Day 23, Thursday
It is early in the morning when Draco discovers his refrigerator. It's rather unavoidable, since the Powers That Be have left it in the middle of Bedroom Number Two. It is a small box of a refrigerator - just big enough to hide a few drinks and a package of ice cream sandwiches - and to trip over. But luckily, Draco is the first one awake, and can silently climb down to address the refrigerator properly.
Draco: Good morning.
Refrigerator: .. bit chilly, isn't it?
(CUT)
Draco: Ok.. (inspects refrigerator) this doesn't seem to work..(then he recalls that muggle appliances need to be 'plugged in,' whatever that means.) I need to hide you.. (picks it up, carries it off; grimacing at the work.)
Draco has decided to hide the refrigerator in that walk-in closet in the hall near the laundry room. He is on the way now when Peter Pettigrew appears from around a corner.
Pettigrew: Ah! Morning, Draco! hey, your hair's turning blond again!
Draco(none too pleased): What - what are you doing here?
Pettigrew: .. I live here, at least for the week.
Draco: well -
Pettigrew: What's that you've got?
Draco(scowls): A big heavy white box - you wouldn't mind carrying it for me, would you?
Pettigrew: oh - uh, no I don't mind! (Draco dumps it unceremoniously into his arms) where - ah, it is heavy - where were you, ah- planning to take it?
Draco: Follow me. (continues down the hall; Pettigrew stumbling along after.)
In the kitchen, Dumbledore and Voldemort are having an early morning strategy planning session over a game of chess.
Voldemort: I always did enjoy anchovies.
Dumbledore: Indeed, though there's something fascinating in the ham and pineapple combination.
Voldemort: No, too sweet.
Dumbledore(moves a piece): You used to have a sweet tooth, Tom.
Voldemort: And just what do you think you're doing with that bishop?
Dumbledore: Just... a stroll around the block?
Voldemort: I'm surprised Big Brother hasn't disowned you yet - making outside telephone calls to avoid handling the food situation...
Dumbledore: Au contraire - that did handle the food situation.
(Draco surreptitiously peeks into the room)
Voldemort: Big Brother lets everyone get away with murder except me.
Dumbledore: I wonder why..
Voldemort: I'm not bitter - I think of it as merely.. a handicap.
Dumbledore(sagely): And who else has been getting away with murder these days?
(Draco frowns, disappears again)
Voldemort: oh.. the usual suspects... But this isn't as important as food. What is today's plan?
Dumbledore: I was planning to let you plan...
(Enter Pettigrew)
Voldemort: Wormtail.
Dumbledore: Peter.
Pettigrew(nervously): hi... What.. what's going on?
Voldemort: The patriarchs of the house are trying to ensure against starvation.
Pettigrew: Oh... and I can't even make scones. we had to throw out the eggs.
(Draco sneaks in - goes for refrigerator)
Dumbledore: Morning Draco.
Draco(flinches): Ah - Morning, Professor Dumbledore..
Voldemort: Ice cream already, Draco?
Draco(takes whole box): Ah, yes, actually. Since we're out of everything else.. (exit)
(Voldemort smiles knowingly; Dumbledore watches him in interest.)
Later, Hermione is reading in her room, since "I have no chance of running into that stupid green-haired goon in here!" Enter Voldemort.
Voldemort: Hermione Granger.
Hermione(not looking up): I'm not taking ANY bets.
Voldemort: I'm sorry to hear that. But that was not the reason I came in. I am gathering clothes for an expedition to the laundry room. (goes about doing so; Hermione watches him, frowning.) I have cat hair all over my robes these days.. Bertrum is a loyal accomplice, but she does SHED so terribly..
Hermione: Well, you know cats shed in the summer.
Voldemort: Yes, thank you. (sigh) I suppose I ought to put something else on while I wash the other robes.
Hermione: I would definitely recommend that.
Voldemort: Curses, but I'm down to my last pair of everything! Now I will change if you would kindly turn around, madam.
