All
my life I have been fascinated by people, trying to understand the motivations
behind their behavior. Thru my personal studies I have come to understand that
whatever people do or say has a reason. Regardless of how strange or seemingly
unreasonable a person’s behavior or line of thinking is it can be understood if
seen in right frame of reference.
I realize that we human beings are emotional beings first and foremost, and
while we put a lot of emphasize on academic and social achievement, production
and competition, how a person reacts or responds to external stimuli is mainly
emotional. Our experiences (and our responses to them) greatly shape, if not
determine the way we how look at ourselves and life in general. The
conversations below capture some personal stories of people and their
struggles:
(All
conversations are printed with the exclusive permission of the person I was
talking with)
· This was a very important
conversation with a young lady who felt that very unhappy and depressed over
being criticized by other people. A lot of very important questions came up
during this talk, like what does it mean to develop oneself, and how other
people’s opinions and viewpoints can negatively affect one’s self image (and
what can be done about that). Click here.
· This person gave a lot of
weight to what other people thought of her, even to the point where she felt
that her thoughts did not matter. She was very apprehensive to me telling her
that the feelings she gets from other people have only very little to do with
who she is as an individual. She had a difficult time with the fact that a lot
pf people are not very honest and open about their
real thoughts and feelings, and she seemed to have developed the idea that she
is not valuable and important as a person.
Click here.
· The second time I talked to
this individual, she expressed how she is a product of how other people are
reacting to her. We talked about how all her life has kept her true feelings
and emotions hidden inside for fear of not wanting other people to know who she
really is, and how this got her to think more in terms of how other people see
her, than in terms of who she is as an individual. Click here.
· During this conversation, the
same problem came up that the previous person expressed, namely being
misunderstood and judged by others, and how this negatively influences ones
self-concept. The girl I talked with experienced some serious problems being
accepted by others due to her sexual orientation. We talked about that her
worrying too much about how she looks in front of other people keeps her from
being her true self, and that while she can not change other people, she can
make some significant changes in how she is dealing with how other people
respond to her. Click here.
· This man had some problems
during his life dealing with social anxiety and acceptance. Due to some bad
experiences, he has a difficult time trusting people and opening up. He had a
history of alcohol abuse and very low self-esteem. During this specific conversation, he
realized how dull, boring and closed up he has been all his life. This was a
truly eye opening experience, not only for him, but also for me. It reminded me
how so many people live their lives locked up inside, and that this is exactly
that which we need to develop on, the person we are on the inside, regardless,
or in spite of the obstacles in our lives. Click here.
· A very sad story about a
young girl who tried to fit in, who was told when she was very young that she
was fat, and therefore developed an obsession with having the perfect body
type. Her parents are pretty strict; she does not sleep a lot, does not eat
very well, and works out all the time because, as she said, she wanted to get
skinny. She was definitely not a very happy girl, who got angry at herself a
lot, and who seemed to be very frustrated and disillusioned. Click here
· This young lady had a very
bad childhood, always feeling that her parents never wanted her around. She
tried to commit suicide a few times, and was admitted to a mental institution
after getting involved in a very bad relationship with someone she met over the
net, someone who took advantage of her. We talked a little bit about her
parents and what she did not like about them. I also spent a lot of time
listening to her about what she likes to do, and I found of that this person
was a very gifted and talented individual. Click here.
· At the beginning of this
conversation, this young lady was very sad and at the verge of crying, but she
tried to keep herself from shedding tears because she thought of crying as a
sign of weakness. Later on, she asked me about God, and why he would allow for
people to have sex before marriage. Basically she felt unwanted and unloved by
her parents, and translated this into God having made a mistake with her. I
spent a lot of time with her talking about this, and the fact that God would
want her to love herself, regardless of her difficult personal situation. Click here.
· Another very sad story about a kid
not receiving any love from her parents, and being terribly confused over not
being the result of a healthy, two parents environment. This young girl never
really met her dad, but stopped caring after he stopped writing to her on her
11th birthday. The conversation begins with her telling me a dream
she had about her parents, and she continued about a very traumatic experience
which let to her mom taking her away from dad at a very young age. She
expressed a lot of her anger and sadness over all of this, especially since her
mom did not want to have anything else to do with her dad, even while the
daughter still cared for him. A tremendous amount of pain and sadness came
across during this conversation. Click
here.
· This was a talk I had with an older gay
lady, who was concerned about her relationship with her girlfriend. A lot of
interesting points came up during this conversation, like how it is possible
for different people to show their love for one another in different ways, and
while it is not possible to change and control another person, you can learn to
be more honest and open with your partner, and by doing that find out if this
is a relationship worth staying in, or not. Click here.
· This very nice
elderly gentleman I had the pleasure of talking to at several occasions. He
endured a lot of hardship
and abuse in the past, and as a result of that was very
depressed. During one of our talks, we chatted about some of
his past experiences and some general views about life. This
was a very important talk since some very important
issues and ideas came up, Click here.
· When we met again, we talked
some more about how our response to whatever happens to us creates our reality.
· The last time we talked, he
expressed his concern over how difficult it is to be real, and how depression
has caused
him to withdraw more and more, Click here.
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