Koenma glared at her. "I'm not obligated to do anything. That's not my line of duty. I have my own work to do. "

"What do you mean you're not obligated?" demanded Masago. "I thought you made it clear to each other last night how you feel? I thought..."

Koenma turned his face away from her angrily. "It doesn't matter what or what didn't happen last night," he said. "It doesn't matter at all."

"Why?"

"Why?!" He turned back to her. "And I thought you're smarter than Botan."   He shook his head in mock exasperation. "I'm marrying you, remember?"

"Don't you want to marry someone you love?"

"Unfortunately, that option isn't exactly open for me. And neither is it with you."

"Oh, yes, it is!" Her expression challenged him to belie her words.

"Do you actually think you can fight them?"

"Yes. And I will. You should, too, for Botan."

"Botan, Botan! Why do you keep on dwelling on her?"

"She's what I came here for, remember?"

"Look, whatever my feelings are for her, it wouldn't matter."

"You're right. It doesn't matter. My point is that someone innocent is going to jail."

"We've been through this. We have to let justice take it's course."

"Justice? Do you think I don't know how justice is in Reikai?"

Koenma scratched his head impatiently. "If I tell you my feelings for her doesn't go beyond platonic, will you leave me alone?"

"So all that happened last night was for a show?" she accused. "You were probably a part of the conspiracy, the conspiracy to frame Botan so that Reikai could escape from one of it's scrapes again."

Koenma banged the table. "I would advise you to choose your words with care Madam," he said in a carefully controlled voice. "I am the Prince of Reikai."

"And you're supposed to be a man!" Masago snapped back.

"Whatever I try to do, it won't work out."

"Sniveling coward! So that's it?"

"Look, I'm just a servant. I am tied to the throne. Fine, I was born with privileges few people could even imagine, but attached to them are specific obligations."

"Hah! You're just too cowardly to fight for what's right. Marrying her wouldn't interfere with your so-called obligations."

Koenma groaned. "Here we go again."

"Fine. Fine." Masago sighed helplessly. "I guess you really just don't deserve her," she said curtly. "And this." She took out a folded piece of stationary from her bosom and tore it repeatedly. She scattered the remains over her shoulder as she exited.

Koenma glared after her. "How about you? Can you do anything?" He stood up defiantly.

Masago stopped momentarily, arching her head to glare back at him probingly. "Perhaps not," she admitted. "But at least I do something. I'm getting her out myself." She stomped off.

"That's against the law. You'd get in trouble, too."

"I already am in trouble."

She was gone.

Koenma flung himself back on his seat and an assortment of profanities rushed forth from his mouth unabashedly. The curious mob that had gathered at the doorway of his office stared at him in shock. Previously, they believed that such words cannot be found in their great prince's vocabulary.

"By Enma," said one to his companions. "And this is before their wedding. How will it be when they're married?"

"I'm telling you," said another. "Two hot-tempered bluebloods in one roof is big trouble."

"I don't know," said a purplish blue oni. "It's kind of entertaining."

"Yeah," agreed a ferry girl. "Sure beats the monotony."

Koenma glowered at them in return to their ogles. "What the hell are you doing?" he yelled. "Go back to work and leave me in peace!"

With that, everyone scampered out of the office, leaving the steaming dragon inside.

"You don't understand," he muttered dejectedly. "Nobody does." He rummaged in his desk, searching for nothing in particular. He came upon the diary and began reading to relax himself.

May 1

Ahhhh... Spring is in full bloom and everything is simply ravishing! And guess what? It's the end of the eighth month. Just one more month and the child shall be born.

You should expect a lot more entries in here later. The royal physician had forbidden me to work and had me confined in my chambers. He said my condition is far too fragile for me to be able to stand long hours at the office. I feel fine though, and very excited.

I don't know about him, though. At least he has the decency to inquire about my health once in a while. His visits are scheduled, too. I think he treats it like one of his appointments, as if it is an obligation he has to fulfill. I didn't expect him to let me have my leave either. I don't really blame him, though. He does have a lot to do and thus needs my assistance badly.