Hermione: oh.. uh, right. (turns away)
Of course this is the precise moment when Harry, Black, Lupin, and Tonks decide to enter, looking for Hermione. Black leads the way, throwing open the door -
Black: AH ! (sees Voldemort half dressed) AH HAHAHHAHAHHAH!! (falls into door laughing)
Tonks: (also sees) HAHahahhheheheheh!
Hermione(spins around): What's going on?! AHHHH!
Harry: what?? (pushes past Black; turns away, hand to mouth)
Lupin(grinning): Do you really love teddybears.... Mr. Riddle??
Voldemort(spins around angrily; his legs are stickly and pale, and his boxers are white with red hearts and blue teddybears): What! GET OUT OF HERE!
Black: can't.. ahhahaha walk... hahahahah!
Hermione(smirking): You should have locked the door.
Voldemort: They - they were a gift!!
Black : Ahahahahaha-(crying)
Tonks(sliding down wall, clutching stomach): HAHAHAHAHAH!
Voldemort(wraps himself in nearest robe): ...cursed - DAMNED Macnair.. ministry has warped his sense of fashion...!! (grabs other clothes in a bundle and storms out)
Black: ahhh ahahahah (both Black and Tonks are on the floor laughing; Harry grins; Hermione frowns in disapproval)
Lupin(smiling): All right, kids.. that's enough amusement for one afternoon.. I suddenly don't feel any overwhelming urge to hunt down Draco's ice cream...
Black(trying to stand): Ah - but.. heh - come on, he's HIDDEN IT!
Harry: Where could he hide ice cream?
Tonks(shuts door): Ok.. heh.. (they all crowd on a low bed) Harry's right - without magic, he can't do much with it except eat it.
Hermione: He'd let it melt out of spite.
Black: He'd show us if he did.
Tonks: Right, so it must be preserved somewhere!
Lupin: Well how else could he keep it cool? Harry, Hermione - you knowa bout these muggle appliances.
Hermione: Hm... I don't know.. really - unless he has some mini-fridge somewhere.
Harry: AH ! I bet that's it, Hermione!
Black: How would he get one of those?
Harry(scoffs): Big Brother gave him hair care products - why shouldn't they give him a refrigerator too??
Black: I bet you're right. Let's split up and search for it then. I'll take the den.
Lupin: I guess I'll take our room.
Hermione: Living room.
Tonks: Sun Room
Harry: uhh... I don't think there's anywhere to put it in my room.. Maybe I'll check laundry room.
Tonks: Ok! meet back here in 15 minutes! (they agree and embark upon the search.)
Meanwhile, living room. Snape is reading quietly on the sofa. Now that Lucius is gone, there's no one to claim it from him. Today's book of choice is "Purses, Potions, and Peccadilloes: 101 Reasons to Start an African Boomslang Farm Today!"
Enter Voldemort, having just returned from laundry room.
Voldemort: Severus.
Snape(looks up): .. Yes?
Voldemort(noting the book title): Boomslang venom and Grindylow blood cures priapism.
Snape: That's reason number 72.
Voldemort(surprised): Only 72?
Snape(slight shrug): Did you .. need anything?
Voldemort(sits next to him, disingenuously friendly): Yess... Actually.. I did want to talk to you.. You know now that Lucius is gone that there are only 3 of us...
Snape: Pettigrew doesn't count...?
Voldemort: He can't vote. So this means... I need you to vote accordingly.. (no change of expression on part of Snape, but Voldemort acts as if he had shown a guilty grin, puts a bony hand on his shoulder, continues quietly) I know you like to be different. I put up with more from you since you're so... useful.. And lately I've let it slip, and it hasn't been a problem. But don't think I don't know... Oh, yes, and don't deny it - I can see from the way you despise Black that you would have no peace if you didn't nominate him. Of course he deserves it - a traitor like Black deserves far worse. But.... (he leaves this hanging; no reaction from Snape)....... But we must stick together. Let's have rid of Dumbledore this time around... then we'll deal with your Black. Understand?
