Xxx: hi
MrSelfDevelopmnt: hello
Xxx: are you for real? or is your profile a joke?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very for real
MrSelfDevelopmnt: why..does it sound funny to you..?
Xxx: oh ok... i didn't wanna sound stupid asking this question then
Xxx: no
MrSelfDevelopmnt: it's cool
Xxx: umm... ok this is kinda weird
Xxx: n/m
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I have heard it all..so..it's ok
Xxx: i want to stop worrying about my b/f cheating on me
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's not weird at all
Xxx: and i want to get over my past... sometimes i think i have.. but then i think about it so often
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand....
Xxx: and it interferes with some of my relationships that mean everything to me...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: those feelings can trap us and keep us from moving on
MrSelfDevelopmnt: what are you really afraid of..?
Xxx: what do you mean?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you feel good about yourself?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: are you happy being alive
Xxx: yeah
MrSelfDevelopmnt: good
Xxx: i feel okay about myself...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but something must hold you back
Xxx: i realize i'm a person... just like everyone else, but I’m a unique individual and i have my own special qualities
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yes..we all do
Xxx: i don't know what's holding me back
MrSelfDevelopmnt: something you must be afraid of...something is keeping you from moving on..tell me about your b/f, and why you think he is cheating on you
MrSelfDevelopmnt: there are lots of things that might keep you from moving on..as you said..the past..what happen to you..the fear of loosing your b/f...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: unresolved issues
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and only if you make peace with yourself..and learn to let go ..then will you be able to be more happy and at ease
Xxx: my situation over the summer was that i had a really odd relationship with someone over the internet.. he lied to me about his age, and he turned out to be 32, he came to visit me.... and persuaded me to do things with him and my parents turned him over to the police...i went to court and everything... i felt really alone b/c my family was blaming everything on me... they would tell me i jeopardized the family...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: well..that sounds pretty intense
Xxx: we were offered a plea bargain...
Xxx: and i took it... it was not fun going through court
MrSelfDevelopmnt: how old are you??
Xxx: i guess.... what could be holding me back is i never had anyone to listen to how i felt
Xxx: 16
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's very true
MrSelfDevelopmnt: expressing your feelings is I think the first step in getting better
Xxx: i tried to talk to my b/f, and he said it hurt him for me to talk abotu my past
Xxx: so i stopped
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
Xxx: everyone else was concerned about the rest of my family fiding out about this situation
Xxx: finding**
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yeah..
Xxx: is this too much for you?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: oh no
MrSelfDevelopmnt: not at all
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I love listening to people
Xxx: i tried committing suicide twice
MrSelfDevelopmnt: dang
Xxx: when i was 13 and 15
MrSelfDevelopmnt: well...you did not suceed
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and I am very glad
MrSelfDevelopmnt: dang..I mean....you could be dead right now
Xxx: we were building a house... and it was stressful for my parents and they often fussed at me for no obvious reasons... so i felt it was my duty to die
Xxx: i know
Xxx: that's why i'm grateful to be alive
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but you are not...take that as a sign
MrSelfDevelopmnt: good
Xxx: i was admitted to a mental institution this summer... and it helped alot
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
Xxx: i'm not psycho or whatever... i had intense depressional problems that i couldn't deal with alone
MrSelfDevelopmnt: understood
Xxx: during my life.. i always felt like my parents never wanted me around... my mom would always tell my violence was not the answer, and then she'd hit me if i did something wrong
Xxx: so i was confused during my childhood alot
Xxx: i didn't understand why she was hitting me if she said it was wrong
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's terrible
Xxx: she said that she was the mother, and she could do what she wanted
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you probably though at one point that it might have been your fault
Xxx: i did alot
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I know
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but now you know different
Xxx: i always questioned why my mother didn't have an abortion
Xxx: yeah...
Xxx: i'm thankful i'm here
MrSelfDevelopmnt: it was not your fault at all
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and I am thankful too
Xxx: b/c when i have kids... they'll never go through whati went through.. i'll prtect them... but not shelter them
Xxx: you know?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but what do you mean...not shelter them..?
Xxx: keep them from learning about their environment
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand that
Xxx: such as... drug problems
Xxx: i want them to know how severe they are if they’re surrounded by that (this is just an example)
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
Xxx: well... that’s a bad example
Xxx: lol
Xxx: I don't want them to be naive about the world
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's good
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand what you are trying to say
Xxx: ok
Xxx: about my b/f... we've been together almost 6 months... and i'm always so afraid i'll lose him
Xxx: i care so much... and i know i'd be nothing without him
Xxx: he helped me see who i was, and how special i was
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you feel kinda dependent on him for love and security
Xxx: yeah
Xxx: i don't want to be dependent
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good
MrSelfDevelopmnt: it takes time
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and lot's of work
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but you can learn
Xxx: i know
MrSelfDevelopmnt: to depend on yourself more
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and more
MrSelfDevelopmnt: to the point
Xxx: i have faith in myself
MrSelfDevelopmnt: where you have become independent
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and self reliant
Xxx: i'll brb
MrSelfDevelopmnt: k
Xxx: k
MrSelfDevelopmnt: reading your profile
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very interesting...so …you are into music
Xxx: yes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you compose music..?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: is that true
Xxx: yes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: my dad was a composer
Xxx: i'm not very good
MrSelfDevelopmnt: of classical music
Xxx: amateur stuff... i'm learning though
Xxx: that's really neat
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but you enjoy it...that's all that matters
Xxx: yes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: music is the language of the soul
Xxx: makes me feel great when i finish
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I bet
Xxx: i fool around with my guitar alot
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's great
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I would love to learn playing the guitar
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but my fav instrument is the piano.