Right now, the only thing bothering me is worry. I worry about the work I left behind. I worry the rest of my life will be nothing more but work. I worry that someday my child will have to start working at an early age and also work like mad for the rest of his life. I even worry he might not be the one to ascend the throne.

Alright, so there is boredom as well. I've taken to listening to my chambermaid's incessant prattle. Through her, I find out about the outside world. (I'm locked up in the castle, remember?) Unfortunately, they're just gossips. Sometimes, I sit in court to snatch some bits and pieces of news. I don't really know what's happening to the rest of the kingdom I help rule.

Mr. Kumagai is going to be a father soon as well. Forgive me, he already is a father. Catalina, for sure, has two boys. Kumagai is hoping for a girl this time. But honestly, I'm not-

         

Wait a minute, thought Koenma, snapping to full attention. Catalina? Sounds familiar.

He flipped furiously through the previous pages.

"Impossible," he muttered. "It must  be a coincident."

Unbelievable indeed, but there it was written clearly.

         

Catalina Grey and Yoshio Kumagai.

It was as if the world as we know it turned topsy-turvy. Koenma felt as if he was a black hole and the world was rushing towards him and smothering him out of existence. He groped at the table, his other hand still clutching the dairy of forbidden secrets. Cold sweat trickled down his temple and dropped into the parchment, smudging the neat lettering.

The realization was too stunning, but he still didn't believe it. He rushed on, flipping pages at a furious pace. He continued reading in spite of himself.

-sure about his claim of the child. Never mind.

Catalina and I had a lovely chat today. It was rather prim and, well, torturously formal. At least we warmed up after a really cool reception on my part. I just couldn't keep a grudge against a person for too long. Maybe I'm just too good. What do you think?

I'm not really sure why she came. Perhaps, it's because Kumagai told her to. Maybe Enma-sama himself did. It doesn't matter anyway. I was glad of the company.

You might think of me as a weird callous woman. Imagine, I'm actually fraternizing with my husband's mistress! But what the heck? it's like a deformation in your body. It's unpleasant but you have to make the best of it. It is for the good of Reikai.

Anyway, we spoke about our babies. Or rather, our future babies. Catalina, like Kumagai, wanted a female child also after the two consecutive boys. She wanted to name her Masago. It's such a nice name, isn't it?

If mine's a girl, I'll name her Isa (Old German), short and sweet. It means "strong-willed one". She'll be queen one  day and an iron will she's got to have.

What if it's a boy? Vladimir (Old Slavic; royally powerful or famous)? It's quite fitting for a ruler, isn't it?

How about Shanahan (Old Slavic)? It means wise sagacious one. Those indeed are qualities needed by a ruler.

And Ronan ( Irish Gaelic). The name means "little seal". The name makes me laugh. I can almost see him stamping piles of paper with his little seal.

Look at me. He hasn't even set foot on this world and I name him for his future duties. So maybe, I should name him Tristram (Latin Welsh) or sorrowful labor. I, for one, know the work entrusted to him even as he is being formed is not easy nor desirable. I can attest to both by my observation and experiences.

Hmmm... Then I shall name him Bran (Old Celtic). It means raven. The raven stands for many things. Like the phoenix, it is a symbol of continued life or rebirth. As the prince of Reikai, he shall witness firsthand the mortals' trek through this journey of life. He, on the otherhand, shall have to suffer an even worse life of ceaseless work.

I think the raven is also a sign of wisdom and keen intuition. I hope he'll grow up to rule as a great king. May his reign be remembered forever as one of great reform and prosperity. And joy, of course. I'm sorry if I seem to be imposing so much expectation on an unborn child. They're  just a mother's  daydreams. He'll get real ones ( lots of it) later on.

For me, the raven also stands for strength, courage and fortitude. These I believe he really needs. Believe me he does, and I hope with all my heart that he'll have lots of them.

You may be wondering why I had lots of names for a boy but only one for a girl. I personally would like a girl but I know somehow that it will be a boy. I can feel it.

 His majesty of course flatly refused to even consider them. He said they were cheap Ningen names. His son shall have the name Koenma.

         

Koenma could have sworn his heart stopped. This is my mother's dairy!? His thoughts questioned the heavens silently. No!

He squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath, then released it in a long raspy sigh. He braced himself.

