| Warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash".... Day 14, Tuesday Kitchen, mid-day. The Malfoys are at the table looking rather put-out.. Lucius: It's been two days... Draco: Three - Saturday. Lucius: Usually Big Brother replenishes the supplies. Draco: I know. This is disturbing. Lucius: Perhaps you'd like to make another request. Draco(off-handedly): Already tried that. They yelled at me. Lucius: What? Draco: Said hair care products was one thing, ice cream sandwiches another. And... (sighs).. sadly, I have to agree. Lucius: Of course - ice cream sandwiches are far more important! Draco: Father! Lucius: They are. Only you use the hair care products, but two of us partake of the ice cream. Draco: more than two - I didn't take that last one! Lucius: Well, we'll be more careful in the future. (they pause to grin like the arch-villains they are.) Draco(back to the conversation): But I don't buy your utilitarian argument anyway. Since when are we Malfoys utilitarians? Lucius: Since when do you know what utilitarian means? Draco: erh.. history class? (his father is about to protest, but he continues) AND -- even if we speculate purely within the realm of positive utilitarian welfare, my hair care products ARE STILL more valuable than any ice cream-- Lucius: -I don-- Draco: Yes: it's pleasing to a lot more fans to admire my perfect hair than to watch you gorge yourself on ice cream sandwiches! Lucius(sighs): Draco, you're missing the point. You have your products; we don't have our ice cream. Draco: Oh.. well, yes. But don't insinuate that it's more important. BigBrother: ATTENTION, MALFOYS! (they seem startled, but quickly settle back into their usual expression of haughty boredom) BigBrother: We are willing to offer a challenge for rights to the ice cream sandwiches. Draco: But it's not Sunday. BigBrother: You don't have to wait until Sunday. You can get your ice cream today ---if you win... Lucius: What if we don't? BigBrother: Then some other pair wins it. Draco(to Lucius): Then we can steal it anyway. (to BB) OK! We accept! BigBrother: Good. All interested participants are to report to the LIVING ROOM for challenge details! Elsewhere in the house, Ron and Harry are playing chess. Harry: Did you hear that? Ice cream up for grabs - let's go! Ron: But - what about this game? Harry: Er.. let's just say you won. (he is losing miserably and has been searching for a way out the past fifteen minutes.) Ron: But - Harry: You're not going to let the Malfoys win, are you? Ron: Ok, (grins) Let's go get them! In the living room, Harry and Ron find the Malfoys waiting - and Tonks and Hermione. Tonks: Hi guys! Lucius: I think we could reasonably suspect that one of these contestants took our last ice cream sandwich, Draco. Draco(glares): The last one indeed. BigBrother: So.. 6 housemates. DOES ANYONE ELSE WISH TO PLAY FOR ICE CREAM? Cut to back porch: Black is sun bathing in the jacuzzi again; Lupin curled up in a rocking chair reading. Black: You want ice cream, Moony? Lupin: ..nah, we'd have to get up. Black: Yeah, we can steal it later. Lupin: Good point. Black: heh heh.. that was a good ice cream sandwich... Lupin: you're so wicked sometimes. Black(grins): I know. Back in living room: Dumbledore has joined the ranks. BigBrother: You need a partner to play, Professor Dumbledore. Dumbledore: Oh, I don't want to play (spots Snape passing by in hallway) Unless Severus wants to join me ? Snape: (pauses, sticks his head in the doorway and notices the large plastic mat of colored spots on the floor) This looks.....worse than tiddlywinks. I decline. (exit) Dumbledore: All right... (grins) I'll just.. observe. BigBrother: No, you can take up that little board with the arrow on it.. (Dumbledore curiously retrieves said board from coffee table) and spin the arrow to determine which body part goes where. (addresses the others) You have all heard of a muggle game called Twister? Hermione: Oh brother. Tonks: Sounds like fun. BigBrother: Mr. Malfoy will demonstrate. (The Malfoys don't budge, but look to each other.) BigBrother: DRACO Malfoy. Draco: hm. (steps up to the plastic mat) BigBrother: You must remove your shoes to play. Draco: What sort of foul muggle game is this!?? (Ron and Tonks snicker; Hermione rolls her eyes) BigBrother: Professor Dumbledore may spin the arrow. (he does so) What is it? Dumbledore: .. (adjusting spectacles) Seems to be green and.. a left foot. Draco(frowns): So I am to put my left foot on any green spot? All: YES! Draco: (sigh of exasperation) There. (steps on one of the six green circles) BigBrother: That's how you play. Tonks: wo - that's a silly game! Hermione: Not so silly when 6 people are playing - you get twisted up very easily, and whoever falls is out. So the last person standing wins. BigBrother: Correct, Miss Granger. Only one person needs to be standing for your