Snape: ... Yes.
Voldemort(leans closer, the whisper resembling a snake's hiss): So... you will vote two points to Dumbledore.....?
(Enter Hermione - the two on the sofa regard her darkly)
Hermione: I'm just... looking around, don't mind me!
Snape: Miss Granger, what could possibly be behind the sofa that you need to climb back there right now?
Hermione(trying to navigate around the small table and lamp): Oh... just maybe I dropped something..
Voldemort: If it's ice cream you're looking for, it's not here.
Hermione: Oh? Where is it?
Voldemort: Not here.
Hermione: I'm afraid that doesn't help me.
Voldemort(not pleased): It should be clear enough indication that you should go...
Hermione: ...Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Riddle. But you are not the most trustworthy person in the world, and unless I have some clear reason to believe that it's not here - "clear reason" other than You Say So - then I'm just forced to continue my search right where I am.
(Voldemort glares, his hand digging compulsively into Snape's shoulder)
Snape: Miss Granger, don't waste your time - I suggest you ask Mr. Pettigrew..
(Hermione regards him suspiciously, but doesn't ask anymore questions before she leaves.)
Meanwhile, Sirius Black has strategically chosen the den to search, since he enjoys finding new liquor in the bottom of the welsh dresser....
Back to Hermione, who is wandering down the hall.
Hermione: that was suspicious... what's going on in there?? (spots Draco coming down the stairs) HAH! I'll ask the prime suspect himself!
Draco: Looking for ice cream, are you, Granger?
Hermione: Actually, I am! Where'd you hide it, Malfoy?
Draco(remains on the third step so that he may superciliously look down at her): There's no point in me hiding it if I stand here and tell you. You're not to have it!
Hermione(just as superciliously): If you're not going to tell us willingly... I shall have to drag it out of you....
Draco: Oh, how's that?
Hermione: By the compulsive power of my superior intellect!
Draco: (the "Give me a break" smirk)
Hermione: Well???
Draco: I see.. Well...(takes deep breath) If you can solve three logic puzzles, I shall reveal the secret hiding place of the ice cream... (Hermione looks shocked) Logic Challenge Number One: Donald has two green jugs; one of which can hold 5 liters, the other can hold 7 liters... (trails off) I'm JOKING, Mudblood!
Hermione(justifed air of superiority): You had better be joking - I'd whip you in a game of logic.
Draco: Then you should have figured out by now to go away. I'm not telling you where the ice cream is.
Hermione(eyes narrow): What about.. a game of chess?
Draco: No, beloved Weasel has probably taught you very well!
Hermione: He is not "Beloved Weasel"! He is "RON"! - What about Scrabble?
Draco: I don't like Scrabble.
Hermione: How about.... a game of fists!??? (springs up and punches him in the solar plexus)
Draco: (gasps; curls up clutching at his stomach)
Hermione: Hah. Admit it, Malfoy. I am just superior to you in every way.
Draco(stumbles down stairs; she walks alongside as if they're on an afternoon stroll): - ah... no ice.... cream....
Hermione: Yes! That's the only catch - you have ice cream and I don't! Tell me where it is - Tell me or I shall punch you a second time!
Draco(tries to sneak away): no...!
Hermione: (trots along) Come on - out with it!
Draco: NO! (suddenly jerks upright, at the same time whips his arm up and into her jaw - she staggers back into the wall) Hah! You didn't hit me that hard.
Hermione: OHHHH! (still on feet) Now you're asking for it! (dives at him)
(They stumble about, not really punching one another because they're in each other's way - really at this point they're just trying to knock the other to the ground. But soon Sirius Black overhears and now joins the scene. He has a glass of.. some unidentified alcoholic beverage in his hand.)
Black: Heyyyyy kids! None o' that!
Hermione: SIRIUS!
Draco: Called in the backup already!?
Black: Tha'sa right! Now cut that out - thisss this is wholesome family entertainment, y'know!
