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DEAREST SON---
I'M WRITING THIS SLOW BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN'T READ FAST.  WE DON'T LIVE WHERE WE DID WHEN YOU LEFT HOME.  YOUR DAD READ IN THE NEWSPAPER THAT MOST ACCIDENTS HAPPEN WITHIN 20 MILES OF YOU HOME,  SO WE MOVED.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEND YOU THE ADDRESS,  CAUSE THE LAST FAMILY THAT LIVED HERE TOOK THE NUMBER WHEN THEY LEFT,  SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR ADDRESS.
THIS PLACE EVEN HAS A WASHER MACHINE.  NOT SURE HOW WELL IT WORKS.  LAST WEEK PUT A LOAD IN AND PULLED THE CHAIN.  HAVEN'T SEEN THE CLOTHES SINCE.
THE WINTER COAT YOU WANTED ME TO SEND;  UNCLE JOE SAID IT WOULD BE TOO HEAVY TO SEND IN THE MAIL WITH THE BUTTONS ON,  SO WE CUT THEM OFF AND PUT THEM IN THE POCKET.
AUNT EDIE LOCKED THE KEYS IN THE CAR YESTERDAY.  WE WERE REALLY WORRIED BECAUSE IT TOOK 2 HOURS TO GET ME AND YOUR PA OUT.
YOUR SISTER HAD BABY THIS MORN,  BUT DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET,  SO DON'T KNOW IF
YOUR A AUNT OR A UNCLE.
ALL FOR NOW!
FROM YOUR FAVORITE MA
*SONG - MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEZE
MOOCOWZ