Warnings: Abuse of HP characters, abuse of authorial power, "Hints of Slash"
28 Days Later, Tuesday
Hermione wakes up early - sees that Dumbledore has already left, and of course Voldemort doesn't sleep in Bedroom Number Three anymore. She goes about preparing for her shower. Heads down hall - all quiet.. In the bathroom she finds.. Tires.. everywhere. on the floor, in the shower stalls - one is hanging off a sink..
Hermione: .... what? MALFOY!! (then she spots a sign taped to one of the nearby tires "6-3") Hmm..
After breakfast, Big Brother comes on over the intercom.
BigBrother; ATTENTION HOUSEMATES - you're already in the kitchen, so listen. We have a new challenge for you.
Tonks: We just HAD a challenge yesterday!
BigBrother: This is not mandatory..In fact, only 6 people can play. Let us first explain the purpose of this game: to win power of veto.
Hermione: What exactly is that?
BigBrother: If you desire, you may elect a person to be taken off the nomation block, then you will all elect a different person in his place.
Dumbledore: That's interesting... (turns to Voldemort suspiciously)
BigBrother: The choice of challenge is appropriate, we think - a dice rolling game of world domination.
Voldemort: ah, must be Risk.
BigBrother: Well, Mr. Riddle can explain to you, since he is already familiar with the game, apparently. That is all.
Hermione(to Harry): That can't be a good sign.
Voldemort: Five can play with me. Severus and Albus would like to, I assume.
Dumbledore: Oh, I might give it a try... nothing like "World Domination" to pick up a wizard's interest.
Black(glaring at Snape): I'll play.
Snape: To avenge your Cluedo loss yesterday?
Dumbledore: Do you want to join, Harry?
Harry: Er, maybe if it's one of those strategy games, Hermione should play.
Hermione: Ok.
Voldemort: And Draco.
Draco(looks up suddenly): What!?
Voldemort: Yes.
Draco: I can't be bothered with any more silly games than I have to-
Voldemort(pulls aside, whispers): Child, the less of them play the more chance we have of winning...
Draco: Oh fine. (sits at table) How do you play then??
Voldemort: First you pick a color. (gestures to colored pouches on board)
Draco: Green. (takes it)
Hermione: Gryffindor red.
Dumbledore: I suppose I can be blue.
Snape: Black. (reaches for it)
Black(snatches it away): I'M BLACK!
Snape: I'll be gray then.
Black: Like black, but washed out.
Voldemort: I think it's more an elegant silver.. (observes) And that leaves me with gold.
Draco(sighs): Why do I have the impression that this is a long and involved sort of game?
Dumbledore: The rule book is rather thick.. I'll get a start on it. (grins)
30 minutes later they have all read through the rules and set up.
Voldemort: I believe Albus has the first move.
Dumbledore: I don't know... I'm surrounded by red and black.. And now.. I made the mistake of reading the rules first, so now I've forgotten half of them..
Voldemort: Ah, old age...
Dumbledore: (muttering cheerily) Yes, who wants immortality? ah.. so now..if I can move Hermione off (reads board) Western Australia and Sirius off... New Guinea then I have all the continent and win extra armies?.. (smiles) Then I suppose I'll attack Hermione.
Hermione: Picking on the girl first. (picks up dice) But if I roll all 6's you lose, right?
Dumbledore: (chuckles) Yes. (They roll - Hermione indeed rolls two 6's) This bodes ill..
Hermione:(smiles) Did you want to attack me or Sirius?
Dumbledore: I think we'll try our luck with Sirius..
Black: Oh brother....
Draco: Wake me up with it's my turn. (puts head down on table)
Snape: Perhaps you should be observing, Draco, since you haven't played before.
Draco: (grumble)
Meanwhile, Harry, Tonks, and Lupin are cleaning up the backyard which is still a disaster area from Sunday.
Tonks: Although there aren't any tires here!
Lupin: They're all in our bathroom!
Harry: I like how you and Sirius have moved into the women's bathroom -you can move back to ours now. I mean, think of it - I have Draco and Snape in there all the time.
Lupin: Maybe then you should also move into the ladies' bathroom.
Tonks: You have to APPLY for acceptance!
Harry: I won't because we should prank it.
Tonks: MORE? We can't even walk around in there!
Harry(looking at the mud pit): We should do something with this... (frowns) I wish we could play Quidditch.. BIG BROTHER?! CAN WE PLAY QUIDDITCH?!
Lupin: Don't ask Big Brother, get Draco to ask Big Brother. They love him.
Tonks: I don't understand that.
Harry: I can't ask Draco. He'll make me give him my eternal soul -- or worse!
Lupin(chuckles): Have you been reading Hermione's bad romance novels?
Harry(aghast): That's NOT what I meant!
Tonks: Yeah, Remus, what were you thinking?!