Hermione: Oh he's drunk again- (Malfoy trips backward over the carpet and they both crash to the ground)
Black: no no no no! (stumbles over, tries to pry them apart, loses balance and falls on top of them both; the glass crashes, creating a slippery wet mess) Whoooops!
Hermione: OW Sirius!
Draco: AGHH CRUSH ME YOU NEANDERTHALS!
Black: sorrryyyyyy -- I -- I'ma workin' on it, kids... (again tries to push himself up, but his hand slips and he falls down again)
Draco: HELP!!! UNJUSTLY OUTNUMBERED!!
Hermione: Oh shut up, Malfoy- (they glare eye to eye - since their eyes are all of 2 inches apart)
Black: HEYYY!! Guys??
Draco: Get OFF me!!!
(Peter Pettigrew comes running down the hall)
Pettigrew: Oh! What are you doing to the poor child!?
Draco: SAVE ME!
Cut to living room -
Voldemort: .. What in....
Snape: Ice cream.
Voldemort: It will be the death of us all.
Hermione: HELP!
Draco: MUDBLOOD ATTACK!
Black: I can't get up?!!
Pettigrew goes over to help - of course the one on top (and the heaviest) is Black. He approaches nervously, since they are all struggling and kicking and waving arms about - He grabs Black's arm and tries to pull him away
Black: FOULPLAY!! WORM - RAT!!!
Hermione: HELP!
Draco: FIRE!!
Hermione: What! Theres no fire!!
Draco: Well, it seemed like the right thing to yell.
Hermione: ..youuuuu!
(Pettigrew successfully tugs aside Black, who immediately knocks HIM down -)
Pettigrew: AH !!I'm not trying to kill you!!
Black: NOT AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT, NO! (punches him)
Hermione(has rolled off Draco): Hey! Siruis!! No fighting!
Draco(getting to his feet): Oh, is that so, Mudblood??
(Harry and Tonks finally arrive)
Harry: What is -- SIRIUS!
Black(has a fist raised to punch again): whoo-- (turns around, brightens up) Heyyy Harry! Can I kill off the rat??? Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase???
Harry: uh - we've been over this before..
Tonks: What happened here?!
Draco(smoothing out his hair): Mudblood misses Weasel, so she attacked ME instead.
Hermione(turns in rage): WHAT!!
Draco: (nervously) Ah, well...that may have been a little exaggeration (backs up as she approaches menacingly)
Hermione: NEXT TIME I GET YOU MALFOY YOU ARE GOING TO BE SORRY!
Finally Dumbledore, Voldemort, and Snape make their grand entrance.. Now everyone is here minus Lupin.
Harry: Sirius - you should just.. let him go.
Pettigrew(cowering beneath Black): you heard what he said!
Voldemort: Has he lost his temper again...?
Dumbledore: I think we should all relax and have some tea.
Black: No Albussometimes lemon drops DONT solve all the worlds problems!
Dumbledore(knowingly): Neither does alcohol..
Black: Oh... yeah, well
Tonks: Ok - ok! Let's just break it up... (pulls Black away; no one goes to help Pettigrew.)
Voldemort: Come, Wormtail - why don't you just lock yourself in the Diary Room? If you're lucky, you may even live to see Saturday..
(Suddenly they become aware of steady footsteps - then Lupin appears at the end of the hall, approaching and munching on an ice cream sandwich; everyone freezes at the sight- he walks up, pauses...observes quietly.)
Lupin: So.... did I miss something?
Black(zigzags over to him; puts an unsteady hand on his shoulder): Moony...(notices the ice cream sandwich, snatches it, takes a big, sloppy bite, puts it back in Lupin's hand) aww... you come bearing icecreamm... like Jupiter... less rotund...
Lupin: Ah, yes, Sirius.
Black: I think thats grand
Dumbledore: Good then - tea, anyone?
Voldemort(has given up): oh fine, I'll have some.
Dumbledore: Good, Draco can put the water on, and Hermione can clean up this mess.. (the kids frown, but leave obediently) And... Remus, I think you should just put Sirius to bed.