MY DEVOTION

Sunday, the 5th of November, 2000

Mistress,

On this, Your birthday, Wwe share our true anniversary, which marks the fact that i have served You already for a single year, which has seemingly passed as quickly as a single day. i continue feel an enormous need and desire flowing from deep within me to remain with You and to serve You more fully... for, though my mind, body and soul already belong to You, my very essence strains constantly to be near You, my primary need is to care not only for Your needs, but to fulfill Your every desire and to attain for You Your every whim. i wish to shield You from that which brings You pain, and from any who would harm You.

In this past year i have faced many doubts with respect to my own identity and about my ability to give You all that i feel You deserve from Your slave. i have felt vast fear when i have caught glimpses of the reality of the depth available to You in the gift of submissioin that i offer You. i have felt the cold fingers of extreme vulnerability playing across my heart as i have become further entwined in Your grasp, yet even as my mind questions, my soul has never waivered in it's quest to achieve a deeper level of submission to You.

Last year on this date You gave to me Your training collar along with Your spoken intention to take me as Yours, granting me the honor of the ability to earn Your Personal collar. Today, i look back on the year we have shared, and every fear has become a quiet knowledge within me. my life is good, better than ever before. i know who i am. You have provided for me well in all aspects of my life, even in a few aspects i did not realize i had. There is no question, not even a lingering doubt about it... i am Yours.

And, with that acceptance comes a quiet strength to replace the fear. i will be able to draw from that strength in order to serve You better. Under the magnifying glass of that strength i am able to see myself without prejudice, and find the truth... without You, i am empty. You have taken from me the right to own all of the inhibitions and falsehoods that used to fill me. Now, Your presence, Your protection...Your very essence fills that space and then breathes new life into me. And, because You have taken the time to lay aside my day to day worries and fears, suddenly i find that the sole concern left to me is that of caring for your needs and fulfilling those expectations that You have set before me.

And, my sole wish is to become a reflection of You... forever as near as Your shadow such that i may serve You, forever trusted to hold Your secrets, forever striving to accept Your pain.
When You are happy, i am laughter. When You are sad, i am solace. When You are angry, i am balance.

This, Mistress, is what i wish to give to You of myself. You have given me life. You alone hold the Power to dictate the direction that life shall take, up to and including withholding in Your beautiful grasp the very breath held within me, for just as You have given me that life, it is fully Yours to take back, should You so choose. My greatest wish is to be Your right hand, something that You could perhaps live without, but would never want to try. One that You can count on without second thought to perform each and every task that You set before it, willingly and with precision, taylored exactly to fit Your expectations.

In order for my gift to become total, i willingly give myself to Your guidance, and understand that You will help me learn to give myself more fully. i will gratefully withstand whatever lessons You administer in order for You to own me totally, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may be to me. i wish to do whatever it takes in order that i may serve You in every way.

i understand that You require perfect obedience from me in addition to my loyalty and my honesty. i wish to have no secrets from You, for they would be barriers between us and my soul shall remain naked before You in order that You can make the best, most well informed decisions where i am concerned. i understand that You require me to be everything that i am capable of, that i must strive on a daily, even a moment by moment basis, to achieve not only the goals that You set for me, but those within me that i am capable of reaching in my growth and my life, and that by doing so i honor You through my acheivements.

Mistress, my greateset desire is to be Your greatest accomplishment. And, i beg of You. Please accept this shapeless form, this shell, and molde it to fit that image which You desire, fill it to become reflective of Yourself as You wish it to be viewed, a treasured possession that You would gladly show off to the entire world with Pride as representative of Your standards. Please! Please, Mistress, accept this slave that offers herself to You without hesitation, for You alone are worthy of her consideration.

This, Mistress, is what is in my heart of hearts on this day.
i wish for this to be the last and best decision i ever make.
i am prepared to serve You for a lifetime.

 

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