Lupin(embarrassed): ah heh - who knows - kids these days...
Later in kitchen:
Snape(glaring): Congo to North Africa.
(He has amassed a huge force of his "elegant silver" pieces and is about to march into Black's territory - the only non-silver territory on the continent; Sirius reaches for the dice.)
Black: Come on, sixes (rolls, loses both; removes two of his pieces)
Hermione: You can't give him Africa, Sirius!
Black: I'm trying not to...
Hermione: He'll get THREE extra armies a turn!
Dumbledore: Oh, too bad - and I only get two from Australia..
Voldemort(smiles darkly): Wait until I conquer North America... then 5 per turn..plus what I already get....
(They all turn to his end of the table- he already has South America and has poised a large army at the Venezuelan/Central American border, ready to strike Draco at any moment.)
Draco(frowns nervously): ..... I thought we were all in this together...
Black: DAMN! (takes his last pieces off North Africa as Snape moves his gigantic army onto the territory instead.)
Snape: Don't feel too bad, Black. you did well, considering how pathetically unprepared you were....
Black(gritted teeth): Can't take Europe and Africa at the same time...
Voldemort(sits back, amused): I do so enjoy games of world domination..
Hermione: eh.. Professor Dumbledore, this isn't looking good...
(Snape hands Voldemort the attack dice.)
Voldemort: Done already, Severus?
Snape: One continent a turn is enough for me.
Voldemort(surveying the board): Ahh, children.. I hate to break up the party here.. (Draco and Hermione have been fighting over North America).. but you seem to have depleted each other's forces so admirably. It'd be a shame if I sat here and let you build them up again..
Draco: ...maybe this game isn't going to last so long...
Soon we find Voldemort and Snape launching an allied offensive on the northern hemisphere - Voldemort speedily making his way through North America and Snape moving into Europe from Africa.. Draco, Hermione, and Black are scrambling to keep themselves alive.. Dumbledore meanwhile solidifies and expands his fortress in Southeast Asia.
In the backyard:
Tonks: What are we going to do with this MUD pit?
Lupin: We can use the sand to fill it up?
Harry: How?
Lupin: ..Or... we can take a break and sit in the rocking chairs.
Tonks: I like that idea.. Too bad the jacuzzi's gone.
Harry: ... (grumbling) Snapes fault.. Why doesnt HE get voted off?
Tonks: I hope Albus wins the veto power... and doesn't use it. (grins)
Harry: He probably will - he's good at those games..
Back inside:
Voldemort: Severus..... (waits for Snape to look at him)... I'm becoming concerned about the large amounts of troops stationed in North Africa.. (North Africa is connected by a line to Brazil, indicating that one may attack South America through it)....They don't seem to be dwindling as you move into Europe..... (eyes narrow) On the contrary, they seem to be growing larger... where they are... In North Africa..
Snape: It borders a territory that is not mine...
Voldemort: Yes, one of my territories.... I hope you don't think I'm planning to attack you...
Snape: ... Not.. any time soon.
Voldemort: You're going from Europe into Asia.. and I'm going from North America into Asia, yes?
Hermione(rankling with helpless indignation): That's cheating!
Dumbledore: There was nothing in the rulebooks forbidding alliances..
Snape: That's the plan.
Black: It's my turn - and I'm turning in these cards.
Hermione: how many extra armies do you get this time?
Black:(browsing through rule book): Hah! 8... (turns to Draco) Good to see you so close, Mr. Malfoy...
Voldemort(sternly): Be careful, Draco..
Draco(frowns, takes defense dice): I'm severely outnumbered.. (he has only three territories left, all poorly fortified - one in North America, and two in northern Asia next to Black's Afghanistan.)
Black: ok, roll 'em!! (the dice turn up in his favor) Ah, lady luck on MY side? Unheard of! (moves into the one territory; rolls for the next; Draco glares.. they roll again, Black wins again) A clean sweep! Now you can hand over your cards..
Draco: (offended) What! Are you trying to cheat me?
Black: You're out, aren't you?
Draco: No.. I have one left in North America.. (points to Alberta)
Black: what!? I thought he wiped you out last turn..
Voldemort(grinning): No... I'm afraid I'll have to finish the job, Mr. Black.. I'm afraid I'll have to take your cards too, Draco...
Draco: Better you than him.
Black(pale): Oh... that was a gigantic strategic blunder wasn't it?
Dumbledore(sagely): Don't worry... Hermione isn't going to abandon India until I request that she does, right, Hermione?
Hermione(also about to be wiped out of North America): Ah yes..
Voldemort: See, Severus.. it's a good thing we're allied.. those three will soon outnumber us.. Albus counts for two anyway..
Dumbledore(smile): Oh... I wouldn't go that far...
