Day 13, Monday
Morning, 0915.
Severus Snape wakes up; he is buried, tangled in sheets with a towel duct taped around his head. His head which aches. A lot.
Snape: rrr (tries to extricate himself from sheets, is too groggy, falls out of bed, pulling sheets and towel with him) hrg..
(He glances up at Lupin, who appears to be passed out, face down on Black's bed. No sign of Black or Malfoy. Snape squints - is Lupin still alive? he is about to crawl over and investigate when he is suddenly aware of something under his left leg; finds a small bottle.) Conditioner? Malfoy. Where are the rest then? (drags himself to feet; looks at space between bed and wall, finds 6 more hair care products) Hm. Clever, Miss Granger. They'd never look in my bed. (starts to leave again, slips on yet another bottle, crashes to floor, cushioned by sheets) ARGH!
(Lupin jerks awake - wand pointed at Snape; he is pale and sickly.)
Snape: I suppose you're alive then.
Lupin: egh.. no' really... (falls back down)
Snape: Malfoy's hair care products have been discovered.
Lupin(muffled by pillow): goo'...
Snape: It's past nine.
Lupin: (growl)
Down in the sun room, Voldemort and Draco are awake, but unmoving. The morning sun shines down on them, probably a bit too cheerfully.
Voldemort: Well, young Draco, do you think I should make an appearance today?
Draco: Where?
Voldemort: Oh, I don't know. Somewhere other than the sun room.
Draco: (sigh as he considers) Well.. that would require you to get up. Is your back ready for that?
Voldemort: I'm not sure, but I'm somewhat concerned about the rigor mortis setting in..
Draco(drawl): That's a valid concern.
Voldemort: But.. I am thirsty and no one seems to be awake yet. (tries to turn as if to get up - groans) Or... (lies back down cautiously) I may wait for the rigor mortis to set in, then I'll have less chance of further aggravating the injury...
Draco: I supppose I could make tea.
Voldemort: Be a dear and do that, Draco.
Draco(gets up stretches, grimaces): I hate mornings.
In the kitchen, Draco finds Harry seated at the table. He looks like he's been caught in a tornado.
Harry: Malfoy.
Draco: Potter.
(introductions complete, Malfoy goes about finding a pot and filling it with water.)
Harry: What are you doing?
Draco: Making tea for the Dark Lord.
Harry(puts head in hands): You shouldn't patronize him - isn't it below your dignity?
Draco: We didn't know you were awake, or I'd have asked you to bring us tea.
Harry(glares): I was being sarcastic!
Draco: You shouldn't be. It's quite serious - making tea for the Dark Lord.
(Harry puts head down on table; enter Snape.)
Snape: Draco, your hair care products have been discovered.
Draco: Where!?
Snape: In between the wall and my bed... I shall have to speak to Miss Granger..
Draco: Where are they NOW?
Snape: ... still on my bed.
(Draco runs out.
Snape inspects the pot on the stove, satisfied, sits across from Harry at the table. They glare at each other, hair a mess. At least Snape has thought to un-duct tape the towel from around his head.)
Harry: That's not our tea. It's for Voldemort.
Snape: hm.. he's still here?
Harry: Shouldn't you know?!
Snape: I suppose it would behoove me to seem as if I care.. (saunters off to sun room)
The day continues slowly, since most housemates are not in the mood for light discussion or prank wars. With Draco off the war path, no one is instigating any kind of action at all. Around 1130, Tonks discovers Sirius and Lucius in the living room.
Tonks: er.. (goes to kitchen where Hermione is making toast) I've found Sirius. he looks dead.
Hermione: Yeah, I think he passed out last night.
Tonks: Malfoy's also dead, but that's not a problem.
Hermione(saying more than this): You seem not to like him... at all...
Tonks: Oh.. well... right.
Hermione: ... yes?
Tonks(gestures dramatically to table): Come, sit, my child, and I shall tell you a tale of great woe..
Hermione(grins): Good.
Tonks: (makes herself comfortable at table) It was a dark and stormy night!