team to win. Hermione: Then why do - BigBrother: Do not question the ways of Big Brother. Harry: Ok, let's go. Draco(looks appalled as the other five approach): How are we all supposed to fit?! Dumbledore(spins): right hand on red circle! (they all reach over and the game begins) While they get going, let us follow the adventures of Severus Snape. He has gone to the Diary Room, not with the determined stride from his last appearance there; this time, he seems much more... ..grumpy. Snape: Big Brother. BigBrother: WE REPEAT: THIS IS NOT THE SPECIAL REQUEST ROOM, PROFESSOR SNAPE! Snape: I'm sorry, but this request is coming from the sun room. (He produces a white paper from his robes, unrolls is, and reads) "Dear Big Brother, I... (pause, as if considering to read this part; clears throat, continues) I am Professor Severus Snape, speaking on behalf of Lord Voldemort, who is currently incapacitated with a bad back on the sun room sofa. Lord Voldemort should like to request that you institute the so-called 'Head of Household' policy, because-" (Snape looks up, trace of annoyance in his features) and I quote, "'It's damned inconvenient to give every pre-schooler and his friend a nomination vote when only the intelligent adults ought to have a say in it. Allowing large voting blocs of incompetent young people only serves to undermine the democratic system.' Lord Voldemort further requests that you grant him Head of Household status, since he is the most popular character on the show, has nothing to do all week, and finally because-" (Snape frowns with another pause) and again I quote, "'Father Voldemort know best' - if he may so say. In conclusion, please review the voting arrangements and grant his request in order to ensure smooth and efficient operation of the Big Brother eviction system. Yours, (Snape slowly rolls up the paper and puts it back in his pocket as he finishes) Lord Voldemort, care of Severus Snape." (He smirks in distaste. Pause.) BigBrother: ...... Snape: Is there an answer for him? BigBrother: No. Snape: Fine. (stalks out) Back in the living room, things are becoming.... difficult. Dumbledore(eyes twinkling): heh.. I hate to tell you this, but.. left hand on blue. (A general groan from the players: Draco is at the end of the mat next to his father, who provides a sort of barrier against the other four. Harry and Tonks are in the middle with Ron and Hermione on the other side. Generally speaking, of course. Everyone has at least one hand or foot in the territory of another, and Ron seems to be especially twisted, with his left hand providing the only balance. Now he has to move it two spaces over to blue. Ron: err... can I have that blue, Harry? Harry: Uh.. my foot's still on it from the last time. Ron: Yeah, I see that..(begins to move very gingerly) (Snape walks past in the hall, shakes head at the sight.) Tonks: I don't think you have to put your hand on THAT BLUE, Mr. Malfoy! (the blue is now shared by his left hand and her right foot) Harry(whispers to Tonks, since they're only a few inches apart): we have to take down Draco.. You're closest Tonks: then I'd have to go through him first! Harry: I can take him down..I think.. Dumbledore: right hand green. Lucius(smarmy leer): Are you ticklish, Miss Tonks? Tonks: NO! (Harry attempts to position himself closer to the Malfoys, but his right foot is still stuck on a blue next to Ron; Ron who teeters dangerously now) Ron: Uh oh! Hermione: RON! (he grabs on to Hermione's leg and balances himself, but she tumbles to the ground in the meanwhile) Hermione: RONNN!! Ron(red): Uh! Sorry!! Hermione: Boo! Tonks: It's all right - I'm still here for our team! HEY! DONT TOUCH ME! (Malfoy's left hand is tickling her right foot) heheheh- Lucius: Ahh hm.. you are ticklish. Tonks: heh - NO! Hermione(sits next to Dumbledore): Come on, Professor, spin the left hand off blue. Dumbledore: I'll see.. (spins) Tonks: heheh - STOPTHATheheh- Harry: Hey leave Tonks alone! Ron: CHEATER! Draco(sounds bored): can we go?? Dumbledore: left foot on green. Hermione: That's not the right one! Tonks: That's fine too! (slams her left heel onto the green where Lucius's other hand is) Lucius: AOOWW! (tries to pull it away; loses balance, grabs onto Harry, drags him down with him) Harry: HEY!!!! Ron: CHEATER! Draco: Oh shut up, Weasel. (looks down the mat, sees that both Tonks and Ron are glaring at him, and there's no other Malfoy in the way of them now) .. hm... Meanwhile in the sun room: Voldemort(still stretched out on sofa, Bertie curled in a ball over his abdomen): What do you mean they said No?! Snape(sits on opposite sofa): They said they didn't have an answer, not that their answer was no. Voldemort: Oh, I suppose they need time to mull over my proposal? Snape(slight shrug): perhaps. (They can hear Malfoy's and Harry's yells from the living room) Voldemort(calm