This is a story that is so very
hard to begin. Well it begins over 9 years ago. My husband and I
married on December 1, 1990. We decided right away we wanted children and
began "trying". After a year and no children, we got
concerned. Initial testing showed slight problems with both of us but
nothing that would prevent either of us individually from getting
pregnant. However, the two of us together made it extremely difficult -
we were classified as a sub-fertile couple. After 4 years of testing we decided
to continue to a point with infertility treatment and also to adopt.
Which ever proved successful first.
Well June 22, 1995, I received an emergency phone call while at the infertility
clinic receiving a round of Clomid. It was my husband Jamie, the adoption
agency had a newborn infant born the evening before on June 21, 1995 did we
want her? Trinity Anne came into our lives at 4pm on June 22, 1995.
She weighed 6 lbs 6 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. We began adoption
steps and during the process we discovered she had a sibling brother just 16
months older than her that was also available for adoption. Of course we
took Aaron into our lives, he was 20 months old. Now we had out children
and were complete.
Never using birth control we never expected to ever conceive. Some kind
of miracle must have been in the air in August of 1999. Discovering
that I was pregnant was a complete shock to the entire family. My mom
bought a second pregnancy test and watched me take it to make sure.
Initially we were scared, due to some scaring around my tubal area I'm at high
risk for tubular pregnancies. Our doctor immediately scheduled an
ultrasound at 6 weeks. Holding our breath we watched, there he was safe
and sound in uterus. Just look at his strong heartbeat. My doctor
was so excited. Here comes the morning sickness. I suffered greatly
with extreme vomiting. I lost 21 lbs, but was excited because I had a
solid pregnancy. After the first 3 months, I relaxed. I lost a
child to early miscarriage when I was 19 years old. Now at 32 and wiser,
I was scared but hopeful. We made it through the danger zone (or so I
thought).
We spent an uneventful Thanksgiving with family and friends. Making plans
for the baby's nursery. After returning home from an exhausting week of
visits we decided that Christmas would be at our home. On November 30,
1999 at 18 weeks 1 day, I sat down at my computer and felt a gush of
fluid. I called my doctor right away, expecting that my bladder was
leaking. He sent me to the hospital to be checked out. So off
to the hospital I went, Jamie and the kids stayed at home. I didn't
expect it to be anything much, no reason to wake the kids. I continued to
leak fluid on my way to the hospital, but no cramps no pain. The nurses checked
me out and I tested negative for amonic fluid but it definitely was not my
bladder. My doctor arrived shortly, same results. I remained
overnight for observation and referral. I called my husband. The
next day I began to bleed and thought this was it I'm losing my baby. We
didn't even know what he was yet. My specialist arrived the next day
ordered an ultrasound to check the fluid level. So after 20 hours of gushing we had our second ultrasound.
Hey fluid looks great, no visible rupture, and placenta looks fine - by the way
it's a boy. No doubt, he was peeing. Well my specialist was happy
and wanted to compete a fern test to confirm that it was indeed NOT amonic
fluid. Well when testing me he saw the gushing fluid, immediate
concern. The fluid looked exactly like amonic fluid, the fern test - well
it was negative also. I had both doctors scratching their heads. My
specialist decided to play it safe and treat me as if my water broke.
Strict bed rest, weekly follow-ups until I reached 24 weeks. He did
advise me that with a full bag of water I had a good chance of resealing if it
was a rupture.
The next week, I ended up in the hospital again. Heavy bleeding, my
doctor checked my cervix - closed. After 2 hours the bleeding stopped,
and I never experienced any cramping or pain. They ordered another
ultrasound, no water. I had continued to leak all week but nothing like
the first two nights. After consultation they decided that I ruptured on
November 30th and was only leaking out the fluid the baby was making.
Well when I remained stable I was sent home again. The game plan was for
me to make it at least to 23 to 24 weeks on bed rest at home at which time I
would return to the hospital when they would more aggressively attempt to save
Cody.