"I need some more proof," he said aloud. Then, he began reading again.

May 12

Do you remember the time I said I doubt Kumagai's claim on the children of Catalina?

First and foremost, I want to make it clear that it is not jealousy that makes me think this way. As I said, I am not jealous for myself but for the child. But there are rumors whispered among the inhabitants of Reikai. I'm afraid I'm quite inclined to believe it.

There are "if's" and even more "why's". I have to admit I'm starting to like this investigating thing. Of course I can no longer do my research in the archives (even a snake can get lost there). I rely on my ears and the ever wagging tongues of my ladies-in-waiting and chambermaids.

You know I didn't marry his Highness willingly. (Of course I wouldn't marry a viper like that!) We were forced.

The king and Miss Catalina had long been in love, as I mentioned before. Enma-sama had been wanting to marry her for ages. Enma's father, then the king, flatly refused.

I didn't understand it before. Catalina is a noblewoman. She came from an illustrious family. When it comes to anomalies, the Greys may not have a spotless slate but they're ancient and influential. She was at the time, the only living Grey aside from her father.

Now, one of the brighter sides of being queen is having access to the archives. There, I found out why my father-in-law was so against Catalina. But before that I'll tell you what happened to us.

I was forced by my family to marry his Highness. I was then on my way to the Northern provinces to study the souls of aborted children. Of course, I refused. Firstly, I wanted to concentrate on my career first. Secondly, I don't even know the man I was supposed to marry. I had no choice in the matter though, just as he has none.

My family is an ancient line of nobility. We were also powerful and influential like the Yoshios and Greys. It's only natural I had many suitors back then. However, I chose to study. My father became displeased. For him, it wasn't right for a woman to have too much education. He believes we belong in the household, nothing more. He readily agreed to my father-in-law's proposal to marry me to the heir to the throne. Who wouldn't? Think of the prestige and wealth!

Catalina, too, was forced to marry Kumagai. It's quite strange even then. Kumagai is his Majesty's best friend, his devil's advocate, his shadow. He does everything Enma-sama tells him to do. Until now, he still does.

This is what I found out about the Greys. The ancient family apparently has its roots in Makai. The youkai genes in them has become recessive through the passage of time. However, the combination of their genes with those of the royal line proved disastrous.

It happened once before. A Grey married one of the former kings and had a child, a youkai child who had the ability to control the mind of others.Only a few people are resistant to the child's powers. Those of the royal family and Althea, a Grey herself.

The youkai grew up and slowly took control of the whole kingdom. He expanded the territories even at the cost of countless lives. It caused war between the three worlds. In fact, they say a very advanced race that lived before the current inhabitants of Ningenkai was wiped out. I can see even now, even after the passage of millennia, the enmity existing between us.

They say all these stemmed from something even deeper and older. They say at the dawn of this world, the royal family and the Greys were cursed. The union of the two families will unleash destruction, strife and acrimony throughout Reikai. There will be one in a generation, the one they call Doom, who shall bring all this.

The Chaos Bringer shall only be appeased once a sacrifice is made. One of the Greys, one named Althea (healer) shall have to shed blood. Then the Doom's reign of terror shall cease and he shall perish in a violent death.

Althea, they say, was a beautiful girl,. She had snow-white hair and big royal blue eyes. Rumors had it she had a husband and a son. Nobody knows what happened to her afterwards or whether her line survived.

I've known this story before as a childhood fairytale and so has a good many generations before me. We didn't know it had historical basis. I didn't believe it to be the real cause why my father-in-law forced me to marry his delinquent son. That is, until I read the account I had shared with you just now.

Sometimes, I want to cry whenever I get reminded of that. Imagine! My life was ruined because of a myth, because our ruler adhered to obsolete beliefs and superstition. But I have to admit, those stories still made me afraid sometimes.

Back to the Kumagai issue, I'll tell you why I don't think he fathered the first child. Catalina gave birth to that child five months after her wedding with Kumagai. How did that happen?

Kumagai couldn't have sired the child since they practically don't know each other. They were forced to marry, remember?

It has to be his Majesty.

It's amazing how I'm writing all these so calmly. Yes, I do realize how much danger this may pose to my child but I swear I'd protect him. Heir or not he shall not be harmed.

