8 forward...

The essence of her being flooded his mind.

All Kamiana was. All she had experienced. All she wanted to be. It was as if her life was an open book upon which Goth could look through. Flipping throughout the pages of her mind. Such was one of the curses of telepathy. But one word flashed though Goth that fit how he felt about her life.

"Weak." He said.

Kamiana looked down at him. She had only moments ago introduced herself to this pale skinned man.

"I said you are a weak being," Goth said, "And a fool."

Kamiana felt uneasy with what the pale man was saying to her, "What do you mean," she asked, "I don't even know you."

"I know more about you than you may suspect, Kamiana," Goth said, "Such as your on going heart ache over the end of your relationship with the Novachron. And the feelings it has woken over Michael. And the death of your parents," Goth said, "Tell me. Do you still cry yourself to sleep at night?"

"How do you know about all of that!" Kamiana demanded.

Goth only smiled.

"Tell me what do you think you could have shared with the Novachron," Goth asked, "Did you dream that you would one day marry him? Give birth to his children? Spend the rest of your days in his loving arms?" Goth laughed darkly at this, "Mak is all but an immortal being. He will still be alive and young long after your bones have turned to dust. And trust me as one who knows him. He would have long forgotten about you."

"Mak loved me." Kamiana whispered fiercely. But deep down inside it felt as if the pale man was driving a stake into her heart.

"Love?" Goth questioned, "Maybe. Maybe not. But that was before Kadiya returned. True he may not look upon her with love at this time. But unlike you. Kadiya will live a very long life. She understands what it is to be a Novachron. But for you little Betazoid. You will never understand it. Your butterfly lives are so short to the likes of Mak. You meant nothing to him."

Kamiana felt tears welling up in her eyes. She turned and start to walk away from the table.

Goth stood up, "Is this how you face everything!' He shouted, "To run away and cry?"

Kamiana turned around. The tears were clear on her face, "Who are you!" she shouted back, "Why are you saying these things to me."

"I am only pointing out the truth to you,' Goth said, "That you will never stand a chance of winning Mak's heart as you are now. As a mortal."

"What do you mean?" Kamiana said through her tears.

Goth smiled and came around the table. He looked down at her.

"When the time is right I shall come to you and explain everything," Goth said, "Trust me. There are ways to become more than you could ever dream of." And with that Goth left eight forward.

Kamiana stood there looking after him, confused and hurt. What *had* the strange man meant? Who was he, how dare he say these things to her? Yet at the same time there was something almost compelling, a part of her that *wanted* to see this man again. *That* was most confusing of all.

Renee watched as the strange man talked to the woman, as she sat in the bar sipping her drink and heard bits and pieces of the conversation and did not like what she heard. First off the man was rude and gave off bad aura like something dirty and unclean and secondly he made the lady cry. Renee got up and walked over to the table where the lady sat and introduced herself.

"Excuse me for interrupting, but I am new here and you look like you need a new face to talk to. I do not know anything about this ship and the people here on board, I am newly assigned. Besides I need a friend that seems to know people on the ship and from what I just saw and what of the conversation I heard, you know some people on this ship, way too well."

Kamiana seemed not to notice the woman at first, then blinked, shook her head and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, it's just that--" she swallowed. "there's been a lot going on, that's all." She looked at her. "You're right, I don't think I've seen you before either. Lt Kamiana Tyrrel--and you are?" At least this one looked 'normal' (if that meant anything anymore), and not like something out of some nightmare.

"I just arrived on ship, I am Midshipman Shellian Renee assigned to the Engineering department. What Department do you work in? By the way, who was that strange man, he has such compelling eyes, I kept wanting to come over when he was here?"

Kamiana glanced off for a moment in the direction of the exit, then turned back to Renee. "I'm not sure. I think he must be new here, too. I'd never seen him before tonight." She broke off, not sure how to explain what had happened, she wasn't sure she understood herself. "And I'm assigned to Sciences. I'm sorry, I'm not giving you much of a welcome aboard, am I?"

Renee said "That's OK, it seems this man has disturbed you. Do you want to talk about it? I am a good listener."

"I'm just not sure how to explain it, I don't really know myself what just happened here. I've never felt that way about anyone before." she shivered. "One thing I can tell you about being on this ship, it's never boring."

The two women chatted for a while longer, eventually agreeing to meet for dinner the next night.

