Botan's Stalker
by Reiko
Chapter 7
"You're really something, you know that?"
She gave a soft laugh as she snuggled closer to him. Koenma kissed her blue mane, his hands doing lazy circles on her thigh. He took a deep breath upon feeling the slight brush of her naked skin against his.
All right! He already admits he lost! He couldn’t help it! He just loves her too much! With that, he felt like cursing himself! He had already lost everything to this woman. His pride, his self-respect… all because of his love for her. If this is the only way that he can be with her without fighting for once, then so be it! She wants to play games? Then he'll play it with her even though knowing for the fact he had already lost.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too." She answered back.
/Sweet words now, meaningless tomorrow…/ He thought.
"Liar."
"You don't believe me?" She asked propping up on her elbows to look at him. Koenma shook his head. "You want me to prove it to you?" She asked playfully.
"I'm… tired…" Koenma replied slowly. With that she laughed. He laughed as well. "Well what do you expect?" He exclaimed.
"I'm tired too, you know…" She said settling her head back on his chest once again.
"And so why don't you just lie back down and cuddle with me, okay?" He asked, putting his arms around her.
"Mmm… I think I'll just do that." She murmured closing her eyes. Koenma gave a satisfied sigh as they lay there cuddling each other quietly. Then after a moment, he spoke.
"Be here when I wake up?" He asked.
But all he received was the deep, regular rising and falling of her chest against his' indicating that she had already fallen asleep.
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"Ohayou Gozaimasu, Koenma-sama!" George greeted the next morning upon seeing his boss sauntering inside the office.
Koenma acknowledged him with a slight nod and directly settled himself on his chair, automatically taking one document from the pile before him.
"I trust you slept well, Botan?" He asked without looking up from his reading.
Botan looked up at him and instantly she felt her heart gave a jolt. Well who was she kidding anyway? It was always like this. Koenma made her feel like a silly school girl
every time he would walk inside the room, his hands in his pockets, the way his right hand would rake against his hair or the way he would slump himself on his chair, sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose… The way he carries himself, heck even the way he yells.
Attracted?
Yes.
In love?
Such a strong word and yet… She shook her head instantly remembering Sayuri's words.
"This marriage will make him happy, Botan. Do you want to see him happy?"
"It will just complicate things." Her mind shouted. On the other hand, she heard her heart screaming, "You're so stupid, Koenma! If you love me just like you told me the other day then why don't you fight for me?"
Suddenly she felt someone tugging her arm. She turned only to see George beside her.
"Koenma-sama just asked you a question!" He hissed. She nodded her head.
"H- hai." She replied hastily. Then she turned back to George. "I-- George I have to go and sort the documents in the other room."
Then without a word she hastily walked towards the door and stepped out of the office leaving George frowning at her sudden uneasiness and Koenma solely preoccupied with his work.
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"And this one goes in here." She instructed the young ferry girl. "No, this one goes here. This is how filing's done, wakatta?"
"Hai, senpai!" The girl said eagerly reaching for another document. Botan smiled watching her.
"Good! You sure you can do it alone now?"
"Hai!"
Botan laughed and ruffled the young girl's head fondly, remembering her training days with Ayame. Now that she thought about it, she actually missed her.
"You're learning pretty fast."
They both stopped upon hearing a male voice before them. Koenma smiled and handed a bunch of newly signed documents to the girl.
"Perhaps I could now entrust you with this?" He said. The girl looked at him with surprise, obviously shocked to actually find the Prince of the Rei Kai talking and smiling at her... and actually asking her to do something! Personally!
Botan cleared her throat as the girl slowly took the documents from his hands muttering out a faint 'Hai, Koenma-sama.'
"Thank you." He said graciously. Botan stood up.
"Well I think I'll leave you for a moment, all right?" She asked as the girl turned to her. "I'm sure you can manage by yourself. I'll be back shortly."
Then without a word, she exited the room leaving Koenma staring after her.
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It was already near to sundown when Botan finally made up her mind. She gave this a lot of thought. This time she won't hold anything back. She will do what she thinks is right and… say goodbye.
Reaching Koenma's office door, she paused momentarily and took a deep breath. Summoning all her courage, she knocked once before opening it. She poked her head inside only to find him standing by the veranda, his back to her.
"Koenma-sama?" She called softly, walking inside and closing the door. Koenma turned to her, his expression unreadable.
"Aren't you supposed to avoid me?" He asked coldly. "You think I don't notice anything? You've been avoiding me for the last couple of-- "
"Are we going to fight again?" She asked softly. With that, Koenma stopped. He turned away from her and focused his attentions back to the setting sun. Botan approached him slowly.
"I've thought about everything." She began, her words almost a whisper. "Koenma-sama, if this is hurting you, its hurting me more."
"What do you know about being hurt anyway?" He answered back.
"I... know because..." She stopped inches away from him. "Because of the fact that everything's too late for us."
Koenma took a sharp intake of breath as he felt her head resting against his back, her hands clutching his shoulders.
"I've realized everything now. There is just no sense in hiding this. I can't really fool myself or you." She whispered. "I love you... Koenma"
He turned to her, his hands cupping her face, forcing her to look at him. Golden brown eyes met teary lavender ones as they stood there in stony silence. Finally, he spoke.
"Stop playing with my heart, Botan, please." He said. Botan's chest constricted with pain upon hearing his words. So he doesn't believe her?
"I- I'm not playing around. I love you, I really do."
With that, Koenma let go of her and stepped back.
"Then why can't you just pick one reaction and stick with it, damn it!" He said loudly. Botan looked at him stunned. He paced back and forth, her eyes following his every movement.
"You are driving me insane! You are warm the next moment cold-- "
"W- what do you mean? I don't-- "
"You don't know? YOU don't know?" He answered back. "What about those nights that we-- that we-- "
"We what?"
That does it! Koenma stopped before her, his eyes flashing with anger.
"I love you Botan but that doesn't give you the right to do this to me." He said.
"Koenma-sama I--"
"You know what? Maybe we are both crazy?" He spoke walking towards the door. "This is crazy. You're crazy, I'm crazy..." His voice trailed after his leaving figure.
Before Botan could speak, Koenma was already gone.
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/"Didn't I tell you I'm gonna get you?"/
Botan snorted as she sat inside her room, grateful for the darkness. "So what else is new?"
Laughter.
Botan felt her skin crawl upon hearing the scary mirth inside her head.
/"He doesn't love you... he loves me..."/
"No... no..." She began softly, tears falling from her eyes.
/"Why can't you get that inside your pretty little head?"/
"I said-- " Then she stopped, her eyes roaming around her room. She gave a bitter laugh. First she was rejected, and secondly she's whining again...
"He's right. I'm going crazy. I'm talking to myself." She thought.
/"No, you're crazy to think that he would even love you..."/
"This is insane! I'm insane! Everything's insane! This has to stop…" She thought standing up and walking towards her dresser. Smiling faintly, she fished out something from her drawer.
/"You think you can stop me?"/
Botan gave a humorless laugh as she brought it down her skin. She closed her eyes, as she felt sharp seething pain running up her arm. She snorted. How can something as painful as this make her feel better? Somehow running the sharp blade against her creamy wrist was able to release all the pain that Koenma had caused her. The rusty smell of blood now wafted to her, her head feeling light, the voice getting vague. She knows that it would be too late if she sleeps but at least it would rid her of the annoying voice… Just where do dead deities go anyway?
Laughter.
It was the last thing she heard before plunging into darkness.