Captain Jack Sparrow, badass pirate, vs Don Quijote de La Mancha, Ridder of Evil
    "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..." The ditty blared through the Mount Hua arena's speakers as Captain Jack Sparrow came staggering in, cutlass in one hand, bottle of rum in the other. As one side of the arena cheered, the other half did not have to wait long for their hero to show up.
     "I am I, Don Quijote, the Lord of La Mancha, Ridder of Evil am I!" Alonso Quijana, also known as Don Quijote, galloped into the arena. Or at least, to him, he was galloping. In reality, Rocinante was slowly
clop-cloping
into the ring.
     "What's this? I have to fight a knight-errant?" Jack cocked his head to one side in confusion. Before he could take further action, Don Quijote launched into a long spiel of his own.
     "I am Don Quijote de La Mancha! Sir Knight, your armor is shiny and your sword sharp, but you cannot defeat me, for I bear the shield of Santiago de Compostela, the lance of Sir Gawain, the Golden Helmet of Membrino, and most of all, I fight for the lady, the inviolate virgin Dulcinea!"
     "A knight...well Mr. Quijote, I must say, it isn't every day that one meets a knight errant, and it's a shame, they're rather nice people. Odd, yes, but in a good way.
But I'm a pirate, and land rats don't fight water rats, savvy? So I'll just leave quietly, and you can have fun fighting in the name of your bonny lass."
     Don Quijote's eyes widened. His nostrils flared as his anger rose in him and sizzled like a spanish tortilla hot on the pan. "A pirate? Then face my lance, wicked thief and knavish fiend!" Urging Rocinante into a gallop, he charged at Jack Sparrow, lance at the ready.
     Jack merely sidestepped. Don Quijote then hopped off his horse and began fighting the pirate, mostly by swinging his lance like a staff at random places. "Foul knave! Thou shall know the fury of Don Quijote de La Mancha!"
     "Honestly, mate. You don't know who you're dealing with." Jack Sparrow grumbled.
     "To dream the impossible dream, to fight the impossible fight, is this not glorious and keeping with the utmost demands of chivalric code as becomes a knight?" Don Quijote swung his lance, only to have Jack Sparrow grab it and toss it away. Sparrow drew his sword.
     "You knights and your chivalry. There's only two kinds of things in this world, what a man can do and what a man can't do. You will remember this as the day you almost caught the famous Captain Jack - augh!" Rocinante had just kicked the pirate in the back of the head, knocking him out cold.
     "My Lord God watches over me, for he hath given my steed the cognition to strike my enemy and save his master. I dedicate this victory to you, O fair lady Dulcinea..."

Return to Tournament Listings