* * *

That same evening, elsewhere on board...

Paulos had had a bad feeling growing in the pit of his stonach since he left quarters that morning that only got worse as time passed. Emil had at least gotten up with him this morning, and seemed interested in getting out of the rooms they shared, but he had been told later that the Betazoid had canceled the language classes for the next week. The grief was natural, but it was so difficult to be there when Emil refused to let him help.

Paulos paused in front of their quarters, wondering if perhaps he should announce himself before going in. He shook his head a little and keyed the door open. The common room was empty and dark; the stillness was almost disturbing. He stepped over some of the pictures Emil's mother had sent, they were set up under the star and moon sculptures hanging from the ceiling, and went further into the room. The viewport allowed a little light into the room and he went to the couch beneath it for a few moments.

"Paulos? Are you here?" Emil stood in the doorway to their bedroom. He frowned a little before stepping closer. He looked away from the Deltan toward the holopics on the floor. "I was looking at the things my parents sent. They packed all of it before they-" He stopped again, unsure of what to say.

"Emil...I want to help you. Please talk to me about this. It might help, it might help you feel better. Please?" The Deltan stood and carefully made his way back to the Betazoid.

"No. I don't want to talk about it anymore. You have too many other things to think about already. I don't want to be a burden to you." His voice was flat, emotionless. Paulos took his hand and Emil didn't react; he stared at the floor still frowning slightly.

"But you could never be a burden to me Emil, not ever. I need you." He tried to open a channel between them and was refused. "I thought you knew that."

"I thought that I did too, but why would you need me? I'm only mortal. I'll grow old and you'll stay young and...and then why would you want me anymore?" He glanced up into Paulos' eyes briefly.

"I don't understand. I love you, why should that change?"

Emil sighed softly, his brow creasing. "When I'm seventy-five you will be seventy-six, but you will still look twenty-four. How can you say that you'll still want me? What if you don't? What if you stop loving me?" He moved away from the Deltan, looking out the viewport. "Maybe it would have been best for everyone if I hadn't contacted you again. I could have gone home to Betazed and then I wouldn't have to think about this."

"No, you wouldn't, but you probably wouldn't be thinking about anything...would you really rather be dead than here with me? Would that be the better choice?" Paulos stopped, his voice catching in his throat.

"Maybe. I'd rather die young when you still love me than to grow old alone. I'm scared...I don't want to live so long that I become disgusting to you, I don't want to know if you stop touching me, stop looking at me...I don't want to see you with others knowing that you want them more than you want me." He paused to take a deep, shaky breath. "And I don't want to resent you for not getting old. What if I start to hate you?"

Paulos went to him again, this time not letting him get away. He hugged the Betazoid tightly. "I do understand now. We can work this out, there has to be a way. There has to be something. I couldn't just stop loving you, no matter what happens in the future. We have our bond and that can not be broken by anything except death; even then it is likely that we will die together. I'm scared to die also." He tried opening a channel again and this time it was accepted. "We can talk about this again, I promise. Won't you talk to me about your family now? We can start searching for your sister..."

He felt Emil nod. "Okay. I'll try." That was all he could really ask for.

* * *

Afternoon, the next day...

Last night had been restless, haunted as so many nights had been lately by the anguished memories of her past--but now something else, someone else, had joined them and she didn't know why.

The image of that pale red eyed man kept coming back to her. The way he'd talked--she didn't want to see him, hear those words that had plunged knives through her, again, and yet she did. There had been something at once repellent and compelling about him..

She shook her head. Why couldn't she get that face, his words, out of her mind?? As if she needed more grief over Mak than she was already going through--but still there was something.

She took a deep breath and with effort tried to force her mind to something else, anything else. It had been only sheer determination that got her through her shift today, but now that was over, had been over for hours, and now...and now the emptiness was getting to her again (it had never really stopped, she realized, only faded when she was working, busy).

Kamiana wasn't sure if anything would help, now--only that she had to do *something* or go mad.

What, though?

Wait a minute. She hadn't been in the holodeck for a while. Not, in fact, since that night with Mak, shortly before she'd been kidnapped.

No! she couldn't think about that now, it still hurt too much.

There were other things one could do, but she didn't feel like going alone. Who could she ask, though? Catrin?? There'd been talk, once, of showing her Betazed.