Hermione: (rolls eyes)
Tonks: Ok, well, it was night. A few nights ago - well, maybe a week. I was trying to sort out my laundry. ahem - Atmosphere, yes.....(hushed voice) I was all alone in the laundry room - the quiet hum of the dryer had just stopped, and I was folding my robes - minding my own business. Then I felt this presence - didn't even have to look up, I just knew there was evil lurking at the door...So slowly I turned, not about to seem skittish you know me, and there he was. Lucius Malfoy standing there staring right at me. I said, "I'm just about done with everything, then you can have the room." And he saunters up to me and says, "I wouldn't want to rush you...."
Hermione: AHH!
Tonks: Ok, so yeah, I was a bit concerned, then I remembered that we can't use magic, so I just left. Quickly as possible.
Hermione: Well, he hasn't said anything else, has he?
Tonks: No. But he has these odd looks that I prefer not to think about.
Hermione: We'll prank him next.
Tonks: Good thought.
Later, Dumbledore goes to the back porch for a quiet smoke. He notices something odd... frowns, returns to the house. Two people are in the living room, one of them moving.
Black: .. agh... (props himself on elbows with the greatest of efforts)
Dumbledore: Afternoon, Sirius.
Black: .. wha'time is i'?
Dumbledore: Oh.. about half past one.
Black: ..my head.......
Dumbledore(cheerfully): You'd think alcohol had been involved the way everyone is lounging around today. I still haven't seen Ron or Remus.
Black: 'sprobably killed Remus..' hates loud noise.. specially these days..
Dumbledore: Yes, Thursday, isn't it?
Black: (pained nod)
Dumbledore: Well, I just thought I'd alert someone that there seems to be a large pool of heated water on our back porch.
Black: What??
Before long, Black is relaxing in the jacuzzi, a gift from BB for winning yesterday's challenge. He has carelessly wrapped some sort of sleep robe around his lower half, for he doesn't mind whether anyone thinks he's too pale or too thin. He just wants hot water.
Black: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hot water..
Meanwhile in the living room:
Draco: FATHER! SPEAK TO ME!
Lucius: hmmmm.. (opens an eye; Draco is standing right next to the sofa, towering over him.)
Draco(immediately back to the usual lazy drawl): Ok, I thought you were dead.
Lucius: ... you woke me up to see if I was dead? (slowly, menacingly sits up)
Draco: Well -- call it filial concern!
Lucius(glares): If I were you, that is not the sort of filial concern I would be having right about now....
Draco: I'm glad you're not dead, father, but... I think I'll go back to the sun room now! (walks out quickly)
Lucius: (falls back) Some children should not have parents.
Upstairs, Ron and Lupin run into each other in the men's bathroom. Ron is brushing his teeth; Lupin seems lost.
Ron: Wow, I haven't seen you in here for at least a week!
Lupin(still pale): yeah... but it's closer to our room.
Ron: Are you sick?
Lupin: No.
Ron: Hey, look! (picks up sloppily written note that has been taped to a shower stall) "Ron, dont use showers, come to the back porch, love sirius" What's he on about?
Lupin: .. sounds suspicious.
Ron: I wonder why he didn't leave you a note too?
Lupin: probably in other bathroom..
Ron: well I guess we can go see what he wants..
Soon all three (Black, Lupin, and Ron) are in the jacuzzi. It's a nice afternoon outside. The trees and shrubs are healthy green, the birds are singing...
TheAuthor: Oh, cut that out and indulge the fangirls already!
That is -- our heros lounge with carefree grace in the jacuzzi, their hair tussled by the slight afternoon breeze. Sirius's silky jet-black locks shine in stark contrast to Ron's brilliant red and Remus's light brown - the grey streaks appearing silver in the warm sunlight. Their skin, taut over slim and fit figures, is rather pale, but it is not the paleness of neglect - not the paleness of ill health -
Black(yawn): I'm hungry.
Ron: Should we eat?
Lupin: We should get the Malfoys to bring us food.
Ron: hah! like that would ever work.
TheAuthor: END EPISODE.