You see after that first week, I
cleared a really big mountain. Most women,
whose membranes break prior to the onset of labor, follow with labor within the
first 72 hours. Of course my doctors
did not tell me this until I passed the initial 72 hours. My doctors were hopeful; that I would
continue to remain stable and give Cody the much needed time. Another week went by and I started to spot
again. This time at least it was during
normal business hours. One of my
doctors partners check – I was still okay.
The bleeding was being caused by an irritated cervix. All the ammonic fluid leaking out was
irritating my cervix. Went to see my
specialist. Still no water, but heart
beat looks great. Just hang in
there. Well this went on like this with
3 additional ultrasounds at my doctor’s office. My last doctor’s visit was Dec 23. Okay one more week before they began treatment to save Cody just
hang on.
On Christmas day I woke up with dull lower back pains. I was aware that
it was probably labor but I was hoping no. The doctors would not stop
labor or delivery due to the high risk of infection. Once labor started
Cody's time was up he would be born too early or not. I kept my mouth shut;
I didn't want to ruin everyone’s Christmas. By 10pm that evening it was
obvious labor. I still did not tell anyone I just prayed to God to hold
off until tomorrow, not Christmas day. At midnight I woke everyone
up. My contractions were 3 mins apart. Off to the hospital we
went. At the hospital my cervix was still closed. Hopes were that I
would take at least two weeks to open.
Labor slowed a bit after they gave
me something light for pain, and an ultra sound was ordered early the next
morning. At the time I was not told,
but Cody was in distress during the contractions. But the nurses were all so attached to us (we had been in and
out that entire month); they were all saying you know some women stay in labor
for a few weeks. They were grasping as
straws I know, but it was nice to have them so hopeful. My white count was elevated that morning –
not a good sign. It was a signal of
infection and Cody couldn’t stay in there with an infection. It was most probably the reason for labor.
Our luck had run out, labor began
to speed up around noon. Cody was born at 4:32pm, at 22 weeks. When he was initially born I did not know
what to expect. I didn’t expect him to
survive very long – you figure a baby that cannot breathe cannot live more than
a few minutes. How wrong was I. After about 20 mins and the torture of
having to make the decision to let him die.
Yes, we were asked. The doctors
all recommended that we allow Cody to pass away if he was born before 24 weeks. They stated any attempts to revive him would
only prolong his life by a few short days and he would suffer greatly. His little organs were just not mature
enough. Well when my little man came
into this world they surprised him by weighing over 1 lb. The neonatal nurse is trained to attempt if
the baby is over 1 lb. The hardest
words I ever had to say were to let him go.
I was asked if I wanted to hold him and to my surprise he was still
alive. He was such a tiny little boy,
but already you could see that he had my long fingers and his daddy’s
chin. He also had my feet.
I was so afraid that I was hurting
him while I was holding him, so fragile he seemed. He made several attempts to gasp for air. I just wanted to hug him so tightly and
kiss him but I realized any of those actions may have caused him discomfort and
I just wanted his life to be as painless as possible. I had to give him back to the nurses, because my placenta would
not come out.
Doctor made several attempts to
manually remove my placenta – I was not given anything other than shots that
dulled my wits for pain. Anyone who has
survived through this procedure knows what I’m talking about. I can only said it made a terrible ordeal
horrific. I will never allow a doctor
to attempt that procedure again. My
husband was distraught, I was screaming praying to God to just take me. While my son was dieing not 4 feet
away. Finally, my doctor realized
that she could not pull the placenta out and I was rushed for an emergency D
& C. I don’t blame my doctor for
trying I’m sure she wanted me to be able to spend time with my child.
Cody lived until approximately
8:30pm. His father remained with him
until his death. I woke up in recovery and my angel was gone. He
blessed our lives with his presence.
Cody, mommy and daddy love you so very much. We will hold you safe in our
hearts until we can hold you in our arms again.
Love,
Mommy & Daddy
On August 20, 2002 we added a new member to our family. Ryan Matthew was born full term. In fact we had to induce and the doctor HAD to break his water!!! Click here to see photos of Ryan.