Knowing the silly superstition they believe in court, I realize how impossible that is. They will not allow Catalina's child to ascend the throne even though he's the rightful heir. And so my child is safe. Still, the fear remains.

Isn't it sad? We four were just pawns of fate. We were all victims of circumstance. So whenever I feel self-pity starting to gnaw at me, I remember Catalina, Kumagai, Enma-sama, their child, my child, and I realize: I'm not the only one who suffers.

Koenma was still coughing. He had choked on his own saliva a while ago after he read the part about the illegitimate child.

"That means Yoshio Atsumori is my brother," he gasped. "He's the rightful heir to the throne. He's the one who should be called Koenma. I am a mistake."

The mistake was torn into two contradicting emotion. One was almost sadistic glee. He was free! The weight of a whole world that rests on his shoulder was not his responsibility after all. The other horror and pain.  This is all too shocking a revelation for him: all these people involved, hurt; his father cheating on his mom; the fact that he was an unwanted child, his conception merely a duty to be fulfilled. And now he realized that a part of him doesn't really hate the idea of being king someday.

His head was reeling, the confusion worse than ever. His stomach, retching and being squelched. His heart, his chest hurt as if it was being squeezed and minced mercilessly. Even his spirit, if it was possible, aches. Every cell of his body was screaming in silent agony. Still, he read on.

May 21

Forgive me. I had promised I'd write more often but I guess my illness took its toll.

There is no denying anymore. I'm weak. I got sick but though the disease itself has left my body, it has left me weak and fragile. The doctor was afraid I might not be able to make it after the birthing with such strenuous labor. My little raven might have to grow up without a mother.

This may be my last entry for the time being. It's hard to see properly and my fingers cannot hold the pen for too long. So this is a goodbye old friend. I just wanted to write a last confession. It isn't mine. It's Catalina's.

Catalina has been my sole companion through out my sickness. She took care of me and kept me company even as she stepped on the fifth month of her gestation period.

No, she wasn't sucking up. I don't think anybody asked her to do this. It was as if I could see right through her. I know precisely why she's doing it.

A few days ago, I told her exactly what's on my mind.

"Listen," I had said. "I can't tell you that you have no reason to be guilty because you do. But don't berate yourself. It's all our… well, we all contributed something to this problem. Besides, we're all victims of circumstance. In a way, it's not really our fault. I can't say that I don't feel any hard feelings against you because I do. But I thought if I hate you, then I should hate myself also."

I didn't expect her reaction. I thought she would also tell me of her resentment, of her pain, pain that I caused when I "stole" her love. But it was actually the opposite that happened. She burst in to tears and prostrated herself at my bedside.

"You're too good, your Grace!" she cried. "Too good for your sake. Please don't spare me. I have sinned a thousand times against you, against your child, against the whole of Reikai. I deserve the due punishment."

She confessed to me the ill-fortune of their relationship and then the illicit affair, things I already had known about even before then. Her guilt finally overcame her passion when she found out I was carrying a child. It was then she broke off her relationship with the king.

She asked my forgiveness though she didn't expect any. She just wanted to show her repentance. She wanted to tell me everything because I have a right to know.

She said it simply, without much elaborate explanation. One phrase summarized everything she said.

Yoshio Kumagai is incapable of reproduction.

I suppose you, too, understand it. And to you my son, if you ever get to read this, understand that I have never been totally indifferent. I hope you'll be a stronger person than us your parents and not to make the mistakes we did.

And remember my darling Koenma, Prince of Reikai, I shall always be your mother and you shall always and forever be my Bran.

This was the last entry of Tamara Lavonia, Queen of Reikai before she died. This of course is evident in the succeeding pages void of writing. And she certainly isn't here now.

She is fortunate for what may have been her death wish has been granted. Her son is indeed wise and sagacious. But is he strong enough? Time will tell sooner than expected.

Koenma leafed through the next pages, all empty. He clutched the diary to his heart, letting the tears fall freely.

"Thank you, mother," he whispered. "You saved me from making the worst mistake in my life. But what if it's too late?" He shook his head astutely. "No matter what happens, I will be strong, mother. I promise."

 

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