2 hours later - It's down to Voldemort, Snape, and Dumbledore - Hermione and Black are staying at the table to provide moral support. But things are looking pretty hopeless for the old wizard now that Snape and Voldemort have secured North America and Europe - they are steadily moving towards Dumbledore's Asian holdings on two fronts..
Dumbledore(rolling in defense of Japan against Voldemort): Ah.. Tom, you clever devil... (rolls two 6's)
Voldemort: Now Albus.. there's such a thing as putting up a good defense, but this is riduculous - how many 6's is that in the past ten rolls?
Dumbledore(smiles): Seven.
Voldemort: No magic?
Dumbledore: Just amazing luck - but don't fret.. it won't hold, I'm afraid...
Outside in the wicker rocking chairs, Lupin has fallen asleep in the afternoon sun; Tonks and Harry are talking when she notices-
Tonks: hey - Remus is asleep!
Harry: hah I wondered why he was so quiet..
Tonks: hah.. so lazy - Hey!
Harry: What?
Tonks: What is that - what IS that? (points to corner of the backyard; a strange greyish humanoid creature is lumbering about near the oak tree.)
Harry: uh...
Tonks(shakes Lupin's arm): Hey, Remus, wake up- (to Harry) if it's some dark creature, he'll know.
Harry(chuckles): You know when we first met him he was just like this - sound asleep.
Tonks: yeah, that's appropriate!
Lupin(stirs): hm?? What?
Harry: Then he scared off a dementor.
Lupin: dementors? What?!
Harry(points at the thing): What is that, Professor Lupin?
Lupin(squints): Not a dementor. Looks like... A zombie???
Tonks: ZOMBIE!?
TheAuthor: Come on, you didn't think I was going to let the 28 Days Later reference get away so easily, did you?
Lupin(frowns): They're worse than werewolves - they're always hungry. Sent off easily enough - with magic... So, in this case perhaps we should go inside.
Tonks(watching fascinated): Well, it doesn't seem to be doing anything just yet..
Harry: I don't think its seen us.
Lupin: The real question is whether we should tell the others.
Tonks: oh go on, you're terrible..
Harry: Think it will get stuck in the mud pit?
The zombie turns - spots them; immediately starts running at them.
Tonks: Uh oh.
Lupin: Hah! (as the zombie slips in the mud and falls down)
Harry: hahaha- they're not very bright are they?
Lupin: Reminds me of some 2nd year Hufflepuff students I had -
Harry: (grins)
Tonks: Remus -!
Lupin: This is what you get for interrupting my nap - come on, let's go inside before it gets here.
Harry: Won't it follow us inside?
Lupin(shrugs): Lock the doors.
Meanwhile, the Risk game is finally coming to a close. Only Hermione is left watching; Black left a half hour ago ("I can't watch").
Voldemort(about to attack Eastern Australia): Shall I finish him off, or do you want the honors, Severus..?
Snape: Your decision.
Voldemort: Well it's my turn - let's get it over with..Any last requests, Albus?
Dumbledore: A cigar?
Voldemort: You can smoke while you roll.
Dumbledore(chuckles): You're ruthless.. (they roll - it takes two rolls, but Dumbledore is conquered.) Ah... good strategy... Impregnable alliance.. (grins cunningly, but does not glance at Snape) I shall have to keep it in mind...
Voldemort: Well.... (takes his cards; moves his piece into Eastern Australia)... time to sit back and admire the view from the top of the world, eh, Severus?
(He and Snape have the entire board - Voldemort still in control of South America and North America - Snape has Africa and Europe, and they have split up Asia and Australia - they are about evenly matched, in other words.)
Snape(frowning): ..... This game will never end...
Voldemort: Oh - one of us shall just have to concede, I think. Do you want the veto power?
Snape: ... I suggested it.
Voldemort: Yes, and it is my policy to reward my allies.. you do have someone in mind to nominate in your place, I believe.....Yes. Big Brother, I quit and let Severus win.
BigBrother; ATTENTION HOUSEMATES- All please assemble in the kitchen!
(Enter Harry, Tonks, and Lupin, followed soon by Draco and Black..)
Lupin: Did we miss the entire game?!
Hermione: I don't know how - It only just ended after 5 hours!
Harry: There's a zombie in the backyard.
BigBrother: Professor Snape wins power of veto! This means he can veto one nomination this week and elect another housemate for nomination instead. Will you use your veto power?
Snape: ... Yes, I'd like to veto my own nomination.. and instead.... (looks slowly around the circle - pauses at Black, who glares challengingly. Snape returns the glare for some time, before suddenly turning away.) Potter.
Harry: -what?!
Hermione: You can't nominate Harry!
Snape: I should, Miss Granger, or no one else will.
BigBrother: Is that your final decision?
Snape: Yes.
BigBrother: So the audience must reevaluate - and choose between Tom Riddle, Albus Dumbledore, and Harry Potter. That is all, housemates.