I've been here awhile and I've started getting used to things. I am supposed
to be able to go home June 2, but I've heard the doctors talking and they
think that I should stay a few weeks extra. I don't want to stay here. I
want to go home.
There's something that I really wanted to talk to you about. It's been
bugging me for awhile. About a week ago Mrs. Hentson came in with my folder
but she got called out for something and she accidentally left the folder
there. I wasn't suppose to look in it but I just couldn't help it. Inside was
a list of all the different tests they had given me with a lot of notes
written by the doctors. I started reading the notes. They were pretty boring
actually. They were all about my pictures that I drew. Then I flipped to the
sheet that had my schedule of tests for the next few weeks. I was written
down for something but it was crossed off. Underneath, one of the doctors had
written in, "Begin testing for split personality on Monday."
I can't believe that! Do they really think I have a split personality? I'm
two different people? How could they think such a thing? I'm just me.
Oh. I forgot to tell you the even weirder part. Some of my pictures that I'd
drawn were in the folder. I was looking through them when all of a sudden a
saw a picture that I didn't draw. And then another and another. All the
pictures that I didn't draw had a paper clip around them. And each had my
name on it. But they weren't my pictures. I don't even remember drawing
them.
The creepiest thing is that all of the pictures are almost the same. It is a
picture of a young girl killing an older girl. And written in big, red,
childish letters above the older girl is the name Ray Anne.
Oh, I'm so scared. What if the doctors are right? What if I do have a split
personality? I don't ever remember drawing those pictures. It couldn't of
been me if I didn't draw them. And anyway, I don't draw like that. It looked
like pictures a child would draw. I draw much better than that.
Oh yeah. I forgot. Tomorrow is Monday. Tomorrow they begin the testing. I
should of told you all of this when I first found out about it but I didn't.
Sorry.
Karen
May 23, 1997
Today the doctors started my "testing". Personally I don't think that there
was any testing involved. All they did was have me draw a lot of pictures,
again, and they asked me a bunch of stuff about my family and how we got
along, again. It's really annoying me that they keep on asking me the same
questions over and over again.
The doctors said that tomorrow we'll talk about the pictures. I hope that I
remember them when I see them and that they aren't like the ones I saw in the
folder.
Nothing else is happening. I feel like my life is at a stand still, that I'm
just here. I have no hopes or dreams. Maybe I should just end it all.
Karen
May 24, 1997
Today the doctors took me to a small room with a couch. There were no windows and only one door, which they had locked so I was locked in the room with them. They told me to sit on the couch and get comfortable because they
wanted to talk to me about some "very important things." They kept being
really nice to me for some reason. I guess they wanted me to be nice to them
or something.
The first thing they did was show me some of the pictures that I drew. They
were pictures that I had actually drawn. They wanted to know what they were
pictures of and why I had decided to draw a picture of that. They were just
stupid pictures that I had drawn. I was getting pretty bored after about the
first ten pictures.
Then they showed me the pictures I had found before. I told them that I
didn't draw them. I pointed out how I don't draw like a little kid and I
would never draw such an awful picture because I really liked my sister, Ray
Anne.
After showing me several more of these pictures, the doctors got together and
talked quietly. After awhile one of them said to me, "Karen, we have
something very important to tell you. You have MPD. Multiple Personality
Disorder."
"So what does that mean?" I remember asking him, pretending that nothing was
wrong.
"It means, Karen, that you have a split personality."
That's when I lost it. I started screaming and yelling that I didn't. I
don't remember what happened after that but the doctor's told me later that my
second personality had taken over and that's why I didn't remember anything
after that. They said that I had started throwing things all over the place
but they called Security and had me put in a straight jacket. Can you believe
that? They put me in a straight jacket!
Also, the doctor's say that my second personality is dangerous so they have to
keep me in this stupid place until they have cured me, if they can even find a
way to cure me.
I have to go now. I think I hear Mrs. Hentson coming to check on me.
Karen
May 30, 1997
Nothing new has happened. All I ever do is eat and then sleep. Though a weird
thing did happen. After I came back into my room after lunch I found a knife
in my pocket. Though I don't remember ever taking it. And what's even weirder
is that I don't remember eating lunch. I guess it was Diana again, my other
self. Well at least this time she didn't do anything bad. I put the knife
under my bed because I don't want the doctors to find out that Diana took it.
Because then they might put us in a straight jacket again.
Tomorrow I have another "drawing session" with the doctors. I hate the
sessions. They put me in this room that is padded and then give me crayons and
paper. They then leave the room and watch me through the mirror. After that,
they have me go eat lunch and then we discuss the drawings. I hope they find a
cure for me, I just want to go home.
Well I better go to bed now.
Karen
June 22, 1997
I'm still here at the clinic. Life has been so boring. I haven't had
anything to say in awhile but now something interesting has happened, so I
thought I'd tell you about it.
When I was eating lunch yesterday (I actually remember eating lunch. Usually
Diana eats lunch for me) a whole bunch of policemen came to the clinic. The
next thing I know, the doctors are pulling me away from my lunch and are
leading me to a room. When I got there a whole bunch of policemen were in the
room. So were the doctors in charge of this clinic. They told me to sit down
because they had some "very important things" to talk to me about. I hate it
when grown-ups always tell me they have "very important things" to talk about.
I mean, I kind of realized it was important when they pulled me away from
lunch. Oh well.
Anyway, they told me this. The police had found a knife close to the scene
where Ray Anne was killed. They hadn't seen it before but a person walking
their dog by the area found it and turned it into the police because there was
lots of dried blood on it.
The police did tests and found out that the blood was, in fact, Ray Anne's.
There were no fingerprints so they assumed that the person wore gloves. But
they found a hair on the knife. They did some testing and it turned out to be
my hair.
I was really scared when they told me that. "What does it mean?" I asked
them.
The doctors told me that they think Diana killed Ray Anne, but they aren't
sure. They kept assuring me that I was not a murderer, that only Diana was.
I'm pretty scared now. I don't know what's going to happen.
That's all for now.
Karen
June 23, 1997
Oh my God. I don't know what has happened. I remember sitting in my room
getting dressed. Then Doctor Dana came in. She told me that I had to go down
to the police station because they were going to charge me for Ray Anne's
murder. She also told me that they had reasonable evidence that I was also the
killer of Sky and Minnie. The next thing I knew was that I was hovering over
DD and there was blood all over. And in my hand was a knife. Not any knife,
but the knife Diana took from the cafeteria. Diana killed her. DD was the only
friend I had. Diana is me, meaning that I really killed my only friend. And I
killed my sister's and brother. There is only one thing left to do, kill
myself. If I am capable of killing the people I love then I am capable of
doing much more damage. So the best thing to do is to end it all. Mother and
Father, I love you both. I hope you read this knowing that I am truly sorry.
I hear people coming. I have to get this over with before they can stop me.
Bye for the last time.
Karen
The End