"One Flesh"
.July 1, 1999
Throughout my life I always dreamed of the day that I would fall in love and get married. However, I had many fears about relationships and marriage. I constantly struggled to believe that I could ever be loved just for who I was, not to mention, years after marriage. My dream was to be solid friends with the man I would marry for at least a year or more before we ever dated. I simply wanted to be sure that I was really loved just for me.
When I was 15 yrs old, I made a covenant to God that I would not date or go out with anyone unless I really believed that he was the one God had chosen for me to marry. I could never bare the thought of going through a bunch of dating and break-ups til the right one was found that I could trust my heart with. Although this decision did not always make an easy road for me, it was one of the most important and wisest decisions I ever made!
I met my husband, Roger, at the Harvest House's "New Years Eve Party" in 1996 (which at that time was known as New Life Mission). We were introduced to each other as we were about to play a game of doubles in "ping pong" - - as opponents. The next time we saw each other was in the beginning of February '97 where Roger joined a group of us that got together each weekend at a friend's house. From that week on, he hung out with us every week and from there our relationship developed and grew into a wonderful friendship.
By March of '97, I noticed Roger starting to have an interest in me. I didn't figure he was the one God had planned for my life; nevertheless, I deeply valued his friendship. By May of that same year our friendship had grown quite a bit more, but so did his interest in me. That month he shared with me for the first time that he felt he was beginning to fall for me. I had feelings for him also, but I had kept my feelings buried in denial due to the covenant I made to God, and thus convinced myself they were no more than just feelings of being flattered ...(and deeply flattered at best!) However, at times it became very confusing for Roger...and me... because of the mixed signals he was receiving.
Throughout time, I began to notice that the love that Roger had for me was deep, pure and sincere and it really began to melt my heart. When he would look me in the eyes all I could see was love. I never saw any lust or anything like that in his eyes (...and believe me throughout the years I was single, I became the queen of being able to pick up stuff like that). He shared how he felt about me only a couple times and then left the ball in my court and continued being a good solid friend. He never pushed or pressured me to make me feel I had to go out with him. He was different from all the other guys that ever had an interest in me. I could tell he really loved me.
In October of '97, Roger opened up his feelings to me for the second time, but this time it was a little deeper. He confessed he had fallen in love with me. At that moment my heart did a flip flop as I held myself together and continued to hold to my stance of "just friends"... still not believing he was God's mate planned for my life. On December 30 '98, (exactly 1 day less than a year from the day we met) I finally broke down and started seeing Roger. I knew I had broken my covenant and made the decision on my own. As a result, the conviction was more than I could bare and the relationship only lasted 3 1/2 weeks.
You see, God knew I had certain issues and fears about relationships that I needed to change before I got into one. I also had a lot of pre-conceived ideas of what my mate was supposed to be that needed to change as well. You see, because I had grown up in the church and was sheltered most of my life, I had a lot of fears of being married to someone with a different background than me. Roger did not grow up around a Christian environment like I did. (He met Christ after he gone through the drug scene, etc.) All these issues would have really affected our lives later on if my mindsets didn't change first. God simply knew I wasn't ready and that's why I never sensed His leading into the relationship with Roger at that particular time. Sometimes walking into a relationship before we're ready (or outside of God's timing) can be very confusing at the time and may even appear not to be God at all when it could be at a later time.
Nonetheless, after I broke off the relationship with Roger, it took at least a month before Roger could be around me to face the pain of the heartbreak. However, our friendship slowly resumed to where it was before. Although I thought it was permanently over at the time...God had other plans!
Over the next 7 months God continued to work in my life, preparing me for a healthy relationship and helping me to change certain mindsets, etc. that I had. By August '98, God literally made it clear to me that Roger was the love He had chosen for my life. He clearly told me 3 times to "stop running" and His words became like cement in my soul. I knew it was His voice. He then confirmed His words immediately with such a peace in my heart that I could not doubt or shake it. Before that moment, I was confused about my emotions being in line with God's will. Now I was goverend by sheer peace. At that point, I just knew that I knew that Roger was the one I'd spend my life with. That was an excitng time for me. We starting going steady shortly after that point.
We were married by July 1st, 1999. Yes, I married the love of my life and my very best friend. I am a very happliy married woman to this day! We have been married for 7 years now (as of 2006), and we just had our very first baby in 2004, with a second precious one on the way this July of 2006. Our marriage has been a beautiful experience and I constantly thank God for bringing Roger into my life. Our marriage has only gotten better throughout the years. I just love being married!
Although I've always been a strong believer in having a good solid friendship with someone before dating. Now we're both strong believers simply by personal experience. Not only does it give you a chance to know exactly what you're feeling, (whether it's love or just infatuation) but, it really causes you to have a deep appreciation for each other ...and your less likely to take them for granted later. I also believe a good foundation of friendship before dating is a great start to a strong foundation later.
Blessings!
Love,
Michelle / Mickey
