Rednecks
This page is dedicated to hard working Rednecks everywhere. It's still under construction, so if you have anything to submit, email me.
You know you have a Redneck HMO if:
The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
Directions to the doctor's office include, "Hang a lef when ye git to tha trailer park."
The tongue depressers taste faintly like Fudgecicles.
The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.
The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
Preventative coverage includes "an apple a day"
Prozac comes in colours and has little "m's" on each pill.
The only 100% covered expense in embalming
Lastly, Your viagra prescription includes a popcicle stick and some duct tape.
You might be a Redneck . . .
if you think the last four words in the National Anthem are "Gentleman, start your engines!"
if you think the stock market has a fence around it.
if you've ever used lard in bed.
if you've totaled every car you've ever owned.
if your Mama has ever stomped into the house and announced "The fued is back on!"
if you are holding onto Confederate money because you think the South will rise again
if you've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawnmower.
if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that ole 'coon what hangs 'round over yonder, back ah Bubba's barn."
if there is a stuffed opossum anywhere in your house.
if your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
if your Mama has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
if you've ever been involved ina custody battle over a huntin' dog.
if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
if your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
if you own 6 cars, but only 2 of them run.
if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a Hightech Redneck . . .
if your e-mail address ends in overyonder.com
if you connect to the world wide web via a "Down Home Page"
if your notebook has a sticker on it that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"
if when you installed a cell phone, you doubled the value of your truck.
if your wife told you "It's either me or the computer" and you still don't miss her.
if you've ever used a CD-Rom as a coaster for your beer.
if you fondly refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy".
if your screensaver is a bitemap of your favorite cow, truck, or tractor.
if you begin your e-mails with "Howdy y'all" or end them with "Y'all be good now, hear?"