it's awesome. It's got all the stuff you need and nothing you don't.  Except the calendar.  And the calculator.  But whatever.

#9 The V60C Again!!! Yay!!!

people have seen Todd naked so far.

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