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Wednesday, May 2, 2001 Time doesn't necessarily inspire change. I'm finishing up the Spring semester of my junior year and I feel just as I did as a freshman. Apathetic. Apathetic and messy. My brain is filled with a jumble of philosophies -- thoughts on how to live a happy life, thoughts that are not easily applied or are often misused. Self-criticism is a major hurdle in the path to happiness. It's hard to accept the feeling of inadequacy. This feeling, however, only comes when you try to interpret the opinions of others and take them as absolute truths. I am far from immune. Once in a while, you're able feel the complete euphoria of being at peace with yourself, loving who you are. I'm trying to reach that feeling again and make it permanent. I've learned not to worry. I don't even concern myself with the immediate future. It's not bliss, but I certainly feel the weight of stress lifted from my shoulders. It gets boring at times, though, having nothing to concern myself with. I'll soon find a remedy. (This isn't a complete contradiction of the previous paragraph -- trust me.) School blows. And the "real world" blows more than school does. The plan now is to graduate with a BA in English, a minor in anthropology and possibly a minor in Spanish. Then I'm going to meander around the world under the guise of English teacher, while secretly and futilely trying to escape the all-pervading constraints of society. Then, when I'm tired of moving and desperately missing the spoils which democracy and capitalism provide, I'll return to the States (maybe Northern California or something), buy a dog, marry a frustrated thinker and make babies. more of what Sarah's saying >> |
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