Xxx: i've only been playing a little over a year
Xxx: i wanna learn piano next
MrSelfDevelopmnt: cool
Xxx: i'm starting to draw alot
Xxx: it's starting to become a hobby
MrSelfDevelopmnt: great
MrSelfDevelopmnt: expressing yourself more
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good
Xxx: i think i'm a better writer than anything else
Xxx: i've been writing since i was 11
Xxx: or 12... can't remember
MrSelfDevelopmnt: can I read some of your things sometimes..?
Xxx: sure
Xxx: you can now
Xxx: i have a webpage with a few on there
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you have talent
Xxx: thank you
Xxx: those are just a few of many
Xxx: i have 4 notebooks
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you seem to be very beautiful on the inside
Xxx: thank you
MrSelfDevelopmnt: just the truth
Xxx: if winston churchill were alive, i'd like to meet him
Xxx: that was random... but... haha
MrSelfDevelopmnt: lol
MrSelfDevelopmnt: not by means of formal education
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I always was fascinated about life and people
Xxx: so was i
Xxx: i used to read a lot on psychology... books and whatnot
MrSelfDevelopmnt: was..?
Xxx: it was fascinating
MrSelfDevelopmnt: it still is
Xxx: i'm not so intrigued anymore
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
Xxx: you page is really cool
MrSelfDevelopmnt: thanks
MrSelfDevelopmnt: read some of the convo's I had with people
MrSelfDevelopmnt: they are really intrerestring I think
Xxx: i will
Xxx: you're german?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yep
Xxx: that's really neat
Xxx: do you believe someone my age is able to love?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: sure
MrSelfDevelopmnt: of course
MrSelfDevelopmnt: love is the essence of life
Xxx: my mom believes I’m full of it
MrSelfDevelopmnt: full of what..?
Xxx: i've always thought that
Xxx: junk
MrSelfDevelopmnt: she does not understand
MrSelfDevelopmnt: try not to hold that against her
Xxx: i'm not
MrSelfDevelopmnt: good
Xxx: my mom is around your age
Xxx: my dad is like almost 38
Xxx: i think sometimes they act as immature as i did
Xxx: not like adults
MrSelfDevelopmnt: lol
Xxx: they treat me as if i'm inferior
Xxx: no... seriously
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yeah
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you gotta hate that
Xxx: i know they're my parents
Xxx: yeah
Xxx: the whole "because i said so, and b/c I’m the mother... i can do what i want"
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I always hated that
Xxx: my dad is so whiny, and expects everyone to bend over backwards for him... and when i want him to do something for me... like lunch money.. he complains he won't have enough to eat with... and i usually suggest him going to the bank
Xxx: then i get yelled at for suggesting the bank
MrSelfDevelopmnt: lol
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
MrSelfDevelopmnt: adults can be more childish than kids
Xxx: yeah.. sometimes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and soooo unreasonable
Xxx: we all can be unreasonable to a certain extent
Xxx: some people cross the line
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
Xxx: anyhow
Xxx: can you speak different languages?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: german of course
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and a little french
Xxx: i speak a little french too
MrSelfDevelopmnt: cool
Xxx: my grandmother is french
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I see
Xxx: i'm french-irish
Xxx: it's pretty cool
MrSelfDevelopmnt: great
Xxx: i'm going to print the relationships part of your page, and let my b/f read it
MrSelfDevelopmnt: lol
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you do that
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and the love part
Xxx: he always says nevermind
Xxx: i hate that...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you gotta teach him
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yeah..I hate that too
MrSelfDevelopmnt: or when people say
MrSelfDevelopmnt: whatever
Xxx: i want to know everything about him... and him to feel comfortable telling me
Xxx: ugh
Xxx: can't stand those words
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I understand
Xxx: i'm extremely open with him... b/c i don't want there to be anything he doesn't know
Xxx: he isn't the same
Xxx: he has a hard time expressing his feelings.. but i understand that point of him... and i make a point not to pressure him
Xxx: you know?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yeah
Xxx: do you like art?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I love it..I think life is art
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you know
MrSelfDevelopmnt: poetry in motion
Xxx: so do i
Xxx: wow...