No. That'd bring back too many memories of her parents--and besides that, going to see Catrin ran too much risk of running into Mak. (oh, how she *wanted* to do just that but she knew she was the last person Mak wanted to see right now. Though she still loved him and that made it hurt all the more)

She closed her eyes, struggling to push those feelings aside before she again succumbed to hysterical tears right here in the corridor, and with effort forced her mind back to the question at hand, of who to ask. Though from somewhere within her a voice whispered that she'd be better off away from everyone, she ignored it.

Myah? she thought after a moment.

Why not--she'd hardly said two words together to her outside of duty in a long time, maybe too long. Perhaps it was time to change that.

She didn't know. All she knew for sure was she needed something to escape the black mood that had haunted her for days now--had it been days? it seemed longer.

Well, if she was going to do this, she wasn't going to waste any more time thinking about it.

A few minutes later, she was walking into Science Lab One.

"Myah?" she called as she entered. It was late at night, so maybe Myah wouldn't be here. That thought faded a moment later with, "Kami?" came the voice a moment later from behind a pile of computer tapes and datapadds.

"You're still here?" Kamiana asked. "That's exactly where you were sitting when I left."

"I *do* happen to be the Chief Science Officer." Myah teased, hoping to snap Kamiana out of the black mood she'd been in the last couple of days.

"I know." Kamiana managed a slight smile despite everything. She rather hoped Myah wasn't going to argue about this, she wasn't up to dealing with that right now. "But sometimes it seems like you live in here." She paused for a moment and made herself go on. "Look, I was wanting to run something in the holodeck, not sure what yet. The thing is, I don't feel like going by myself, and Mak--" she cut that off and closed her eyes for a moment, not wanting to cry in front of Myah, "well, I'd like you to come, too. maybe a break would do us both some good."

"Kamiana..." Myah waved a hand at the piles of tapes. "there's so much to do..."

"There always is. Myah, please. I need this, and maybe it'd help you, too. Please?" Kamiana pleaded.

Myah looked at Kami for a long moment. She knew things had been rough for her ever since her abduction a month or so ago...and if something had happened with Mak (judging by the way Kami had closed up when that name had slipped out) well...

"All right." she replied, getting up and doing her best to straighten her rumpled uniform. "Any particular scenario you have in mind?"

"Not really, I figure we could just pick something at random." Kami answered as the two women made their way out of the lab and down the hall.

A few minutes of walking and a short turbolift ride and they were standing outside Holodeck One, looking at a list of possible scenarios. "Let's see," Myah began, now that she was here she was starting to get into this..."what about...*this*" and she jabbed a finger at one item on the list. "Ever been rock climbing?"

Kamiana shook her head. "Not really."

Myah clapped her hands. "Well, it's time you found out. Come on, it'll be just the thing...work out some of that black cloud that's been hanging over you lately, you know?"

Kamiana started to say something, then thought better of it. She didn't want to upset Myah, after all. And perhaps it would be the distraction she so badly needed. She nodded, managing a weak smile. "All right."

Myah finished typing in the program. DARYL's voice came, "Program established. You may enter when ready."

"Come on, Kami, let's go. You'll see--it'll be fun." Myah urged as the door slid open.

They stepped through, and a moment later the arch vanished leaving the two standing on a gravel and pebble strewn trail leading towards the base of a mountain topped by several tall craggy outcroppings of pitted grey/black stone.

The gear they'd need lay in two neat piles at their feet. Myah spent the next few minutes talking Kami through the basics of how to put it on and what to use when, and so forth.

Finally, with that out of the way, they set out. "I think we'll try the smaller one first, just till you get the hang of it."

Kami nodded, still uncertain about this but determined to go through with it, it had been her idea to come here in the first place, after all.

* * *

Meanwhile, in nearby space...

As the Defiant cruised along, something shifted nearby--an instant later, a ship was dropping out of warp.

On the Bridge, Mackowick barely had time to register the other ship's presence before it had opened fire, a single shot that only grazed Defiant before the shields went to full intensity.

Damn, Capt Bridges thought as Chad brought the attacking ship's call letters into view. The USS Axanar--yet another Federation ship on the list of those unaccounted for and presumed lost to the nanites. And its actions in firing on Defiant seemed to support that particular conclusion.

"Sound Red Alert. All hands to Battle Stations."