interest): And just what is going on in there? Who's being killed without my sanction? Snape(usual sardonic tone): It's some sort of acrobatics game... with ice cream at stake. Voldemort: Oh yes, I heard something about that as I was drafting my proposal. (annoyed intake of breath) They would expend so much energy for ice cream, those Malfoys.. I don't know what to do with those two.. You're far more sensible, Severus. Snape: hardly... Voldemort: Oh don't joke - what silly object would drive you to acrobatics? Snape(sagely looks away): I would not waste your time with it.. (glances back) But.. I see you've adopted the cat... Voldemort(understated smile): hm.. always so difficult to read, Severus.. Yes, I've adopted the cat, I suppose. After all, young Betrum is my ward again, now that Dolores is gone. Not to mention, it's very classic for a Dark Lord to have a cat to stroke absent-mindedly while he plots and schemes.. It'd be more "classic" if she were a white Persian, but I'm willing to break the mould and own a tabby... Meanwhile on back porch: Splash -- a water droplet lands on the line of text Lupin is trying to read. Lupin: Sirius - Black(splashes again): Come play, Moony. Stop reading! Lupin(grins): You're such a damned little kid. Black: I am, I know! Come play! Lupin: But I'm reading. Black(folds arms across edge of jacuzzi and frowns): What's so interesting? What are you reading? Lupin: (holds up book, it's called "Hollyhocks and Snapdragons: Muggle Plants to Soothe the Soul.") Black: What?! Where'd you find that? Lupin: Severus lent it to me. Black: What- did he bring his entire library?! Lupin: I don't think so - you haven't seen his office collection. Black: Well I don't see why you need -- what in the world does he have a book like that for? What does he care about "soothing the soul"? Lupin(chuckles): You could use it - you seem quite upset about the whole affair. Black(splahes him again): I can read it later. It's a nice day. (splash) Jacuzzi! Lupin: You should get out of there anyway, you're going to be beet red tomorrow. Black: No, no - it's not that sunny! Lupin: You don't have to SEE the heavenly body to feel its effects - you should know that! Black(rolls eyes): (splash) Back in the living room: With each spin of the wheel, Tonks and Ron are making their way up the mat towards Draco. Draco: Who's cheating now!? Tonks: You want him Ron? You can have him. Ron: OK! Draco(sends Ron his best scowl): Come and get me, Weasel. I won't go down without a fight! Dumbledore(voice tinged with amusement): Left hand blue. (Ron reaches for the blue under Malfoy's leg; Draco watches suspiciously.) Tonks: We'll share the ice cream with you, Ron. Ron(grumble, glaring intently at Draco): ..who cares about the ice cream? Draco: This isn't very sportsman-like of you, Weasel...! Ron: SPIN! Dumbledore(chuckle): Looks like right foot red. Lucius(from sofa): Big Brother, are you going to sit there and allow this blatant cheating to go on? Ron: Ok, Right foot RED! (he shoves his right foot in the direction of Draco, who is waiting for the attack and temporarily jerks his arm out of the way. With no object to absorb his energy, Ron is in real danger of losing his balance. Draco uses his free arm to delicately push him backwards where he topples into Tonks... and they both fall down.) BigBrother: Game over! And the Malfoys remain in possession of the ice cream! Lucius: Excellent going, Draco! Draco(at Ron as he stands and dusts himself off): That's your just desserts for cheating. ...Bloody Weasleys can't even play muggle games properly.. Hermione(jumps to her feet): What! How dare you!! --YOU - of all people! - sanctimoniously lecturing us about just desserts for cheating!! You little hypocrite! You pushed HIM! Harry: Calm down, Hermione. We'll get them back... Draco(to Hermione): You should be thanking me, Mudblood, for putting your beloved out of his misery. He was about to fall anyway - in the agonizing slow motion of final defeat! (turns and starts to leave) Hermione(really red now): WHAT! We- THAT! - ARGH - Don't turn your back and waltz out on me, Malfoy! You'll be sorry! Ron(calls after him): Yeah, Malfoy!! (Draco leaves; the others remain glaring about at each other, except of course for Dumbledore) Dumbledore: Well, that was a splendid little diversion.. Perhaps we'll play for vegetables next time.. Sun room: Voldemort(looks up): What in .... (amused) Severus, I think they're all a bit too concerned about the ice cream. Snape: I'm curious to know what's put Granger so up-in-arms ... I shall have to congratulate Draco.. Voldemort(chuckles): He has potential, that one.. but so self-centered, he's as bad as I am, I believe.. I'll have to find a good way to rally him to the cause.. Snape(straight-faced): Offer him a never-ending supply of ice cream sandwiches. |
| Big Brother: Harry Potter Style |