Xxx: so do i
Xxx: i love nature... like monet captures everyday things, and makes them appear on canvas as the beauty they appear as in his mind
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I love picasso
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and monet
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and
MrSelfDevelopmnt: chagall
Xxx: picasso is awesome too
Xxx: i like degas too
MrSelfDevelopmnt: if that how you spell his name
Xxx: i have no idea
MrSelfDevelopmnt: chagall is just lovely I think
Xxx: renoir too
MrSelfDevelopmnt: yep
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and van gogh
Xxx: yeah... i've seen some of his artwork
Xxx: yes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: great
Xxx: tolouse latrec captured the can can dancers at the moulin rouge in france and made them intriguing in his paintings
Xxx: i think i spelled that wrong
MrSelfDevelopmnt: close enough
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you sound like such a lovely, talented and interesting person
MrSelfDevelopmnt: life has soo many great things in store for you
Xxx: i'm an amateur photographer as well
Xxx: thank you
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and let nobody tell you anything different
MrSelfDevelopmnt: only you know what you know
Xxx: :-)
Xxx: thanks
MrSelfDevelopmnt: sure thang
Xxx: you're a really great person to talk to
MrSelfDevelopmnt: thanks
Xxx: am i confusing you?
MrSelfDevelopmnt: oh no
MrSelfDevelopmnt: not at all
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you actually make more sense than most people I talked to
Xxx: that's cool then
Xxx: i feel that i'm ahead of my years
Xxx: sometimes it's an advantage, sometimes it's not
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I think you might be right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I feel the same way
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I feel so frickin wise..it is disgusting
Xxx: haha
MrSelfDevelopmnt: lol
Xxx: sometimes i feel like that
Xxx: i don't fit in well with peers because my point of view on life is so different
Xxx: people at my school want to drink and party and have sex and curse and carry on, and they think it's ok to drink and do those things... they think it's ok to talk back to teachers
Xxx: but they don't see the big picture, and don't think about their future
Xxx: my high school is a big party school
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you sound very mature
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and a dream of every parent
Xxx: most of the time someone will say something really...umm... stupid to me, and i'll end up making them feel stupid for saying it, then they talk trash b/c they don't like how i made them feel
Xxx: haha
MrSelfDevelopmnt: righht
MrSelfDevelopmnt: people are weak
Xxx: like... people will walk up and call me a "bitch"
Xxx: because they're friends with others that have had run-ins with me... yadda yadda yadda
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and they can not stand when someone is showing them how weak they really are
Xxx: yeah
Xxx: i tend to do that... show someone's weakness
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
Xxx: there's alot of immature name-calling and people making fun of others
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and then they call you names
MrSelfDevelopmnt: cause they cannot think of anything else
Xxx: i like to get in those conversations... make them feel bad for saying things
Xxx: then they get angry... cause i pointed out their childish name-calling antics
Xxx: i can't stand it when someone pick son someone else b/c they're not popular or don't wear the right clothes
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I agree
MrSelfDevelopmnt: did you see that thing on TV about bullies
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that was just soo sad
Xxx: i get anything in any store that i like, is comfortable, and cheap
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but it happens al the time
Xxx: yeah
Xxx: i did
Xxx: it does... and it's sad
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and we say that is part of their nature
Xxx: no...
MrSelfDevelopmnt: how silly
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and wrong
Xxx: they can help it
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I know
Xxx: they can refrain themselves from doing that
MrSelfDevelopmnt: but we put the emphasize on learning the wrong things
Xxx: society tries to find ways to blame others for the problems we have
Xxx: like... school shootings... directed at music and tv
Xxx: i usually tend to be open minded and tolerant of everyone
Xxx: everyone is different
MrSelfDevelopmnt: right
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you are really a smart girl...I just read again over what you said...and I must say...I am impressed
Xxx: oh... thank you
Xxx: no one has really ever said that to me
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you are gona make a wonderful mom one day
Xxx: must be the orange juice
Xxx: lol
Xxx: thanks
MrSelfDevelopmnt: anytime
Xxx: that really means alot
MrSelfDevelopmnt: just the truth
Xxx: well... i have to thank you
Xxx: from talking to you... i feel alot less worried
Xxx: i dunno how to explain it
MrSelfDevelopmnt: that's great....
Xxx: about my b/f cheating
Xxx: i feel less worried
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I mean..if he is..yeah..so be it
Xxx: that's how i feel right now
MrSelfDevelopmnt: I mean...you are a truly great person
Xxx: if it's meant to be... then it's meant to be
Xxx: thank you
Xxx: so are you
MrSelfDevelopmnt: and any guy can call himself extremely lucky to have you as a g/f
MrSelfDevelopmnt: ;-)
Xxx: that's what my b/f says
MrSelfDevelopmnt: wel..time will tell how much he means it
Xxx: exactly
Xxx: you're a really awesome person
Xxx: i've gotten so much out of my mind and off my chest
MrSelfDevelopmnt: well thank you
Xxx: it really feels good
MrSelfDevelopmnt: great
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you made my day by me being able to help
Xxx: that's good then
MrSelfDevelopmnt: very good
Xxx: i g2g
MrSelfDevelopmnt: ok
Xxx: thanks for talking to me :-)
MrSelfDevelopmnt: you take care now
Xxx: i'll see you around
Xxx: you too
MrSelfDevelopmnt: anytime
MrSelfDevelopmnt: ;-)

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