A moment later the klaxon echoed through the ship, and crew rushed to their assigned positions.

Except in Holodeck One, where somewhere in its relay system a circuit lay inert, fried by the power surge. As a result of that dead circuit, the alert went unheard by Myah and Kamiana, who continued their slow climb up the rockface. That same dead circuit had also prevented the holodeck computer from getting the shutdown order for non essential systems during alert.

* * *

On the bridge...

"Confirm no human life on board?" the Captain asked.

"Confirmed," Lcdr Longshadow replied.

"Phasers locked and ready, Sir." Chad put in. "There was a bit of a power surge when they first hit, but nothing our systems couldn't compensate for."

Bridges nodded. "Fire."

* * *

In the holodeck...

Myah held on to her rope with one hand, and reached to help Kamiana along. This was slow work anyway, but made slower now by Kami's lack of experience at this...not that they were in any hurry.

Kamiana pulled herself up till she was on eye level with Myah, then paused to catch her breath. "I am going to ache all over tomorrow." she said, finding herself almost smiling as she said that. "But you know, you're right--maybe this *is* just what I needed."

Myah chuckled, then opened her mouth to say something--

* * *

On the Bridge, meanwhile, the Defiant's first volley of phasers had crippled Axanar somewhat, but the other ship had still managed to get another shot off. Fortunately Defiant's shields were holding and Bridges didn't think it'd be too much longer before they'd have finished off the other ship.

As Mackowick launched another volley of phasers, Lcdr Longshadow noticed something. "Captain. Power utilization isn't matching Red Alert parameters."

"Explain."

DARYL interrupted at that point. "Captain, I am unable to shut down one nonessential system, its processor is not acknowledging. You will have to effect a shutdown of Holodeck One manually."

"Do it." Bridges ordered, Longshadow moved to implement the manual shutdown, but before he could...

At that moment, on the main screen, they could see the Axanar rocked by several explosions as their phasers hit--then it launched one more volley at them before it exploded. While Defiant's shields continued to hold, the shockwave rocked the ship...

* * *

In Holodeck One, at that moment, the rockface they were climbing rippled, then vanished, leaving the two women standing in a depowered cubicle of gridwalls.. "What happened...?" Kamiana wondered aloud.

"I don't know. DARYL, resume program."

There was no response.

"Arch!"

Still nothing. Kamiana and Myah looked at each other, puzzled expressions on both faces. "There must be a malfunction somewhere. Let me see," Myah muttered and looked around the grid, "where's that panel?" Finding the square she wa looking for, she ran over and began to fiddle with it.

* * *

As the glare of the explosion faded from view, Mackowick turned to Bridges. "Got them, Captain."

"Good work...Damage? Casualties??"

Mackowick and Longshadow both checked over their boards. "None reported," Chad put in. "Only minor damage to several systems. we were lucky. A few power surges, some fried circuits--wait a minute--we've still got--

* * *

That was when Myah got the panel off. Seeing the crackling of energy behind it, Kami reached to pull her back. "What in the--it's not supposed to be doing that!" Myah exclaimed, shrugging her off and peering closer.

Before Kami could grab her again, there was a flash as several overloaded circuits gave out, in a blinding flare that engulfed Myah (who'd still had her hand on the panel) for half a second before it vanished, sending her flying backwards.

"MYAH!!" Kamiana practically screamed, lunging to catch her before she hit the floor.

* * *

On the Bridge...

"We've still got what?" Bridges asked.

"There's been another power surge, Sir. Holodeck One."

"Damage control checks to all sections." Bridges replied. "There wouldn't have been anyone in there--"

"That is not correct." DARYL reported. "I show two occupants, Lcdr Wolfrom and Lt Tyrrel."

"What would they have been in there for during an alert?" Bridges wondered.

"The holodeck systems are still not responding, Captain." DARYL replied. "However there is an emergency call being transmitted to sickbay. Lt Tyrrel is requesting medical assistance."

"It's possible they never heard the alert," Mackowick said, his face pale.

Medical assistance? in the Holodeck?? Bridges asked himself. That could only mean that the damage DARYL had reported had affected the safeties... And if Tyrrel was calling...he wouldn't let himself finish that thought. "Get that shut down--and continue damage control, keep me informed. Lebin you've got the Bridge." the Captain replied an instant later, steering his hoverchair towards the turbolift.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But wait, there's

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